My wedding anniversary

I feel very down and depressed on my second wedding anniversary. I have failed my husband many times over the last 2 years but have managed to forgive myself and move on. I can't forgive my body though. I am trying so very hard not to indulge in negative thinking but I feel grotesque.

My feelings are very fragile today. I should be happy, instead I feel desolate, and embarrassed and very self conscious. I just want a hole to open up and swallow me. Problem is I might not find one big enough. I just want to run away and hide where it is dark and quiet.

I am trying to be happy with my steps at improving myself but since they aren't working anyway, all I can feel is useless and that I am still failing my husband.

I haved failed my husband by looking the way that I do. And I have failed myself by trying to fix it and months later look worse than ever.

Please forgive all my self-pity. I feel terribly alone, lonely and uncomfortable today.

sabrina......please know that you are not alone.........love you

(((((((((((((Sabrina)))))))))))))

(((((((((((((( Sabrina ))))))))))))))))

((( Sabrina ))) I know there are things that I'd like to change about myself as well. Just take it one step at a time and try not to be so hard on yourself. We all care about you here. You can always PM me if you need to talk.

(((((Sabrina)))))

I know this is really hard for you. Being heavy is not something that we often feel comfortable. Please believe me when I say you have not failed.

I don't think that it's easy thinking that we should be a certain way when we're not. All that does is add to our ever-increasing self hatred.

I wish I could just say one thing and that would cure you. I wish I could do that for everyone I meet. But unfortunately I don't know of anything that will make it all better.

Please know that I am here when you need a shoulder to cry on.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sabrina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} There's nothing I can say to make you feel better because I'm in the same boat, pretty much. Only thing is, I don't feel like I let Jerry down. I let ME down. I try to blame others for the way I am, but I know it's not true. What I've done is become numb in that area. There's a million excuses I make to help me numb out and not care anymore.

About all I can say is How about I make that hole and you come in after me? Guaranteed that you'll have more than enough room!!

Thank you so much for the support and understanding friends. I can get very stubborn when I feel like this and I don't feel much better today. But I have loads of work to do and cannot afford to dwell on my self pity. So it will just have to wait.

Thanks again

Dear Sabrina,

YOU have not failed your husband with mere LOOKS.... for it is the HEART that can only fail a person and not that of ones appearance.
The old saying “Love is Blind” is so true for it is thru the years that LoVe grows stronger as our youth leaves us (male & female) - for this I have learn.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Thank you so much Rhapsody.

I had something to say but lost it when my internet shut off. I was quite surprised to find a line of my original post.

Anyway - from within and from the outside - a continual battle!! For me at any rate.

Sabrina - I'm coming into this late, so Happy Anniversary if I missed it.

I can relate to how you feel. I have gained probably 20 pounds since I met my husband. My ex-husband would have divorced me even sooner if I had put on this much weight while we were together - he was a jerk about stuff like that.

However, this is strange but I feel much closer to my husband because even despite my extra weight, he still looks at me with love in his eyes, even when I am bending over to put on my socks while wearing my ugliest granny panties and haven't been to the gym in weeks. He acknowledges that I've gained weight, but he always says that I look terrific and reminds me that no matter what, we're a team. It's almost a relief to know that what I had previously thought would have been a dealbreaker in a relationship really holds such less importance to sincere men than I ever would have guessed.

Your husband loves you, Sabrina. You haven't failed your husband -- you've been a loving wife and mother. What I've come to learn is that the good men want a sense of family and partnership above all else. You can provide and have provided that for him -- I say "keep up the good work, my dear"! Be kinder to yourself than this.

Yes, I do need to be kinder to myself. It is just so very hard.

Thank you LMo