how do I tackle self esteem issues?

How do we tackle low/no self esteem? When I met my ex husband I was confident and believed in myself but somewhere in the last 15 years I have lost that person and no longer believe in my own skills or myself. The only time im the "old" me is when i've had a drink with my friends which is once in a blue moon.
Can someone please tell me where to start on building my own self esteem? Struggeling to find myself again

Is your husband the one who has brought down your self-esteem, perhaps through lots of criticism?

Off hand, I suggest you look for some books on the topic. It can get very involved. Do you have friends who support you and like being with you? The main thing is to try to think about positive aspects about yourself to begin with.

My ex husband is the one who put me where I am today yes. He used to put me down, belittle me and make it so I had no family or friends around me. Even tho he is no longer with me he makes it hard for me to go out as he tells everyone im a bad mum.
I have 1 good friend who I see alot now and my boyfriend.
I will try the local library for some books.

I figured as much, since you said you used to have good self-esteem. If he were available, I'd tell him exactly what I think of him--and it wouldn't be good for his self-esteem. Some people are so mean.....

I agree people are mean. My boyfriend is completly different to my ex husband. Wish I had could bring the ex a peg or 2 down myself

I can relate to this. I don't have a lot of suggestions, myself, since I am trying to work on this too... But I agree, that books on the subject can help somewhat, at least to pinpoint your "core beliefs" about yourself...

The good thing is that you DID have at one time, a good self-esteem, so it IS in there! Oh and that your boyfriend is different than the ex-H. (hopefully in a good way, and if so, I am glad you have that good supportive person for you now.)

Bought a book online today so thats my weekend sorted

Thank you angelwolf my bf is definitely different in a good way and is trying his best to help me.

I agree with Payne1 , those positive things you have accomplished mean a lot. We tend to forget about the important contributions we have made to others lives too, the kind word you gave to someone once matters. That person the ex squashed is going to make a come back with a whole knew view about herself.

It was recommended to me to attend a domestic violence group meeting. I had women who told me that emotional abuse was worse than physical abuse. That moment gave me validation and some of my self came back , it's a work in progress. It took time to be torn down and it takes time to redefine the person you are today.

Be Good To Yourself

I have been told to look into womens groups but im to scared to go.

So was I , thought there was no way I belonged there . The first 2 times I went I wasn't impressed to return . But I went for a third time and that's when I felt I could speak, someone there had a story that I feel related to me, no actual physical abuse but intimidation and verbal emotional abuse . Once I started talking I couldn't stop. I left there with a lot to acknowledge about my life , this group helped me to stop thinking I allowed myself to be a victim. When you are in a situation like you speak of , you have pieces of your confidence and self worth chipped away without even realizing it. When someone hits you physically you know immediately you have been struck . If you have to ,search through a group or two until you feel comfortable, a group could help . An option for you .

Had a chat with my family support worker and she is makeing a few calls for me about womens support group

Good deal !

That is great to hear! I hope the calls were productive and you found something! Please keep updating!

Will find out Tuesday how productive her calls were. Fingers crossed. Also looking into cbt

I think that you are on a good path with the steps you are taking !
Keep being determined .

I have just done that, in the last quarter, very successfully. I will guide you through it, in an hour or so.

I also wasted exactly 15 years, exactly like you. And (almost) lost that confident person I used to be.

So step number 1, which applies if you lost connections while being married.

Contact every friend, lover, girlfriend/boyfriend, former colleague, even casual acquaintance if you lost touch with that person during the marriage.

Tell them that you are alive and want to reconnect.

When done, or, if this steps does not apply to you, lmk.

I have started to reconnect with people. Mainly my mum and have reconnected with my 2 best friends from college. I have also got my best friend of 23 years

That is excellent. Is there anybody else you can think of?

There are so many. Guess it would be my friends from school next :-S

Precisely. I went all the way to my first gf whom I met at age four. I have been in touch with her for the past two months, have found her extremely supportive and basically a gem and will visit her in may. She is in chicago.

There are a lot of people just waiting there to give you support and a confidence boost.

Thank you.