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  #1  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 10:42 AM
kirby777 kirby777 is offline
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Hi-

I have had this issue for years, even when I was working. I feel so guilty and anxious when I spend any amount of $$ on myself,. I have no issue spending $$ on others. For example, if I want an Iced latte, I would 95% not buy one...even when I decide to treat myself, I experience anxiety & guilt.

I am so pathetic, my pc is 9 yrs. old and I have dial-up. One of my few enjoyments in life is being online..I did tell my T this and she said go buy a laptop if you want. It is not as easy as that.

Does anyone else do this?

Thanks.
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Last edited by kirby777; Aug 20, 2013 at 12:01 PM. Reason: errors
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  #2  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 10:53 AM
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lynn P. lynn P. is offline
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Yes I also have this problem with not buying myself things and get stressed when I do. Normally I'm not materialistic but this not buying for myself got worse when we started with financial problems. Its even got to the point where I eat less to conserve for my kids. Hopefully you can convince yourself to buy a laptop - maybe look for a good deal and that might ease your guilt.
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  #3  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 10:58 AM
avlady avlady is offline
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Yes a laptop would do you good especially to come here!!!!!!!!Kirby777Welcome too!!!!I love to buy myself things on sale i usually go to a store around us that is like a thrift store, pretty big store of used stuff, that way i won't feel so guilty spending too much and get good stuff too.
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  #4  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 11:08 AM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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You can also, buy a new pc, for cheap, relatively speaking-few hundred, if willing to keep the monitor you have. Staples, had a sale this past winter, got myself a Great Bargain on a laptop. Barely more, than the pc I bought, a couple years ago, post-divorce.

If spending stresses you, how about, like some people have, vacation savings, a slush fund, for some splurging? a latte fund, so to speak.

Was someone, in your fam, so tight about $$ Do you know where it comes from?

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  #5  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 11:27 AM
MotownJohnny MotownJohnny is offline
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I think you need to delve into the "why" behind it.
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  #6  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 12:11 PM
kirby777 kirby777 is offline
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Thanks for the responses.

No one was ever tight w/$$ when I was a chld or ever...except my last BF, but he does not count...I have been doing this for over 15 years. I probably $$ from my Birthdays & Christmas, still in the cards from 10 yrs ago.

If a casual friend wanted and ice cream or latte, I would buy it for them.

The why? I guess I feel I do not deserve anything.

I certainly am entitled to a laptop and hig speed internet..I do not know anyone whom has dial up...unless they reside where there is no cable or dsl available. Just typing that increased my anxiety.

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  #7  
Old Aug 20, 2013, 12:22 PM
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Muppy Muppy is offline
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I think that you need to spend some time tracing what led you to this place where you're uncomfortable spending money on yourself. What messages about spending on one's self have you heard. Did some tell you it's better to give than receive? Or, perhaps, I'd love to have a new dress, and I need one too. But...nnoooooo...I can't buy myself anything, I have to get you new school clothes ( or a birthday present, or a Christmas present). As children what we hear is sometimes distorted and simply too adult for us to comprehend. Children are literal......the guilt trip is lost on them, they hear the words and to them that's exactly what your mother (father, grandma,etc) meant. Best of luck on your trip inside your own history and mind to get at the root of this. Be well, and be good to yourself.
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  #8  
Old Aug 24, 2013, 12:36 AM
hamster-bamster hamster-bamster is offline
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In terms of priorities, to the extent that being online is one of your few enjoyments...
...get high-speed internet first. Laptops can wait. My MacBookPro - I got it in 2008 refurbished, so it probably is at least 7 years old, and Apple Store considers it "vintage" (I would much rather have vintage clothing and jewelry than vintage laptops ). But it works.

Without high speed internet - I simply cannot imagine living without high speed internet. But a vintage laptop is OK.

If you can do both, then great, but in terms of getting most bang for the buck, high speed internet clearly wins.
  #9  
Old Aug 24, 2013, 01:27 AM
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Nobodyandnothing Nobodyandnothing is offline
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My son just bought a chromebook for college. It is cheaper than a laptop but no cd rom capabilities. Looks pretty good for Internet use. He paid $219 on Amazon and it has a battery life of about 7 hours. You might want to look at these as well as laptops.
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  #10  
Old Aug 24, 2013, 04:36 AM
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yellowted yellowted is offline
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Kirby you are not alone! i really struggle to buy even essential items for myself, i must be the only women to own one handbag and I only have more than one pair of shoes because my carer wheeled me into the shoe shop and insisted i treat myself! if it is broken i fix it. i am not stingy with others, but feel i should not waste money on things i do not desperately need. this attitude has helped me save for essential works to my house, but although i am happy about this i can see i am not normal and would love to be guilt free at buying a dvd or new pair of trousers.
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  #11  
Old Aug 30, 2013, 07:59 PM
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IchbinkeinTeufel IchbinkeinTeufel is offline
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I get anxious and guilty as well, but still occasionally buy myself stuff. I am a great saver, and always have been, but I think one of the reasons, is that spending = guilt. I feel like I don't deserve nice things. I feel like I don't deserve the money that I have. On the other hand, I do. The battle wages on. ¬_¬ I also feel like there's a ticking clock on my cash and nice things - like any moment I'm going to have it taken from me. My income comes from the government, due to being "disabled" (mentally) I get an appreciable amount every 2 weeks, but it always feels like it's on loan, and can cancel or be taken back, at any given moment; it's scary.
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  #12  
Old Aug 30, 2013, 08:15 PM
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Trippin2.0 Trippin2.0 is offline
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I have this issue sort of...

I go shopping with the intention of buying me stuff (no guilt) but more often than not end up buying for everyone except myself.

Idk why The thought process is usually, "ooh mom needs that, Jordan would love this, and omg Gary would kill for a pair of these"...

By the time I pay for it I have no money left for me, and end up angry at myself because once again it wasnt' about me.

Take last Christmas for example, the intention was I need a wardrobe update. Instead I spent money on brother, daughter and mother on nice clothes and whatnot and I got a coffee mug. A coffee mug dammit

Oh well, it's my personality I guess? I have no cooking clue, but mine isn't a guilt issue.

The only time I don't do this is August, that's birthday month and a standing tradition started by my parents that all my money is mine. I don't even pay my share of the bills in August.

Its hard to not buy for them, but I stick to the "Selfish for 1 day" rule.
  #13  
Old Aug 30, 2013, 08:17 PM
hamster-bamster hamster-bamster is offline
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I think you need to take a long, hard look at how you view assistance from the government.

I personally think that modern societies are obligated to support their mentally ill members. So the money you get is not "on loan" - it is a result of redistribution of income to which you, as a member of your society which considers itself evolved enough to care for its disabled members, are entitled. It is thus not "on loan". Unless you think differently and believe that we should go back to the times when the mentally disabled were beggars on the streets, you, too, should stop thinking that the money is "on loan".

That would hopefully help you to not consider it a "loan".

That you fear it might be canceled can be rational though: what are rules of qualifying for disability? How frequently do you need to prove your disability? etc.
  #14  
Old Aug 31, 2013, 03:11 AM
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gismo gismo is offline
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I'am right up there with you kirby.......i even feel guilty about buying my self half decent Antipersperant , this guilt thing sucks!!!!!
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