[Dashiok]

My levels of self esteem are at rock bottom; the inner critic everyone has is almost his own entity inside my head, constantly telling me that everything I do is bad or someone else is far superior than I. I constantly worry that I annoy or bother people just by being there. I hate the way I look, no matter how hard I try to work out and lose weight.

And the kicker is, I've had an easy life, my family is well off (not rich, but upper middle class) I went to private schools with extra help systems, and I haven't had to really work to just survive. And I hate what I am. I'm lazy, ugly, a college drop out, a failure, a worthless mess.

I've never had sex, never kissed a girl, never had anyone even remotely interested enough in me to give me a chance. I have very few friends, and most of them are online friends. I do have a job, but i do nothing besides work and play video games.

I don't know if this means anything, but I took that sanity quiz when I first joined, and my self esteem was a 100.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Dashiok, you sound really harsh on yourself because naturally everyone has their good points!! Can you think of any particular circumstances/experiences that could have led to the way you're feeling about yourself??
Although I'm wondering as well whether depression may be adding to this?? Do you think?? It's easy to develop a really low/negative opinion/view about yourself if your suffering from depression, and for it to hold you back from having relationships or socializing. And with the "lazy" bit then depression can take away your enthusiasm or motivation to do things and "get out there". Maybe worth having it checked out??
But anyway, just a few reminders:
Looks can be so subjective, what one person finds attractive can be totally different from what another person finds attractive.
There is also so much more than "status" you can base self worth on e.g. your value base, honesty, genuineness, caring for others, being trustworthy. And if you're going to tell me you're not so sure how they apply I'm sure you will find other things in yourself, if you give yourself the credit you deserve.
And achievements- just for starters you have a job, not always easy to get!! But however insignificant you feel things you have managed to do/achieved in your life are, they really do matter!! Each and every one!! Look back and give yourself the recognition that is by rights yours.
Now have you tried talking to your friends about the way you're feeling, they at least have the right to try to offer you support or reassurance surely. By not telling them some of what's going on for you, you're not only selling yourself short, but them too by not giving them the opportunity to be there for you. And you don't want to do that, do you!!
And back to maybe checking out the depression angle?????
Best wishes
Alison

[Dashiok]

I know i have depression, I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago. It just feels like there is no one around me who really cares. I try so hard to make people feel better about themselves, while I can easily toss aside my own arguments when the topic is me. The only accomplishments I really take pride in is I stopped 2 people I had never met before from killing themselves.

Originally Posted by Dashiok

I know i have depression, I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago. It just feels like there is no one around me who really cares. I try so hard to make people feel better about themselves, while I can easily toss aside my own arguments when the topic is me. The only accomplishments I really take pride in is I stopped 2 people I had never met before from killing themselves.

Are you still seeing a therapist? Have you considered DBT and CBT so that you can tackle the negative thought patterns that are (1) causing so much suffering and (2) are ultimately holding you back?

[Dashiok]

I was seeing a therapist, but I didn't feel like it was helping at all. And I have not heard of CBT or DBT, what are they?

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by Dashiok

I know i have depression, I was diagnosed with severe depression a year ago. It just feels like there is no one around me who really cares. I try so hard to make people feel better about themselves, while I can easily toss aside my own arguments when the topic is me. The only accomplishments I really take pride in is I stopped 2 people I had never met before from killing themselves.

Hi Dashiok, first of all we care, right??!! But sometimes depression can cut you off from the very people in your life who do care about you, whether it's limiting your interest in others, making it really hard to talk to others, whether it's misinterpreting what they are saying into negatives, whether it's just feeling so bad about yourself you can't believe anyone would/does care anyway, and the list goes on...........But that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care about you, if maybe you could talk to someone/some of them about the way you're feeling and give them the chance to.............
And your "only" (!!) accomplishments are............Dashiok (!!!) those are amazing accomplishments!!!!!!!!! You should feel absolutely, totally, 1000% proud of those, seriously!!!! How do I go on from there??!! Come on you've clearly got so much about you!!!

And great suggestion from psychehedone about the CBT or DBT, both can certainly help in changing perspectives, outlooks and negative patterns of thinking.
A couple of links with some more information on them, hope they help:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Dialectical behaviour therapy for borderline personality disorder
While the DBT refers to border line personality disorder I'm not saying you have that, it can just be really useful with BPD, but it can be useful sometimes with depression too. Best link I found I'm afraid!!
Best wishes
Alison

Dashiok, I am struggling with horribly low self esteem now too. It is a result of being in a depression for 8 months and counting. I understand feeling worthless, completely.

[offthegrid]

You did say that you have been diagnosed with depression so assuming you have adequate energy to function I would like to suggest doing things outside of your routine that involves other people. By isolating yourself, you are leaving yourself available to:

1) not engage in activities that take your mind off of your current state. When you increase you abilities in an area you hopefully get a sense of accomplishment. This is even mores the case when the activity involves around helping others or achieving a tangible, objective goal.

2) You aren't meeting new people. Not everyone is out to get you and the more you isolate yourself away from people. If you don't give yourself the opportunity to have people prove you wrong (in that they are to be avoided) you just sink more and more into isolation. I'm not saying you do have to be popular. It is perfectly fine to not have tons of people around you. It's alright to enjoy activities alone. But you need to be able to have people who care and accept you for who you are and they do exist. There is NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING wrong with you inherently that makes you automatically dislikable.

[Dashiok]

I've been trying to get more out of my shell, but just today I had an experience that has probably slammed the door shut on it for a while. I was just asking a coworker if they wanted to hang out after work sometime, just to chill, nothing special, and they told me they don't mind working with me, but wouldn't want to hang out with me outside of work. So yea....its been one of those days.

[krisjack81]

Yeah I am going to be 33 next month and I have no job no friends never had a girlfriend never had a girl interested in me ever.I am 24 7 at my house.I do not meet people at all.I have little to no self esteem and depressed for years.I don't know how to change it.I am not in therapy or taking meds.I am working out with Focus T25 for 30 mins a day.burning anywhere from 400 cals to 645 with my 297 lbs frame.I don't think people that look like me should go up to girls.I wouldnt know what to do or say to them.I have bad social anxiety.sometimes I wish i would just hurry up and just die to end my miserable life.

[Frankbtl]

Hey Dashiok, well done on taking that step and asking!!!!! Really!!!!!! Good on you!!!!!!
Now in terms of your coworkers response.........well their loss, isn't it??!!
You can't always know who's going to be important to you, who's going to really matter in your life, who's going to really see and like you for who you are without taking a little risk/a chance. Just like you did!! So, I'm really impressed!!
Now people who you're really going to connect with don't come along "every day", and while this coworker fell short, that's not to say that another time, in the future, someone else/someone different isn't going to really appreciate you making that move.
Anyway, you should feel really proud of yourself for breaking through those barriers and asking your coworker!!
Don't let anything convince you that it was anything other than a really positive move, right??!! Just try to keep on the tracks you're on.
Alison