Not Low...But NO Self Esteem

It has never been a part of me, and never will.....seen 21 "professionals" in my life....boy howdy!

Yeah..esteem...it will never be grasped by me....

I am Male...have hair loss--tried all the "cures" nothing works....

Also, I always wanted "the look" (like Ronnie Coleman or Lee Priest or Phil Heath--Google images if you do not know them)...but AGAIN! Nothing worked! I worked out over 4 years...ate right, took supplements, and even did steroids (don't say it-hair loss was there already)...could never attain the look

They say personality counts...yeah right....I try and have a nice personality..but what happen when a guy comes along with personality AND hair AND muscles?? Do not answer, I already know! The women you are with either A.) dump you for him B.) Fantasize about him or C.) they do both

Maybe I am the only woman on earth to think this way, but to me what would attract me to a man is who he is on the inside. That is more important than anything else.
I think you do have at least some self esteem or you would not frequent this site. Kudos to you. Every one here is struggling with something or here to give some support.
If you are not in psychotherapy, well, it is a real blessing to me. Try it. Give it at least six months.
I struggle with my appearance too. I had surgery on my jaw and sustained significant nerve damage. I am almost 53, but look at least 65. It hurts to know this. But, life goes on. Every day is a new day to try. Sometimes, my emotional pain is so bad, I have to literally give my self a hug, and say "Love ya girl".

My husband is bald and 150 pounds overweight. I don't think you can predict what "the look" will be for an individual looking at you as they have their own criteria, not that in magazines. None of us look like those in magazines and, anyway, you wouldn't look like "you" you would look like Ronnie Coleman or Lee Priest or Phil Heath and they wouldn't be around. It is too hard to get to know someone who is trying to be someone else.

Well, for 1, having "the look" requires more than steroids. It's a combination of genetics, HGH, steroids, diet, deep tissue massage, exercise and other stuff. If you're missing one aspect of that, then you won't get there.

Besides, 'roids are for cowards that can't do it on their own anyway.

Second, I've seen plenty of your posts and your self-esteem seems to be fixated on 2 things: your appearance compared to an unachievable concept and women.

If I still focused my self-esteem on my basketball ability, I would be miserable. No matter how good I got, I'm never going to be able to compete even at a collegiate level. I simply don't have the physical tools.

So first I think you need to consider setting an achievable goal. One that depends on you, not on a woman or someone else, but you can achieve through your own hard work. Write a book, place in the top 10 of a powerlifting meet, rebuild the carburetor on an old car ... anything you can do.

Second, don't let women affect your self-esteem. You have less than 10 seconds when you meet them. This means either you have look like Hugh Jackman or you're gonna have to work on it and get to know them. Either way, your self-esteem is going to take a beating so don't let it get affected by women. Do your thing, achieve your goal, set another one and then if a woman comes along, fine, if they don't. That's fine too.

I've recently been focusing more on self-compassion rather than self-esteem. Here is a link to a good explanation about the important difference between the two that was helpful to me:

Hi Life,

I know what it feels like to think you don't measure up to the world's vain standards. At 24, I had a motor vehicle accident which left visible scars on my forehead, nose and eyes. Before my first plastic surgery, the receptionist told me that when the surgery was done, I would have no scars. Can you imagine how much my heart sank, when I looked at my face after the stitches came out? The scars were still there, but just shaped differently. For years, I felt ashamed and thought I grossed people out. But then I realized that people weren't as shallow as I thought. They were curious, but certainly not mean-spirited. Many didn't even notice the scars or didn't care.

I don't know what you look like, but I can tell you there are many ladies who find bald guys very attractive and don't care too much for muscles. And I know because I have friends and we talk. Sometimes, it takes just one cruel voice to create insecurities about our looks for a lifetime. But I've come to learn that the concept of beauty or attractiveness varies from person to person and what we think they're hung up on, really doesn't matter to them at all. We just have to keep hushing the negative voices in our heads that keep telling us we look awful. Keep working on your health and personality. That's a good thing. For the shallow persons who think that's not enough, leave them be. Eventually, they do see the light. Big hug!

OP, I understand what it's like to want to look a certain way but really, you have to accept things that you can't control and for the other things, take safe and realistic measures to change them. But don't make changes because you feel like people won't like you or are judging you, or you don't look like a certain ideal. The best you can do is be the best YOU you can be. Do what works for your life and your body type to enhance what's already there. Most people (even women) do not judge you as harshly as you think they are.

As far as attention from women, as a woman looking for a lifetime partner, I can tell you that you don't need to be jacked to get there. I am dating a man right now who is pale, has thinning hair, "softer" features, and even though he is in shape he's not super built. Basically, he is almost opposite of "the LOOK" you are after. He is attractive to me, he is a kind, considerate positive person. He is ambitious, respectful and CONFIDENT. In interacting with him, it was the entire package that drew me to him. So while there are of course many other men in the world who display attractive traits, because I care for this particular man my attentions are drawn to him. No lady who is serious about you and cares for you will be thinking of other men like that when they are with you. Many of your insecurities are of your own making and nobody can change that other than you.

Generally confidence is what women are seeking. Looking for the largest muscles, and best hair are what attracts, but doesn't keep them. A "nice" personality without confidence, can be somewhat unattractive. Try improve you're self worth and be yourself, easier said than done, but probably the best thing to do.

beauty is skin deep