[winterglen]

I've always been this way. I absolutely hate being criticized for anything, even though I receive a lot of it. A whole lot.

My entire life is people telling me that I'm not good enough or I'm not trying hard enough or I must be screwing up on purpose because there's no way anyone could be so stupid or that I must be a horrible person because good people automatically do the right thing all the time.

If only I could become someone who doesn't get criticized at all. I fully believe it is possible, that there are people who do everything right and everyone is pleased with them. I want to become one of those people. I want to be so perfect that nobody will ever call me stupid or lazy or not good enough.

Please don't tell me those people don't exist because I don't believe it.

[StrongerMan]

The only people who never hear criticism are those who never hang around other people or react so horribly to it that people stop being honest and walk on eggshells all the time around them. It's a very lonely existence that only brings more feelings of rejection and abandonment. Not all criticism is equal. Some is benevolent and some malevolent. You have to surround yourself with people who bring the former. They are the truly good people you want to be like.

EVERBODY puts them self under a criticism microscope. I don't care if they are the summa cum laude Harvard grad or Philip Seymour Hoffman. How you here it and seeking perfect as if that's possible is related to the emotion shame. Shame is a natural core emotion that everyone feels. That's why everyone hears criticism.

I say "hear" because hearing it and actual criticism is not the same. Sometimes, maybe even most of the time, the person has your best interest in mind. In that case it is constructive.

One area to learn in action is art and mindfulness practice.

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[Frankbtl]

You know it sounds like you've experienced more than "criticism" there. To me it sounds more like bullying or people being verbally abusive to you?? Now if that's the case it would be TOTALLY understandable for you to be sensitive when you hear something that might be construed as negative.
It may help if you put the past more into perspective?? From what I'm seeing you've either taken on board what people have said or still hurting from it??
Well you know that just because someone has said something doesn't make it true, right? And it's their weakness in needing to do that/make someone feel like that for whatever reason. It's not about you it's about them. And if they are like that they deserve absolutely no importance in your life. I know sounds simple BUT..........BUT true!!
As for criticism (constructive criticism) I'd say it's a GOOD thing, we can always use that as a new outlook to consider making changes we might actually want. We might decide to ignore it but then it's down to individual preferences isn't it?
As for other criticism, well that's going to happen regardless and a some of that might happen because people don't actually know YOU, haven't seen the bigger picture, not really worth much in that case then is it?
Other criticism, well you DO have the choice to ignore it and just leave it where it belongs. Then again if we were never criticized the real positiveness we feel from others making us feel good might not be quite so strong and that can be so good can't it (just a thought).
As for wanting to be perfect though you're running along the lines of living your life mostly for others, to please others, to "fit in" and to me that's got to be a major "No!". Seriously, it is much more important to be yourself, to be comfortable/happy being yourself and to be respected, valued, liked (if not by everyone!) for being yourself. You really do deserve to be YOU and to be true to yourself.
Best wishes
Alison

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by winterglen

I've always been this way. I absolutely hate being criticized for anything, even though I receive a lot of it. A whole lot.

My entire life is people telling me that I'm not good enough or I'm not trying hard enough or I must be screwing up on purpose because there's no way anyone could be so stupid or that I must be a horrible person because good people automatically do the right thing all the time.

If only I could become someone who doesn't get criticized at all. I fully believe it is possible, that there are people who do everything right and everyone is pleased with them. I want to become one of those people. I want to be so perfect that nobody will ever call me stupid or lazy or not good enough.

Please don't tell me those people don't exist because I don't believe it.

Know what happens to those perceived as perfect, and can do no wrong? Higher standards, thicker chopping block, and people who would love to see them fall, and fall hard.

That said, name calling isn't criticism, it's abuse.

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[SeekerOfLife]

I am pretty much the same way. It hurts, you know. But, T. and I are working on many things. Thank God.

[winterglen]

Thank you, everyone.

I know logically that criticism isn't always supposed to be a bad thing, and that it is often benevolent and helpful. Lately, I have a hard time seeing it that way. To me, criticism always means I did something wrong -- something that a smarter or more considerate person would have known not to do.

I know the problem is I'm overly sensitive about it, and because of that, I tend to make a little thing much worse. I want to have more control over my emotions and my life, but I guess I'm expecting too much.

Thank you.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, perhaps think of it more as you did something a different person wouldn't do, doesn't necessarily make them smarter at all. And you know sometimes YOU might be right and THEY might be wrong under the circumstances. Anyway you don't have to agree with them what's right/what feels right to/for one person isn't necessarily right for someone else.
But if you make mistakes now and then/do things you might have done differently if..........that's all part of being human, that's all part of learning and we never stop/shouldn't stop learning in one way or another. It would be pretty arrogant (and untruthful!) if someone said/thought "I know everything, I can do everything, I do everything right" wouldn't it?
It's my guess you wouldn't want to spend that much time with them, let alone be them, right???
But it can be really nice to learn things from others, to grow and develop/maintain your individuality just make sure you're learning things because YOU want to, because those things matter to YOU.
Your life is about you, there'll be good bits, there'll be bad bits in it but it's still yours just to be you.
And never forget the good things about you and how important YOU are!!
Alison

Being able to acknowledge it is a grey topic is the first step. I used to have a hard time with criticism at work and then make stories in my head about my getting fired and so on. So after talking it out in therapy I would confront the person without any accusation. Sometimes just touch base so I could see if they were cold or just busy. Not easy at first but this is something you can learn. Where would we be if we didn't have the ability to learn

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[SeekerOfLife]

With you. I think this may go with not being able to handle sarcasm. Someone posted on that subject just recently.

[Fuzzybear]

[Soul_Flower43]

I hear you... I hate being criticized too! I had it all my life growing up. My mother criticized me a lot. Never was good enough in her eyes. Even as an adult it continued. I've been estranged from her since last winter. Still affects me though... I suffer from low self esteem. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who will never measure up and be good enough.

I'm working on overcoming these feelings. All a work in progress. Once self esteem is healthy, I know criticism won't bother me so much.

Very good of you, Soul Flowers43! I hope you can get over these bad feelings.

I think a lot of people will work so hard to criticize people that they'll even have to resort to half-lies, or anything they can think of. I think one reason why some people can simply clear through this criticism is because there are at least just as many people backing them up and saying good things about them. So, it probably has to do with self-esteem.

[Malkhaz]

Don't become a person who does not get criticized. That will simply mean you have zero value.

[offthegrid]

I was criticized by people to the point (and had a total inability to save face afterwards) that my coping mechanism was and still is to be like "okay whatever you're right, I am stupid/ugly/a failure. There are 3 ways to combat this.

1 - realize that that person's outlook isn't right. The critique doesn't have a credible handle on whatever they are spouting.

2 -Other people aren't smarter, they are better at making other's think they got it right. Minimize your faults or make it sound like some kind of advantage.

3 - Actually be as perfect as possible in order to be above criticism.