Beating myself up over stupid things

Hi, I'm new here.

I've recently realized that I'm way harder on myself than I should be...and I've been hard on myself for doing this...if that makes any sense. Like, now that I'm aware of what I'm doing, I'm kind of feeling stupid for doing it.

I kind of feel like nothing I do is good enough- I'll make food that will be perfectly fine, and if I'm serving it to friends, I'll be all apologetic that it's too spicy or overdone or not cheesy enough, when in reality, there will be nothing wrong with it. Or I'll write a paper, hand it to someone to proofread, and apologize that it's not good enough. It's things like that all the time, and once I realized it, I've kind of been even more down on myself because I'm aware that I'm doing it.

Has anyone else experienced this? How have you handled it?

I think first you begin by stopping yourself from making those comments, even though you wish to. From there you work on realizing that no one is making bad comments that warrant any excuses?

Hi and welcome strawberrybanana. What a yummy name!

Many will recognize themselves in your post. It reminds me of a recent time when I was walking on my lunch break for exercise. While I was walking, I was thinking and when I tuned in to what I was thinking, I had to laugh: I was berating myself for not exercising more! When I realized it I did smile and kidded myself, saying mentally "Uhhh. Hello! You're exercising right now.. how about being a little kinder!?" lol

It takes practice to learn to be kind to yourself. Begin where you are. Awareness is the first step and you have achieved that: congratulations! Now you can see when you need to practice being kind to yourself, as kind as you would be to another person. You might have to imagine it is another person to let the kindness emerge, then when it does, apply it to yourself. Just keep being aware and practicing and don't judge how you are doing with it; that won't be helpful. Just keep working at it.

Everything is a learning experience. What one person labels as failure, another person sees as a discovery...of what works and what doesn't, what feels good and what doesn't, what is desired and what isn't.

I will join your club, but don't want to hijack so I will post alone. Sorry you're feeling this way. I hate it. (((((((((((((((((((strawberrybanana))))))))))

Stopping myself from making those comments is hard though...because I tell myself that what I'm doing is good and worthwhile, but deep down I don't believe it. I feel like i"m lying to myself.

Aw, I know exactly how you feel. (I read your other post). I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

By the way, I LOVE your icon and username. Brilliant.

Hi Echoes- thanks for the welcome. I laughed when I read your story about exercising more- that is TOTALLY something that I'd do.

I'm trying really hard to be kinder to myself. I think my two biggest problems right now are not believing myself and dwelling too much on the mistakes I've made in the past.

I really wish that confidence and higher self esteem were things you could just go out and buy. I still can't believe that I've made it this far without realizing that this isn't how everyone thinks/feels.

I would try to teach myself to wait until the other person I'm handing the whatever to makes the first comment. Or, I would simply try to change my "it's not very good" to a question like, "How is it?" or better, "How do you think it is?" and try to respond to the person instead of to whatever it is that you have made. Think "person" not "thing". If you can focus on another person then you won't be able to focus on your production and putting yourself down (because you're probably not going to call the other person a liar when they say how good whatever it is is :-) Pretend you're entering whatever it is in a contest and you aren't one of the judges so what you say doesn't "count."

Thanks for your kind words, Strawberry. I hope you are having a better day today.

((strawberrybanana))

You're learning and growing! You're going to do fine.

when i read your posts strawberrybanana, i feel as thought i'm reading my own thoughts! i have a horrible problem with beating myself up over things. i'm 28 now and i am still hard on myself over things that happened in elementary school!
one problem i have regarding this is that i have what some people refer to as a photographic memory, i remember things very well. all of the instances in my life where i have felt shame or embarrasement are so vivid in my memory. it's as if i relive those things everyday and i don't know how to stop. if anyone has suggestions, please let me know!!!

I do that too. I don't think that I do as much as I used to now, but I'm not sure how to stop. Try to focus on the things that you do well. They count just as much. Do you remember them too, or just the ones you feel shameful or embarassed about?