Why are you scare to post?

[Rhapsody]

Out of FEAR
... that someone might use what I have shared about my life / inner pains / past wounds against me at a later point & time or that they might use it to HURT ME.

I came to PC to receive Help, Support and Understanding, and not that of more unwanted PAIN / WOUNDS.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Thank you (((((((Rhapsody))))))) for your reply.

Many people who come here are scare to post or reply. I'm one of them. It could be because of abuse or any kind of reasons. Being more hurt then we already are is something very frighting.

This is why I think we should all be kind to each other, give our understanding and most of all respect each other.

Nobody really knows what someody else has gone through or is going through.

Much love!
Time0

[Rhapsody]

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time0 said:
Nobody really knows what somebody else has gone through or is going through.

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AMEN!! - I agree 100% with that statement.
.... for how can one judge another when they did not go through their personal h*ll?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
I use to post a lot more and I use to be open with all my feelings, good or bad, but not any more.

my life used to be an "open post" here......no more.

i will occasionally start a thread if i feel strongly enough about it (see women's forum) but i won't share very much now. and i'll stand up for myself in a thread but i don't like the "flee or fight" gut feeling that i sometimes get.

i was overwhelmed with the support when my nephew died and then i had to put my cat to sleep....i really, really was thankful for everyone's help then. i could not have made it through those times without knowing that wonderful friends were praying and sending me support 24/7. it means the world to me......xoxoxo pat

[h0kie]

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fayerody said:
i was overwhelmed with the support when my nephew died and then i had to put my cat to sleep

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I'm envious of your ability to ask for help, Pat.

I won't even do that. Been burned one time too many.

On the one hand, it's taught me I can get by without others support. If that's good or bad...I haven't decided.

i'm sorry you've experienced something that has caused you to feel too much pain to ask us for support.

it's hard to go it alone.......xoxoxo pat

[PasDeDeux]

Hi Time0 and all, for me I am not so much afraid as I am dismayed that when I first joined two people on here went around and asked and told others to NOT post to me I do not think they would like to be treated the same way. They had no basis for their wagging tongues....(fingers in this case) and so I have people who will PM me but are AFRAID to post in the open to me because they do not want these people causing issues for them or having their threads closed due to being bullied. It's childish and not very christian to treat ANYONE the way I have been treated on here.

i do not fear to post to you........as you know.......i felt, then, and still wish that you felt welcome here and i hate what happened to you........you're a super cool woman and i cherish our friendship very, very much.......love ya, pat

[PasDeDeux]

((Pat)) thank you. You are about the only one. I am blessed to have a good friend in you.

[January]

I moved this thread to this forum because it's an excellent way to interact to find out how to feel more safe in posting.

Hugs to all,

Jan

[Rhapsody]

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

I too am not afraid or decline to post to YOU - you are always welcome to PM me - for YOU have been RESPECTFUL and NICE to ME.... it is the ones that treat others so bad or poorly at a moments whim that keep me from posting as I once did.

... I now seek HELP and ADVICE from trusted PC People through PM.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

these fears and the reluctance that people feel to post here are the results of rumors and such being spread without an ounce of truth behind them.

it is so very hurtful to be suspected of being someone that you aren't.

and it is especially frustrating when someone tries to help the hurt poster by pointing out the truth and nothing changes......

[kimmydawn]

I'd like to remind everyone when posting to this thread that time0 asked a question, and a good one, about hesitancies in posting...to share, open up, work with fears and concerns.

I'm asking that this thread not be used as a means to air a personal conflict with another member here.

This is a good thread.

KD

With my answer -

I have fear in posting sometimes with "feeling posts" because when I do it makes them all the more real...just like when I was in therapy...to say them made them real, almost overbearing.

[SeptemberMorn]

I just have to agree with Pat here...

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and it is especially frustrating when someone tries to help the hurt poster by pointing out the truth and nothing changes

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Or they refuse to see the truth!

[LMo]

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Or they refuse to see the truth!

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yeah, but Sept... how is that empathetic? If someone PUSHED and PUSHED their version of the "truth" on me after I had made myself vulnerable, I'd be scared to post too. (the angry banging head doesn't help, either)

The goal here is to become comfortable with opening up and asking for help, right?

I think the first step is to look within ourselves to see if others would feel safe based on OUR replies. Are we posting with frustration against other members?

One valuable lesson that SeptMorn taught me (and this is a good one that I carry with me in all aspects of my life) is that while someone is intellectually capable of understanding "the truth", they just might not be emotionally ready to absorb it all at once. If they are upset, overwhelmed, confused... supporting them with empathy, compassion, and patience is going to go a lot further than making sure that they have every aspect of the truth pushed at them all in one day. Tomi, you've said to me a few times "ok, LMo - thanks for your help, but I've had enough for one day. Let me absorb this and I'll get back to you". WOW! I always am so impressed by your ability to do that - it is such an awesome way to let the other person know that you understand that they may have a good POV, but that you're feeling bombarded. And it's an especially good message for ME because I'm also the type who will push push push my point without trying to sense whether the other person has had enough for one day. So Tomi, thank you.

I think I got off-topic a little... oops

I don't want this to turn into a thread where accusations fly and feelings get hurt. So can I suggest a modified question:

"What can we do to make other people feel more safe to post?"

I like Time0's statement from her 2nd post in this thread:

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]This is why I think we should all be kind to each other, give our understanding and most of all respect each other. Nobody really knows what someody else has gone through or is going through.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[LMo]

I just thought of another take on the question, "Why are we scared to post?"

I mean, REALLY answer the question, but from your heart, not out of resentment toward other people.

What's the worst that happens if you open yourself up on an online forum, and someone jumps on you when you're feeling vulnerable? YES, I realize that some here have been hurt and abused badly, but how can we heal WITHOUT putting up a big wall around ourselves? It's real life - at no time in world history has there been perpetual peace and social understanding. It's probably not going to happen in our lifetime, not at PC or IRL. So it's up to US to figure out how we can put ourselves out there without being so sensitive that it causes stomach-wrenching or worse when someone posts something that seems hurtful to us?

So an alternate take on the question, if I may, is:

"How can I balance other people's opinions against my own feelings of self-worth?"

[manicN]

I think all too much and I am scared to post because I am thinking about what you will think about my post.

:-\

manicN said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think all too much and I am scared to post because I am thinking about what you will think about my post.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that is exactly how I am!!

and also, I'm so fearful of being ignored/invisible--

Was very invisible and didn't know how to get people to "see" me, I tried when I was a child but I think I didn't go about it right or something because others didn't help me.... or support me..... so I fear I am caught in a re-run and this very thing is my fate that will happen over and over.

mandy

[SeptemberMorn]

LMo, first of all, thank you for validating something I've said. It sure feels good!

My angry faces and the head banging come from frustration of saying things in as many ways as I can possibly think of and it's always taken the wrong way; as an attack or to purposely hurt that person. That has never been my intention! But will they believe me? NO! They'd rather tell me what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. Like my daughter used to say when she was little, "You don't have my feelings." Why can't people accept that the intention wasn't to hurt??

Yeah, ok. So their perception is different from mine. LMo, you know what I do. I stop and think to see if there's even a grain of truth in what was said. Maybe I have the courage that others lack to be able to accept critizism, I don't know. But if I find that grain of truth, I accept it and try my darndest to change it. So there's been times that I've felt I needed to defend myself because I thought the greater wrong was done by the other person. Sorry, but I don't have acceptance of my bad points mastered. I'm a damn sight better than I was, though... and thanks to you!

I think I'm afraid to post is when I feel like I've cried about what I want to post about once too often and I'm afraid people are sick of hearing about it.
OR when I really get into my post and it's really long and I think OMG-nobody's going to take the time to read this!!
OR when there are others who are going through so much worst that I sound like a little whiney baby who's crying about nothing and I should be spending my time appreciating that I am not suffering like they are.
There's more but that's all I'll write for now.

I think we should also keep in mind that sometime we post for support and sometime we post just for a discussion.

A discussion doesn't mean rude arguements but different point of views on a subjet. It doesn't mean we have to agree, just, state our point of view. Discussion can be interesting and we can learn a lot. Learning should always have a place in our life. We can discuss and respect at same time.

When it comes to support, we should keep in mind that if the poster is asking for the support it means the poster is hurting right now at the instant he/she has posted and the poster doesn't need more hurt. So if we can't say something nice to uplift he/her spirit, we shouldn't say anything. Also if we can't found any words to say to this poster, who is hurting, a simple "icon" can do so much. At least the poster knows he/she has been heard.

Thank you!

[okiedokie]

I am afraid to post or choose not to because:
I usually feel left out here at PC, esp. when I read about how others have made so many friends here and I don't feel like I know anyone.

When I do post my POV there are usually no responses.

I'm afraid someone might recognize me professionally and I will lose my anonymity.

I don't know whether I can truly be candid with my opinion or must only post "there, there, it will be alright."

I've recognized (as has everyone else here) who are the people who have problems with each other. Sort of like the "elephant in the living room" phenomena with no resolution.

When I first joined here, I couldn't hardly wait until someone PM'd me--until I got two separate PMs from people blasting me unfairly. One of the posters was a teenager telling me to take my "mother crap" somewhere else.

Okie

[SeptemberMorn]

Wise words, Time0! It's sad that it's seldom remembered.

We should make your post a guideline!

[SeptemberMorn]

"I usually feel left out here at PC, esp. when I read about how others have made so many friends here and I don't feel like I know anyone."

I understand how you feel. Thing is, if you don't post, people don't get to know you.

"When I first joined here, I couldn't hardly wait until someone PM'd me--until I got two separate PMs from people blasting me unfairly. One of the posters was a teenager telling me to take my "mother crap" somewhere else."

As a community, we're supposed to be supportive even in our PMs. I hope you sent a copy of those PMs to Admin or a moderator! That teenager that sent you such a hurtful PM has a keen lack of respect! He/she wouldn't have gotten away with it on the board, that's for sure!

{{{{{{{{Okie}}}}}}}}}}}