[Wants2Fly]

The associate dean dropped by to let me know that I am not one of the three people selected for the full-time teaching positions. I will go back to the adjunct pool making such bad money that I will not be able to support myself.

Lack of self-esteem, lack of emotional intelligence have done me in.

wants, i am so very sorry. is there anything i can right now? xoxoxo pat

[Wants2Fly]

I guess it's a part of my self-esteem issues, but I am not feeling much like I am a part of this community right now.

[Juliana]

Oh, Wants2Fly, I'm so sorry. I thought you would get that job. You must be terribly disappointed. I know it's a blow to your self-esteem, but try to remember there are SO many subjective reasons for why people DO and DO NOT get hired. It's often more about the interviewers than it is about the candidates.

Just today, the replacement for my boss was announced. It was an international search and it was narrowed down to three candidates. During the interview process, our department sat down with each of the candidates and talked for an hour. Afterwards, we had to send a review of each candidate to the President of the university. Everyone in my department felt the same way. We all chose the same candidate. We thought she was competent, sensible and a real get-down-to-business, no-nonsense kind of person who would get things done. It turns out that the job was offered to someone else, though. The successful candidate was our LAST choice. He's nice, but we thought he would be uneffective in the position. Apparently, someone in a position of authority disagree for their own personal reasons. The woman who didn't get hired is probably wondering what she did wrong and the fact is, she did NOTHING wrong. She did everything right. We thought she was PERFECT for the position, but she didn't get the job offer.

If you try to make sense of this and blame this on something you feel is lacking in yourself, you're being very unfair to yourself. You never know what kind of nepotism or personal reactions are going on behind the scenes. It's not about you. I have sat on interview panels, and I admit that sometimes I eliminated a candidate (subconsciously) just because of personal stuff -- someone reminded me of an aunt I don't care for. It's not fair, but that kind of stuff happens all the time. The interviewers are flawed humans just like the rest of us and they're fallible and their decisions are never as objective as we (or they) would like them to be.

I hope you find that this closed door leads you to a better open door soon. That's what happened to me recently. I was devastated about not getting a particular job but in hindsight I'm glad I didn't get it, because a much better one came along soon after.

((((((Wants2Fly)))))

[sabby]

(((((((((Wants))))))))))) Juliana is spot on with her post. I've worked in the university field before and saw exactly what she said when it came down to hiring a new Dean for the department I worked for. It was exasperating for the candidates and in the end, the worst one was chosen for the position. The powers that be are sometimes short-sighted in their decisions for a lot of different reasons as Juliana eludes to.

I'm so sorry this has been such a difficult time for you. But the adage about other doors opening when one is shut is so very true. One just needs to keep an open mind about the possibilities.

I hope you feel better soon dear one!



Hugsssssss
J

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you for your responses, Juliana and Sabau. It means so very much to be acknowledged and cared about when one feels very much alone and scared.

I can control tears; I can refuse to badmouth anyone, as some fellow faculty tried doing in an effort to commiserate (they meant well, but tearing anyone else down does not make me feel better about myself), but the one thing I can't control is physical stress responses.

I have raging diarrhea, my joints ache, and lethargic fatigue is almost overwhelming.

I never log in the AM, but it meant so much to me to have a response or two that I logged on before leaving home, just for this little burst of comfort.

Juliana

Sabau

[Perna]

Discrimination is not a personal screw-up; we have to "tell it like it is" and set healthy boundaries and point out unfair practices. I would look at the other side and see my "worth" and how unfortunate it would be if I were to take my life experiences and go elsewhere!

I had a bad working situation where my boss was not going to change. My T told me I had the choice of changing jobs or getting depressed. I found myself a "third" way as there were aspects of myself, the "situation," and other situations at work not directly/immediately related to my job (other relationships) that I still wanted to explore. Something is always bound to "give" when there's "tension" of any sort, I work to make sure I'm not the one who is going to snap :-) but if I get "flung" to a new area of my life, to a new experience, that's fine, I try to look on it as an adventure.

I deliberately worked part-time for over 10 years so I could start and stop jobs "at will" because I had trouble with starting and quitting jobs, was always anxious. I decided I wanted to work on that and as soon as I realized I "control" my coming and goings and can have my own plans, etc. I quit being so concerned what the companies working for me :-) were doing.

((((hugs)))

Wants, for your shoulders.........xoxoxo pat

[Wants2Fly]

I just talked to my T (whom I haven't been with for about a year because she lives in a county far, far away), and she said she'd had the strongest urge to call me when she got my message.

She pshawed the whole idea that I'd been disrespectful in any way, said the whole thing was clear but unprovable ageism, and the way everyone from the Dean on down falls over themselves to support S. because "he has the twins" and is Mr. Mom while his wife earns a very nice six-figure income as a high-powered executive is another kind of discrimination.

Thank you, Pat and Perna, for pointing this out. I tend to see the log in my own eye, when it's only a splinter, the reverse of the bible parable.

((((((((Wants)))))))))

Wants, i'm older than you and i've been turned down for so many jobs due to my age. or sexism.

in 1967, i tested for Veterinary School at Oklahoma State University. I was accepted. The day I was told that I made it, a professor walked up to me and said this, "i hope you know that you've just taken the place of a deserving young man"......i said, "no, you're wrong, the school just got a deserving and smart young woman who will make the best damned veterinarian you've seen in years"........

turned out my veterinary school will be 40 this December. i was pregnant and didn't know it and didn't go on.........ageism, sexism, it all sucks. and we won't see the end of it in our grandchildren's lifetimes..........i'm sorry, but that's how i see it. xoxoxo pat

[Wants2Fly]

Thanks, Pat. I need to hear these things right now. Sanity.

People say one door closes and another door opens. But it seems that all I feel is the doors hitting me on the ***.

or i find myself in a hall of mazes.

[Wants2Fly]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
fayerody said:
Wants, i'm older than you and i've been turned down for so many jobs due to my age. or sexism.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The small amount of years that you are older than I am only matters K-12. After that, it evens out . . .

Fayerody

[Rapunzel]

((((((((( Wants2 ))))))))))

I'm so sorry you didn't get the job. I'm sure also that it isn't you, but I wonder if it has more to do with that they are able to get what they want out of you as an adjunct professor, so they just keep you there because you stay. Would you consider going someplace else? What do you teach? Could you do anything with it besides teaching?

I've been stuck in jobs where I was overqualified and they used me because I did a good job with what they needed me to do, but they wouldn't give me credit for it or raises or promotions because they just didn't want to pay what I was worth. It stinks. If your employer is like that, the only way to improve your circumstances seems to be to leave and find someone who appreciates you.

TC,
Rap

[Wants2Fly]

It is not because they want to keep me as an adjunct. Every other person on a nine-month contract had previously been an adjunct, and many are moving into the permanent positions.

Age and sex discrimination may be involved. Plus, I happened to observe that the emperor had no clothes regarding those issues, and that was when my ship started to sink.

I think that I just don't know how to get along with people. My Emotional Intelligence score isn't so very low, but I can be abrasive and defensive.

Every post menopausal woman who has kindly listened to my story including my T, and one male who is an x- college administrator in another country, say discrimination as soon as I start to internalize this as "my fault."

I can see this intellectually but my internal feelings are that I am "not good enough."

My financial situation is serious. Fear overwhelms me, and my lack of self-esteem paralyzes me.

Wants, do you remember when I worked at Hobby Lobby in the frameshop? All of those kids nearly died when I was hired and we ended up being the very best of friends.....extremely close. It's too bad that a lot of employers can't look past our age or sex and hire us for what we know and can do......I lucked out there big time!!!!