I still don't understand the concept of self esteem

I think I have self worth. I think I am innately worthy.

But I also know pretty well what I am good and bad at.

Like I'm good at language
I'm bad at math
I read well silently
I have huge issues reading aloud
I am a good friend
I am easy to misunderstand if you don't know me
I'm good at caring for my pets
I'm bad at cleaning my apartment and do dishes

For me these are just facts. They don't have much emotion attached to them. I sometimes find pleasure in something I did well or feel bad about something others can do better than me.

But all this is connected with reality. So I don't seem to have self esteem at all, not good nor bad.

Wiki explains it is the belief you are good or bad at something. I don't believe, I know facts. Is good and bad self esteem some kind of delusion then? A strong feeling you THINK you are so TERRIFIC at something (and you might not be) or you THINK you are so BAD at something (and you might be OK at it really)?

Is self esteem just some mood thing with some delusions tossed in?

I've always wondered what people meant when they said it.

I think it is more than knowing what you are good or bad at. It has the element of subjective feeling of inadequacy that is manifested in your behavior in relation to others. Like you don't deserve something, e.g., being loved, or that you are always going to fail so you won't try. People with low self-esteem always have self-destructing internal conversations.

I suggest that self-esteem is not being too hard on yourself - some things you are good at others you are not, some things you can improve, others perhaps not - that is the way it is, no point feeling down about it.

You are not over-comparing yourself to others are you? No such a good idea, that.

Self esteem is having low standards for yourself? Hm....

I think I deserve a lot, even stuff I don't get, LOL.

Self esteem seems connected to what you do somehow... self worth is more a feeling you are worthy, like almost magically. I have self worth.

All these concepts confuse me.

Maybe self esteem is not just knowing in theory you're good at something, but you have some kind of emotion attached to it, like Yay I know this stuff!... so a happiness about what you are good at? Can that be it?

Bad self-esteem is, lol.

I think self-esteem and self-concept are linked almost as much as self-esteem and self-worth. Think about what "esteem" is: it's respect, honor of sorts given to someone because of something about them. At best, it's a lack of condemnation.

You honestly sound like someone with awesome, healthy self-esteem: namely that the things you're bad at don't bother you (though, you don't seem to value your strengths one way or the other...). It's just "I'm good at x, I'm not so good at z". No emotion. Totally foreign to me - being good at something (to my own standards where I could take others' comments seriously) would, I hope, give me new reason for self-respect, esteem whatever. It would imply, to me, that I am a useful, valuable person, I'm good for something, I'm deserving, etc.

By contrast, I eviscerate myself emotionally over the things I'm bad at: failure and inferiority mean I'm objectively useless, unlovable, maybe I don't even deserve to live if enough of it compounds. I dwell on things, I see no reason to try if I fail.

Your sense of self-worth seems to compensate for any possible feelings like this - you see yourself as good, worthy, etc regardless of flaws. As far as I can tell, that's self-esteem, or a good enough substitute. Maybe that's why it confuses you: most people only talk about it in the unhealthy sense.

Self-esteem and self-worth are intimately related. You could not knowing something but still have high self-esteem. You convince yourself, I am not perfect, and I don't have to know everything. But perfectionists usually suffer from low self-esteem because they want to be perfect in everything, and think their values are derived from what they do. I know people who are not educated, and know nothing in science, politics, religions, and have no skilled jobs, but have very high self-esteem. On the other hand, I know others who are more educated and knowledgeable but have low self-esteem. It depends on how you view yourself, I think, regardless of what do can and cannot do.

Self-love, self-respect.

There are loads of people who are full of themselves despite them not being good at anything. Just because they think they are "normal". I hate that.

I think it is more like because they think like a normal human being.

Thanks everyone. I think I finally understand this concept, which has been quite hard because it is not the way I think.

Even if I don't, I have actually found one area where self esteem matters even for me, and that is what I predict the outcome would be if I try something I don't know if I am good at or not. I guess someone with good self esteem would assume they could learn the new thing, while the one with bad self esteem would think maybe they will not learn. If it was anywhere near my believed capacity I would probably assume I would be quite awful at it at the beginning. Then see how I'd do. So I guess I'd end up somewhere in the middle?

There are so many self thingies really. Self worth (the most important one I think), self esteem, self like, self love... I've gone mad at self for messing things up. I have been disappointed in some physical aspects of self. My ego has been bruised. But even when I have been raging self hating, it has always been episodic and never lasted. I have also gone through phases of thinking I am better than I am. But I still seem to land at where I don't even reflect on self anything. I just exist and do my stuff.

But learning about these things is great because it means learning about how other people think. Which is a lifelong lesson (or should be at least).

Keeps my mind busy.

For example, for the body image, people who think they are not within the "norm" and that others might think so as well, will most likely have low self-esteem, but people who think they are (even if they are actually not) or they don't care, their self-esteem will be higher, if that makes sense.

Like I said, a type of delusion.

Kind of, but it works miracles.

Its a by-product of how one lives ones life.

Two sides to it:

Self Trust + Self Worth
Self Respect + Self efficacy
"I Am Enough" + Competence
Worthiness + Reliance
Self Acceptance + Self Improvement

Are different ways of putting it. The experience of esteem is the by product of it.

Nathaniel Branden who wrote the book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem goes quite well into this.

He says the "six pillars" of self esteem are living the practices of:

1) Awareness
2) Acceptance
3) Responsibility
4) Assertiveness
5) Integrity
6) Purpose

He has a lot of free stuff on his website and exercises for it too. Was life changing for me.

So it sounds self esteem could be one of those mixed concepts. Would explain why I have a hard time grasping it.

My brain prefers concepts that only have one thing to it.

Say there is a word for how it feels to be both cold and wet. I would have a hard time grasping it, because that is two different things that just happens to coincide.