Thinking my life (myself) away

Hi,

I've been doing therapy work to heal from dissociation (cutting off my emotions). Lately, I've noticed I seem to be 'thinking away' my life. Like, when I feel tired at night, instead of switching off the TV/laptop, going to brush my teeth and getting to bed, it's like there's an explosion in my head of all the things I should do first. If I'm about to cry, the same thing - my mind explains away the reasons I should cry. This happens with everything - when I'm hungry, happy, whatever..

I think this became a habit of mine growing up with parents who didn't accept/appreciate my authentic self. They got angry (like, really livid - they were scary and dangerous) when I was myself. But now, even if (when) some people won't accept me, I don't want to lose myself. If I meet people who will threaten me for being myself, I'll do everything I can to avoid them. At work, I'll try to get along with people as best I can, but not to the point of losing myself. And the people who do like, appreciate and accept me as I am, well, they're the ones I hope to become friends with

Just felt I needed to share this.. Hope it'll help me let go of the excessive thinking..

Thanks d.o.a. for posting this. I am sorry you had parents like that. It can make life really hard. it is inspiring that you are work so hard to overcome things. I wish you all the very best.

(((d.o.a.)))

While I am very sad to read about your difficult childhood, with completely unaccepting {is that a word? I'm going with it! } parents, it sounds like you have made some real healthy changes in your daily life. And that is very encouraging! While the changes aren't comfortable for you to make, you are true to yourself & holding steady on what you believe. That is awesome!! woo-hoo

I *think* that your overthinking is a phase of emotional development. It really does sound as though you are on the right track, to me. While the process feels long and very frustrating, this phase will pass soon enough.

Very best wishes and gentle hugs to you!

(((((((((hugs))))))

Hi d.o.a,

Maybe just a little of this is the therapy helping you more deeply examining your emotions/feelings/yourself/the things you could be doing.........???
If so that needn't at all be a bad thing, that could actually be an aspect of progress, and it's SO CLEAR from your amazing insight in your thread (and previous one's!!!) that you are making real progress............so KUDOS for that!!
It's more a problem with the intensity/frequency of these thoughts though, right??
And maybe they're triggering or triggered by a little insecurity, defense mechanisms going into overdrive, anxiety or.............??
Maybe throwing some mindfullness, a little meditation, some relaxation techniques, mantra's to block the thoughts (depending on the situation at the time) into the work you're doing with your T could help release you from some of the intensity/frequency of the thoughts..........???
But some of those thoughts may be worth writing down for later reference.........maybe they could validate some feelings, help you with a little more self exploration, give you some basis for thinking about ways to make things a little easier to cope with...........???

And fantastic (!! ) that you're holding onto who you are and staying true to yourself, not compromising that for others, because you have every right to feel really proud of the person you are!!!
You ARE an incredible person!!



Alison

Phew!!!! Good thread everyone. I can almost feel the catharsis coming over me. Pleasant read. Thanks.

Wow, thank you all so much for your empathy and support You're really great!

I definitely feel the overthinking has been a form of self-preservation.. It's like, if I stay in my head, then no one can break my heart.. Because the way it was blown to smithereens when I was only just beginning my life was way too much for me to handle back then. There was no one to explain to me that it was my parents with the issues and that being abandoned emotionally by them had nothing to do with me..

I think part of healing is to understand this now, as an adult, and then letting it go.. I don't want to hold on to the overthinking anymore because it's actually making me ill not listening to my body's messages about needing to eat, sleep, exercise..

Hello
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