I struggle immensely with self-esteem and confidence. I believe it goes back to my childhood and youth which weren't happy years.. I've always felt less than nothing because my dad didn't want me. But I was just reading about how others' judgement of us is a reflection of them, and realised my dad just wanting to get away from me was/is a reflection of his fear or resentment of being needy - probably because he was never seen nor accepted with his needs growing up. It really didn't (doesn't) mean I'm worthless, and I am allowed to have needs even though he resented and looked down his nose at them!

Just wanted to share if maybe this could help others see someone's judgement of them in a different light All the very best to you today, and hugs!

[IrisBloom]

I came to this realization some time ago. It is freeing, right?

It really is! I feel like there's room for self-love now that I realise others' judgements aren't who I am It's like I'm learning I am worthy, and I am good. No one can take that away from me..

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[EsteemedGuy]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I struggle immensely with self-esteem and confidence. I believe it goes back to my childhood and youth which weren't happy years.. I've always felt less than nothing because my dad didn't want me. But I was just reading about how others' judgement of us is a reflection of them, and realised my dad just wanting to get away from me was/is a reflection of his fear or resentment of being needy - probably because he was never seen nor accepted with his needs growing up. It really didn't (doesn't) mean I'm worthless, and I am allowed to have needs even though he resented and looked down his nose at them!

Just wanted to share if maybe this could help others see someone's judgement of them in a different light All the very best to you today, and hugs!

Hi not.dead.yet

YES! you are worthy, always remember that... Realizing that your past(youth years)
was not happy days because of daddy issues, is the key to letting go of your past, forgiveness( forgive yourself and forgive daddy for his part) and then you will find peace of Mind...

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[Fuzzybear]

[Marla500]

Thank you not.dead.yet, you are right and this is a great thing to carry with us as we go about our day

[Marylin]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I struggle immensely with self-esteem and confidence. I believe it goes back to my childhood and youth which weren't happy years.. I've always felt less than nothing because my dad didn't want me. But I was just reading about how others' judgement of us is a reflection of them, and realised my dad just wanting to get away from me was/is a reflection of his fear or resentment of being needy - probably because he was never seen nor accepted with his needs growing up. It really didn't (doesn't) mean I'm worthless, and I am allowed to have needs even though he resented and looked down his nose at them!

Just wanted to share if maybe this could help others see someone's judgement of them in a different light All the very best to you today, and hugs!

My family were just like your dad except they hated being needed and me being a needy 5 year old that they neglected but were forced at times to pay attention to,meant I grew up being hated and resented by them.I have played that very same role in my family until six weeks ago and I am 52 years old now.I have only just realized reading your post,how everything they criticized me for wasn't about me but about their resentment of me.
I haven't begun yet to see myself without the lens of their eyes so I don't know how I really feel about myself of who I really am yet.So much of me was misrepresented by them.I have always felt bad and punished myself always seeing myself in relation to them.

I have started to be someone in my own right,away from them.It is exciting,who am I really,what do I like what do I want?What was I exposing them to that they could not bear to look at that made them hate me and want to destroy me so much,my precious family who reminded me daily how important they were and how much I didn't matter?

No wonder I had no confidence or self esteem.I went to university and just broke down I was so full of self hatred,people liked me there but I couldn't believe it,I thought I was stupid, ignorant,inexperienced and useless and I put myself over as someone who wasn't capable of socializing or even studying,I attracted bullies cos I criticized myself so much and had such low self esteem,no emotional support from my dear family,they just dumped me there waiting for me to fail which I soon did.

Yes thank you for your insight,it is so helpful to me,and though I am 52 it isn't too late,cos I am not dead yet,pardon the pun not dead yet,ha ha!

Thank you so much for sharing your story, Marylin. I'm glad this thread helped you gain some clarity

You're absolutely right, it's not too late! You know, I once read a book written by a counsellor that started with a story about a woman who'd gone to his office and told him, 'I want to deal with the demons from my childhood' - the woman was 80 years old! It ain't over till it's over

From everything I've learned, I'll also tell you that we humans form out sense of self in relation to other people. So, to heal, I think you need to find and let in people who are good to you, who can see you as you are, who will show you you're worthy and wonderful just as you are! People who are different from your parents.

It's not easy when our view of ourselves has been skewed from the start.. As much as it hurts, there's also safety in viewing ourselves as we always have - we know how to be in that scenario, that world, that bubble. As much as it isn't true. It's a slow process that we might even resist at times. We may have to walk through immense pain.. But we can make it to the other side! And it's SO worth it

I'm so glad you're taking the steps towards finding out and becoming who you were meant to be All the best on your journey!

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I struggle immensely with self-esteem and confidence. I believe it goes back to my childhood and youth which weren't happy years.. I've always felt less than nothing because my dad didn't want me. But I was just reading about how others' judgement of us is a reflection of them, and realised my dad just wanting to get away from me was/is a reflection of his fear or resentment of being needy - probably because he was never seen nor accepted with his needs growing up. It really didn't (doesn't) mean I'm worthless, and I am allowed to have needs even though he resented and looked down his nose at them!

Just wanted to share if maybe this could help others see someone's judgement of them in a different light All the very best to you today, and hugs!

Thank you for this, truly. I'm having a hard time right now and I am being judged harshly by someone that I can't get away from for several days. Your post helps a lot and it's spot-on. I'm going to re-read it a lot over the next few days.

So much of it is really perspective sometimes (for me) - I can get through hard times with a strong mindset. Your post made me think about my situation and I thought, "It's hard right now, but I've got this. Their issues belong to THEM, not me."

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I struggle immensely with self-esteem and confidence. I believe it goes back to my childhood and youth which weren't happy years.. I've always felt less than nothing because my dad didn't want me. But I was just reading about how others' judgement of us is a reflection of them, and realised my dad just wanting to get away from me was/is a reflection of his fear or resentment of being needy - probably because he was never seen nor accepted with his needs growing up. It really didn't (doesn't) mean I'm worthless, and I am allowed to have needs even though he resented and looked down his nose at them!

Just wanted to share if maybe this could help others see someone's judgement of them in a different light All the very best to you today, and hugs!

I used to go to a 12 step meeting where we studied the statement: "If ya spot it, ya got it!" And the focus was on the vile, ugly and mean things others say or have said to us and we to them. The point of those meetings was to examine how most of what someone says to another is about the offender and not their victim. We used to laugh a lot over the rotten things others said to us when we were defenseless little kids and didn't now the abusers were projecting their own "stuff" onto us. As these teachings sunk in, I felt an enormous relief at no longer believing all the vile, abusive things that had been thrown my way over the years and even more rewarding to see how I had projected much of my faults and shame onto innocent others. Projection is an amazing and seductive fault in us humans and rarely recognized for what it really is. Watch the political drama and you will see many examples of mindless projections amongst the contestants for the oval office. UGH!