[-Astral-]

Hi i didnt know there was a forum here for this
I have low self esteem and a lot of self hate
i put myself down all the time my husband says i do it a lot call myself fat , i call myself stupid , evil , worthless
my husband says am knocking the only little bit of self esteem i have and making myself worse i dont see am worth anything at all
to be honest if it wasnt for my husband being here id be dead my husband is my carer he looks after me he loves me but i cant love myself even a little

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by -Asphyxia-

Hi i didnt know there was a forum here for this
I have low self esteem and a lot of self hate
i put myself down all the time my husband says i do it a lot call myself fat , i call myself stupid , evil , worthless
my husband says am knocking the only little bit of self esteem i have and making myself worse i dont see am worth anything at all
to be honest if it wasnt for my husband being here id be dead my husband is my carer he looks after me he loves me but i cant love myself even a little

[Frankbtl]

Hi -Asphyxia-

I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself, but it is good that you've arrived here
Kind of my very first questions would be has/have any thing/s happened in your life to trigger these feelings about yourself and is anything adding to you feeling like this now in your life??
If so, it can be real hard trying to work on the symptoms without confronting causes...........understandably very hard
But you really don't need to feel obliged to talk about anything you don't want to

And..........some things you might want to look at (if you haven't already!!) are whether your expectations of yourself are "reasonable", whether you might be seeing fault where either there is none or you're blowing them up out of proportion, whether you're giving yourself credit where you deserve it to balance out things you're not so happy about, whether you may be misjudging others perception of you...........
And there may be things you'd like to action plan in your life/changes you want to make...........and maybe we can support you/help you feel empowered to make those changes here...........but you know.........I really don't think you're seeing your true value right now either..........

And you've probably heard all of this before , but honestly no-one is perfect........even people who may seem so.........that only means we haven't seen their imperfections not that they aren't there, and some of them may be way more imperfect than you could ever imagine.
The "stupid" bit............we're all going to make mistakes at times, we're all going to get things wrong however hard we try/don't try.........doesn't need to always matter........that's about being human, sometimes all we can do is try to eventually not make those mistakes again.........that can be a (sometimes slow) process, but no saying that it can't be done. And sometimes some mistakes seriously don't matter anyway...........
And "worthless"...........to me every single person has/can have value...........however you measure that...........sometimes it can be about us exploring different ways to measure worth.......
And "fat"...........maybe you want to lose weight...........and if so that's OK........that can be attainable with a regime or support.........but I am always going to argue that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". So maybe it is much more about growing to feel better about yourself from the inside.........??

The "self love" bit though.........I'd say that could be real hard for plenty of people even without self-esteem issues...........so go gentle on yourself hey (??).........if it's not there that's OK, it doesn't mean that you're not worthy of being loved or that you aren't "lovable", that you're not still real valuable
My suggestion, as that can be a massive first goal for a lot of people, would instead be to start with a little more "self-acceptance", moving on towards more self-respect, or liking bits........then more bits..........about yourself..........and there will be bits in there to like.........you may not see them/many of them yet..........but in time..........does that maybe sound a bit more realistic to you??

But, great you've found here.........so keep on posting/threading, hey??



Alison

[-Astral-]

i was abused from a young age by friends of the family and others
i noticed that if someone is paying a complement i think am not what they say i am or there after something ...i was also bulled at school as well

i dont think there anything to complement about me

thank you for posting back to me

[Ladypunk]

I also have a lot of issues with low self esteem, so I spmewhat understand what you're going through, it's extremely hard to believe you're worth as much as every other person, you are better than you think you are. I hope you (and me) will accept and come to love yourself one day

[Frankbtl]

Hi -Asphyxia-

I'm so sorry you've been treated that way, and I think that makes the way you feel about yourself very understandable
To have instilled in you the concept/belief that you are "less than........" from so young by so many.........
And I'm guessing that when people are complimenting you you're thinking things like "they don't really know me", "what do they know", "they're just trying to be nice", "they're patronising me", "it's just a throw away comment", "they've got ulterior motives"................
But you know what..........whether you believe that person means/feels/is real about the compliment or not at that particular time or not..........doesn't have to make it less true in itself. So.........I'm not even asking you to believe/have faith in their comments right now.........but more to see the positives in/for yourself.
And despite you thinking there aren't any .........wouldn't you agree with me that it can take a lot of real strength and courage to take the step to post online about things you're most sensitive about??!!
And you've done that!!!! So from me.........real respect.........and I hope you accept massive kudos for that and give yourself some too!!!
And that's only one thing you probably haven't been giving yourself credit for

As for the abusers/bullies..........you know that they really don't deserve to be dictating how you feel about yourself/the way you're living, right?
It's a sign of their deficits, not deficits in you that they behaved that way towards you. No-one deserves to be abused or bullied, you didn't deserve to be abused/bullied
So let their problems remain with them, you don't deserve to carry their burden, you've suffered enough from their deficits

And it's now time to celebrate you, who you really are, away from their ****
And.........we've kicked off with.........you've shown a lot of strength and courage posting on here.........that's undeniable..........next.............just something/anything..........could be "stuff you've managed to make it through"..........could be pride in standing up for yourself at some/any time.........could be a caring act you've done.........could be honesty (like on here!!!!) you've shown............could be you quite like your eyes............could be anything..........but just something, hey??
You are not a reflection of their inadequacies..........you are you, someone to be valued

Alison

[-Astral-]

Sorry i didnt reply to this after the above post was posted
i just want to thank you for what you said
am having a hard time with myself finding it hard to eat and not call myself fat
Am doing things self injury and mentally abusing myself
I feel like i cant be happy i struggle so much
My husband says i worry all the time non stop worrying
My husband says i do it to myself
My husband tries to understand but i cant express the things i want to say
av tried expressing it throught art and other things but i think am crap at most things and if i do something wrong am hard on myself
Am scared my husband will get fed up of me being like this and find someone who isnt like me
Sorry kind posted a lot there
anyway thank you for posting back to me and sorry it took so long to post back