[StewieGG]

I look and feel so gross and its making me more depressed than I am already.

I was with my friend today and noticed how confident and stylish she is, and I felt sad because I am not. This is unlike me, I usually don't compare myself to others. I think it didn't help that my boyfriend's mother told me recently after I got my hair cut that my old hair was a 'raggedy old mess'. I felt shocked, I think because I was walking around with a terrible hair and nobody told me, she was just silently thinking that about me.

I am very painfully shy, I think that's down to my illness. I feel very unattractive, I have a very attractive boyfriend though and it makes me worry that he will find someone better, more beautiful, more intelligent. I also am aware I'm not very smart and it brings me down. I missed a lot of school due to my mental health problems, that as well at meds making me not quite with it, I come across as dumb. It brings me down.

I have a long, long road ahead of me if I want to be confident or at least self accepting, I just don't know quite how to get there.

[Skeezyks]

Hello StewieGG: I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself. I don't know as there is much I can offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

The good news here is that you are aware of what you perceive your "shortcomings" to be. So you can take steps to improve. Of course, as I'm sure you realize, the best solution here would be if you could come to accept yourself just as you are... without feeling the need to make changes to satisfy anyone but yourself. However, I know how it is. You want others, especially your bf, to see you as smart, confident, beautiful, sexy... all those things the culture tells us we should be.

You wrote that you have a long road ahead. The important thing is to try not to look too far down that road all at once. Just take it one step at a time. The longest journey begins with a single step...

[StewieGG]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello StewieGG: I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself. I don't know as there is much I can offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

The good news here is that you are aware of what you perceive your "shortcomings" to be. So you can take steps to improve. Of course, as I'm sure you realize, the best solution here would be if you could come to accept yourself just as you are... without feeling the need to make changes to satisfy anyone but yourself. However, I know how it is. You want others, especially your bf, to see you as smart, confident, beautiful, sexy... all those things the culture tells us we should be.

You wrote that you have a long road ahead. The important thing is to try not to look too far down that road all at once. Just take it one step at a time. The longest journey begins with a single step...

Thank you for replying I think I'm just going to take one step at a time of accepting myself for how I am. Thanks again

[groundhog9410]

Originally Posted by StewieGG

I look and feel so gross and its making me more depressed than I am already.

I was with my friend today and noticed how confident and stylish she is, and I felt sad because I am not. This is unlike me, I usually don't compare myself to others. I think it didn't help that my boyfriend's mother told me recently after I got my hair cut that my old hair was a 'raggedy old mess'. I felt shocked, I think because I was walking around with a terrible hair and nobody told me, she was just silently thinking that about me.

I am very painfully shy, I think that's down to my illness. I feel very unattractive, I have a very attractive boyfriend though and it makes me worry that he will find someone better, more beautiful, more intelligent. I also am aware I'm not very smart and it brings me down. I missed a lot of school due to my mental health problems, that as well at meds making me not quite with it, I come across as dumb. It brings me down.

I have a long, long road ahead of me if I want to be confident or at least self accepting, I just don't know quite how to get there.

You said you don't know quite how to get there. I want to share with you what I do to achieve a goal. Write down what your goals are and be specific. If you want to be confident, smart, pretty, and happy, specifically define what confident, smart, pretty, and happy mean to you. Define your words and goals based on your standards, not the standards of others. Then write down an easy and realistic task that you can accomplish for each goal within a short amount of time. Repeat the tasks if necessary and gradually add any additional tasks that you want to accomplish to reach your overall goals. Be patient, concentrate on the short-term goals, and remember what your long-term goals, and you will hopefully be able to to attain your desired goals.

Here is an example. Say your overall goal is to be smart. Part of your definition of being smart is that you want to have a broad vocabulary so you are able to understand every word you read and every word people say to you. Your short-term goal is to increase your vocabulary. Your short-term task is that each day for one week, you write down one word you read or hear that you do not understand, look up the definition in a dictionary, and write your own sentence using the word to show that you understand what it means. It is okay if you do not know how the word is spelled. Do your best. If two words have similar spellings and you do not know either one, look up both words. Librarians, internet search engines, and online dictionaries can help you find the correct spelling of a word. You can find examples of each word being used in a sentence on the internet. Repeat this weekly until you feel that your vocabulary has increased. If you want to do more, look up as many words each day that you want to, but do not overwhelm yourself. Keep your task simple. When you feel comfortable knowing what the words mean, try using them in phrases that you say to people. Soon enough, you will feel yourself becoming smarter and accomplishing your overall goal.

I hope this is helpful. I can explain it further or give you another example if you want me to. What are your definitions of confident, smart/intelligent, pretty/attractive, and happy?

[Sglasgow]

I feel the same way..I've let go of taking care of my appearance (there was a time very very long ago that i could never take my earings out because i felt 'naked' and today i rarely wear them).

My self esteem issue goes a bit deeper. I feel worthless as a human. I grew up in the US from the age of 9 yet i am undocumented, therefore i am unable to attend college and have a proper job like any other human being. I am filled with self loathing and feeling sub human in a household where i am the odd one out. I feel like i have no hopes for a future and for the normal things people do like paying taxes , buying a home...normal stuff. It's like trying to reach for the stars and my eyes are watering up. I'm triggering myself lol..

I'm sorry if my reply got out of hand but today i joined and i have so much to share..so much help i need to end my total loneliness.

Alot of us are on the same boat for vastly different reasons and experiences. I hope you find some help or some way to cope with your feelings ❤❤❤❤ try not to forget that we are all pink in the inside and breathe the same air, you have the same right to be here as all the people around you do. Lots of hugs❤❤❤

[Sglasgow]

I did forget to mention i also struggle with body image issues brought on by overeating and depression, i hate what i see and try not to look or let husband look. It's humiliating. I stopped hanging out with the last friend i had for those reasons of self esteem, she is successful and beautiful and everything i am not. My issue is that i feel ashamed.