Self-acceptance

Hi, I would like to ask how do you finally accept yourself?
I've been through a professional failure and I feel like a failure.
I have studied the arts and photography and never were able to make a sustained living out of it. I have another profession- legal assistant. So when things got bad in arts, I went back to being a legal assistant. Rationally, I tell myself that it is a not so bad situation. I am paid well enough. It is not a whole lot of responsibility. It can be stressful at times because of boss' expectations, but I learned to manage it. If I put enough intellectual effort in my job, I am given the chance to do some more interesting work that the boss is willing to delegate.
But emotionally, inside myself I feel like a failure... because I have no esteem for this profession. I find it like being a servant and a loser. I feel like I have no profession. I feel like I am nothing.
I tell myself that I replace my failed professional life with a happy personal life, but I have problems with my boyfriend and we have a quite detached relationship. I have no kids through I am 33 years old. And I don't think I will have a kid any time soon, if I decide finally to have one (because of the relationship I have with my bf). I will probably get to the point where I will be emotionally ready to have a kid, but that will be in a few years from now (at least 3 years). So basically, I have nothing to replace my failed professional life with. And now I came to realize.. that maybe it's time for me to talk about it. Maybe it's time for me to find a way to be happy with my job.. to find a way to find a value to this job (apart from making money for my boss so that he cam buy himself a nice car). What value are we supposed to get from a job? How do you find value in a job? I don't know.. I am trapped in my own perceptions. Maybe they are wrong...

Hi Emma
Those are very good questions and ones that I’m sure many of us don’t have figured out yet. For myself, it’s been a process. Trying to make the best out of the life I have been given. Not comparing myself to others is helpful. Finding something to enjoy and spending time doing that. Thinking that what you’re doing in your job is helpful to others, not just your boss, but the people in the lawsuits and your co workers, who are part of your team.
Realizing that even though your art and photography may not be your career at this time, there’s always a possibility of you finding a career using these talents.
Keep your options open, and take a look at all you’ve accomplished. And all that you can accomplish ahead.
My daughter likes to make lists of her goals and achievements. It helps her to feel successful and keeps things in check.
Things have a way of falling into place sometimes.
Wish you the best!
Sans

thank you Sans, yes comparing to others is no good. I guess I will just have to do art on the side. thanks for your response!

Hey Emma, I can relate to feeling stuck and unhappy in your career and in life. That's not my situation now, but I remember it and it is an unpleasant memory. I think that...just because one accepts themselves, doesn't mean they can't make changes in their life either. I'm still getting the hang of self acceptance, myself. But from what I've learned about acceptance in general, accepting your situation does not mean you have to like it. I have also heard that acceptance helps make it easier to change if you want to. Anyway, I'm sorry that you are struggling with your self esteem and I hope that you can find a way to feel better, even if just small ways. There are a lot of ways to feel better, from self care to facing your fears and making bigger changes.

yes I do have fears and I still have to face them. I cannot change my career.. this is my career and it's been years I have been building my resume in this field (I've done a lot of effort btw). But for example, I know I could do an effort to look better (lose weight a bit and look better).. I guess that will punch up my self-esteem a bit. But I am lazy and not motivated. I am waiting my life to fall into place before I am motivated... but I guess I will have to face this and start doing something about it (I already got my subscription to the gym! so... it's just up to me
but I found a way to accept my career.. I guess I am still useful to the lawyer I work with and to the people in the lawsuits. this job has still to be done by someone... so I guess it's ok.
Thank you for you kind words it helps.. and I will do my best

I think doing what you love as a sideline job or hobby is the way to go. I work to pay for my hobby and other things really. But honestly working is not my be all end all. It never has been, which is why I don't feel like it's a means to an end persay. I just feel like it's a stepping stone to the next opportunity. My hobby is songwriting, I'm a singer/songwriter but really a singer/lyricist. I would love to become one professionally than I could live a better life. But I find enjoyment in the life I'm living, and truly believe one day I will make big money in songwriting. Just haven't quite made it yet. But I am also working to hone my skills. Something you could do with photography. Get a better camera, build up some clients, use your job to pay for your hobby that you work to make into a career.