[lashaine]

Fixing myself up and going out and having fun, I sit and think is it worth it? It ends and I feel like I always feel except worse. Sometimes I get so disgusted in myself that I don't even look in the mirror for days. What can i do? My sister hates me because I look like she wants to look. So I just don't care. i just want to die!

[JC_0417]

My ex girlfriend has this problem... and all i can say is what i tell her... you should feel good about your self... and think of it like this... she wants to be like YOU... and shes jelous of you... That in its self is something you should be very happy about... now about her hating you... you whould tell her that you should put everything to the side and say we are still sisters and that you love her

[Junerain]

I can't help but wonder why so many posts in the self esteem forum are about outer appearances when true self esteem is based on one's personality.........what inner traits, do you have?

[Fuzzybear]

[Lenny]

I still remember crisply the most beautifull woman I have ever seen.

We were dating and I stayed the night..we had been seeing each other for a year or so and still were in the deep magic of lust...you know that rolling butterfly belly syndrom....

We did what we could to be attractive for each other...

She had just gotten out of the shower and was wearing this old tatered but loved robe...her hair was wet and shinny and hung close to her face..robe, water, hair and skin...nothing else for this kitchen runway...

I was making coffee in the kitchen and she entered from the hall...I turned and was captured in this moment...

The sun was low and streaming into the kitchen from the east,,that morning sun..fresh, clean and dusted softly with mist...

It hit her face and those little drops of water still not lost in the towel..sprinkled her cheeks and lips and made the light somehow brighter...her eyes were caught by the sun and glowed gold...and she smiled that smile of peace with herself and the moment she was in....a smile that hid nothing...for there was nothing to hide...

It was a moment I will never forget...such a rare moment for each of us..one that will never be lost to me and I pray with all my strength that she has not lost it..she was simply unadorned natural beauty....no fear marked her face...

She suffers with BPD and moments like those could be counted upon just one of her hands...I saw the real person in those moments,,,the person without the fear or the clouds of past horrors that so etched her life...

I cry at how temporal it was,,so fleeting...so priceless..

If I had any power,,it would be to give all who suffer that dreaded disorder...a lifetime of such moments..

Beauty in all forms is born from the absence of fear....

Love,

Lenny