[Anthony23]

I scored a 100 on the Sanity Test's Self-Esteem section. I keep thinking that If I persistently thought about it hard enough, wish for it long enough, that I would get a new person as myself. I'm not talking here about changing or improving who I am. I keep imagining and fantazising that I am someone else... someone I made-up inside my head, that of a fictional man's entire world as my own. I've built, augmented, polished his personal qualities (personality, character, virtues, temperament, dispostion, etc.), life-situations, environmental-setting bit by bit, over the years, that presently, I have sort of a running personally-tailored, self-gratifying movie in my head.

My mind flips on the switch of the mental projector against the inner wall of my head, and I see and feel how immensely happy I could be if that was indeed my reality.

For numerous personal reasons, I feel that I don't deserve to be confident or self-secure.

Am I being dellusional here in my habitual fantazising? Is this Psychosis? Escapism? Or am I just a hopeless, hapless daydreamer?

[Safron]

Anthony23,

Who would you like to be and what is stopping you from emulating that person? Act as if. Act as if you are the kind of person you want to be until you are. There is nothing wrong with daydreaming and fantasising, and if it comes down to your mental and physical health, I say Be it! You are the writer and the producer of your own life.

[Hunny]

Do you have concerns, Anthony, about actually acting out this dream? A grain of salt as you go toward the dream: go one step at a time.

I think for DID people this type of advice may be sage because of the tendancy to create alters. You probably are not DID so, no problem.

Sometimes people tell DID people to help themselves to re-invent themself. While this may be good for some, for DIDers this is just more of what they already do. Just something to consider for the DID readers of this thread.

For years, in employment searches, I was told I am a 'renaissance woman' as a positive. Well, that's nice if you really are, but me, I just dissociated and even split in order to cope.

Well, something to consider, as I mentioned. All the best as you explore your wonder future!

Ice

PS If this is not for you, please just disregard.

[Anthony23]

I'm sorry to say that I think I failed to articulate precisely what I mean.

I'm saying I want to be 'Person X' (a completely fictional person), not BE LIKE 'Person X'. And that is utterly unattainable because I can't chose when I was born, where I was placed, and who my family members are going to be.

I know it's a useless, pointless, fruitless practice. But I am fixated in that world, even if it's unrealistic.

So, again, what is that? More input, please.

Thanks.

Oh, and what is 'DID'?

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by Anthony23

I keep thinking that If I persistently thought about it hard enough, wish for it long enough, that I would get a new person as myself. I'm not talking here about changing or improving who I am. I keep imagining and fantazising that I am someone else... someone I made-up inside my head, that of a fictional man's entire world as my own. I've built, augmented, polished his personal qualities (personality, character, virtues, temperament, dispostion, etc.), life-situations, environmental-setting bit by bit, over the years, that presently, I have sort of a running personally-tailored, self-gratifying movie in my head.

Wow. I've never talked about this before (at least, I don't think I have), but I did a similar sort of thing in high school - I didn't really have any friends and spent a lot of time by myself. I liked to think of it as what a "next life" could be like, to make up for my not enjoying this one. (I know that sounds a bit childish, but never mind...) It was quite detailed, down to the names and personalities of the group of friends I'd have and the place I'd live, what I'd do at university, etc...I never mentioned it to my therapist when I was in therapy, because I was pretty sure it was just daydreaming to distract me from feeling lonely. The only times it possibly caused problems was if I was thinking about it when I should have actually been paying attention to something...luckily that didn't happen too often!

I'm not sure if I can give any advice on how to stop if it's bothering you - I kind of just grew out of it to an extent after I started university and found friends. I still catch myself thinking about it sometimes, but hardly ever any more.

Sorry I can't be more help, but good luck!

(By the way, DID is Dissociative Identity Disorder - there are various articles about it on this site, as well as a forum nearer the top of the list. )