THE important link

This is the link that Doc John gave us to get started. I want to strongly encourage you to read it all. Some of us have already recognized ourselves in the three examples. So what are we going to do about it, eh?

What Is Self-Esteem

They say self esteem is mainly developed in childhood.

That means I should have high self esteem.

I had the happiest childhood and was known as a smiling little kid. My family loved and supported me and I had many friends.

I'm still trying to figure out why it suddenly changed.

I see one of the suggestions stated is to "ask for a hug". I agree.

What if you have no one to hug or even worse, people who are there but don't want to?

Hug yourself, Iggy. I do. Or wrap yourself snuggly in your favorite blanket for a few minutes. Somehow that works for me, too.

There's no substitute for a real hug.

Granted, but when you can't get a real one a good similation is better than nothing. Besides, you'll be nurturing YOURSELF! That's better than ANYTHING!

Sheeeesh! Did I forget how to spell or what?? "simulation"!!

GGGRRRRRRRR I hate it when I do that! I'll be more careful next time. Honest.

teddy bears are good. especially when i miss my sweetie. i just think that my lil stuffed sheep is him and squeeze it tight..

blankies are nice, esp. when it's cold. makes you feel like you're being babied by your mother when you were a kid.. for me at least

bump

Taken from THE important link:

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Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can have devastating consequences. It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased likelihood for depression. It can cause problems with friendships and relationships. It can seriously impair academic and job performance. It can lead to underachievement and increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse. Worst of all, these negative consequences themselves reinforce the negative self-image and can take a person into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem and increasingly non-productive or even actively self-destructive behavior.

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One thing to do:

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GET HELP FROM OTHERS

Getting help from others is often the most important step a person can take to improve his or her self-esteem, but it can also be the most difficult. People with low self-esteem often don't ask for help because they feel they don't deserve it. But since low self-esteem is often caused by how other people treated you in the past, you may need the help of other people in the present to challenge the critical messages that come from negative past experiences. Here are some ways to get help from others:

Ask for Support from Friends

Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or think you do well.
Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things.
Ask for a hug.
Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do.

Talk to a Therapist or Counselor

Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the professional help of a therapist or counselor is needed.

Talking to a counselor is a good way to learn more about your self-esteem issues and begin to improve your self-esteem.

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I taught this article to my girls at work. We had a good discussion, and they said that they appreciated it, and I came away from it understanding it much better also. I'm definitely "the loser" most of the time. And I need to improve my self-esteem, but I'm stuck. Although I know I need to, I can't convince myself or the people who really know me that I want to change or will really try. I don't feel like I deserve it.

bears are good!

You DO deserve it.... we all do.

the Bear has spoken.

{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}

Wendy, as well loved and respected on the board, what can we do to convince you that you ARE worth it and that you DO deserve it?

Have you ever thought of sorting out the areas in which your self-esteem is low and maybe taking some baby steps to improve one of them; maybe one that really bothers you or maybe an easy one. Just a thought.

I've been known to create a bear or two...

Don't ask me what that means. LOL

Tomi,

Thanks for all that you are doing with this forum - the information and links and encouragement. You are just doing so much here to teach us and help us learn about self-esteem.

I read even the material here and find some way to use it against myself. It's all my own doing, no way around it. I keep listing out my faults and defects and shortcomings (just in my head - it never stops), and I discount anything that might be positive. There's always some reason why it's not good enough, or it's not the real me - just the false front that I have to project in order to be of some use to other people. I have to do that at work too. I have to be somebody functional at work. I can't be me. A few years ago when I was in vocational rehabilitation, they tried to help me set up a business at home with my animals and fiber arts and stuff, because, they said, I wasn't able to deal with people, so I needed to work by myself. So I guess it must not be me now who's working with people. That's not something I can do, so it must be someone else. Yeah, and I know you're just going to say that it is me. I've argued that side of it with others in the past, haven't I? It doesn't add up. Cognitive distortion, huh? Well, I never told anybody that I was sane, did I?

Thanks for your reply. It is making a difference, even if it's hard for me to admit to things like having any value or being loved or respected. You still nudged me a little bit in the right direction.

((((love and hugs))))

I'd say I probably fluctuate between the Rebel face and the Loser face. Depends on a bunch of random factors. I have no self-esteem whatsoever.

Since most of our lack of self-esteem comes from the experiences, or lack thereof, from our childhood, here are some things you can do to "fill in the blanks." In other words, experience those things that a child would experience to get his/her needs met. You'll be surprised.

Getting your Toddler Needs Met
[*]Go to a flea market or a large department store. Go from item to item looking, touching and examining whatever strikes your fancy.
[*]Go to a cafeteria or restaurant that has a buffet. Choose lots of different foods. Try out foods you've never tasted before.
[*]Go to the grocery store and buy foods that you wouldn't normally eat with your hands. Take them home and eat with your hands. Be as messy as you want.
[*]Spend some time chewing or gnawing on something that is crunchy.
[*]Spend time in the produce section of your grocery store, smelling the different fruits and vegetables.
[*]Go somewhere you've never been before. Pay attention to as many details of the new e nvironment as you can.
[*]Go to a playground and just hang out with the kids. Swing on the swings; go down the lside; climb on the jungle gym.
[*]Get some clay and play with it. Experiment with shapes and forms.
[*]Get some finger paints and spend an afternoon finger painting. Use as many colors as you possible can.

This is only a partial list. More tomorrow.

Septembermorn, the little ones would love the last three the most
Angie

{{{{{{{{{{{{Little Ones}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Angie, give them what they need, Sweety. No shame, no fear!