loss of innocence--how to get it back

When i met my abuser i was just a kid at heart (i was in my 30s). But i was very immature, mentally ill, innocent and naive. During the relationship with my abuser, i know i was in my 30s, but the sex was 'dirty' and not mutual and without consent and it was required or there would be severe consequences; just like i would imagine molestation between an adult and a child.

Maybe i am out of line comparing my situation to molestation. i apologized if i am being offensive.

It's just that that is how it felt and it felt like something, like my innocence was taken from me.

i feel so dirty now and there is no way i could be intimate with someone now. Even though it's been over 3 1/2 years. i can't even shake hands with people or hug my family.

How does one get that back? That innocence. Is it possible?
Do i even have the right to feel this way? i was an adult.

i think it's important to realize that while you may feel as though you've lost your innocence, you haven't really- he did. you didn't do anything wrong and someone else's actions don't dirty you, they dirty the perpetrator.

that being said, i know how you feel, and there's no easy answer. i feel like i lost any 'innocence' i ever had a long time ago at the hands of sick people. i still wear gloves all the time because i feel as though my hands are dirty and can't bear the thought of having to touch a stranger's hands.

i'm lucky that my fiancée was so patient with me when we started dating. it took a while for me to open up and be okay with even things like hugging. it's important to go at your own pace. never rush stuff.

talking to a therapist would probably help, i'm sure someone here will be able to provide you with some better advice. take care.

by realizing that it is not you who is dirty
you are still the person u want to be..
what u want to do in life whether it is shake hands or something more intimate its not a dirty act if its what u want and its for the right reasons.
protect urself always and continue to let urself know ur special, not to blame and worth everything!

You are not dirty in your soul or your body; its just that you were injured and taken advantage of.

To heal that injury, first, think about how that past abuse (and it is in the past, not happening now) influences how you choose to live your life now. How would you rather live your life?

A good therapist can help you deal with your feelings and beliefs about what happened. You are not alone, many people who have been abused and gone to therapy to figure it out. It is possible to have a good life after abuse.

Believe in yourself, believe you want to be a good person and live a good life, and believe that you can build a happier and more satisfying life.