[googley]

I wasn't sure if I should put this thread here or in the relationship forum. This may be a little long.

Background: I moved away from home as quickly as possible by moving to the other side of the country for college and stayed there. My parents were emotionally and verbally abusive when I was growing up. When I was in college after going home for winter break I would go into a deep depression. I still have a lot of trouble talking to them on the phone.

Now: Part One: My dad (who was more neglectful and just did not stop my mom being abusive) wants to travel with me when I am go to college (a couple day drive) I am not sure that I want to spend that amount of time with him in an enclosed space. It is very hard to deal with him as he always thinks he is right, even on topics he knows nothing about. I don't know if I can deal with him by myself for that amount of time and may need the space in my car to hold my belongings. However, I don't know if I want to do that much traveling by myself.

Part two: I just got an email from my dad with plans for my parents to come visit for five days (a month before I move). I spent twenty four hours at home when I went on a ski trip with my brother and father. That was very hard. I find it extremely stressful to be around my parents. I don't know that I want to see them. I feel like they return to treating me like a child. When they visited last time I told my dad that for once in his life he needed to keep my mother and her mouth under control or I would leave them wherever they were in the city and that would be the end of their visit with me. He said (as usual) that he was not going to do anything to keep her from being abusive towards me even though they are the ones who want to visit. I would be fine with us only talking on the phone.

I just don't know if I can deal with them visiting again. I moved across the country so that I wouldn't have to see them all the time, and now this is the second time they want to see me in six months. But I don't know if I can tell them not to come. I feel like we just keep replaying the abusive patters from when I was a kid and I tried to do everything right so I wouldn't get in trouble.

Am I the only one who feels like it is safer to stay away from ones parents but has trouble saying no to them. I feel like I can't get away from them even though I am a continent away from them.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE
YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO ACCEPT ABUSE FROM ANYONE!!!
Especially those who were suppose to make it safe for you!
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You're words "But I don't know if I can tell them not to come. I feel like we just keep replaying the abusive patters from when I was a kid and I tried to do everything right so I wouldn't get in trouble."
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YOU!!! pulled yourself up , moved away, you allow the telephone contact (cuz all you have to do is HANG UP)

Think about the process you've made so far !!!

If even 5 minutes around them triggers, upsets, you.... THEN THAT 5 MINUTES IS TOO MUCH!!!

THEN KEEP THEM AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Am I the only one who feels like it is safer to stay away from ones parents but has trouble saying no to them. I feel like I can't get away from them even though I am a continent away from them."

Please, please forgive me -
But this did trigger me, But for the good.......

GOOGLEY, I am your Friend. Even though on a computer, some where around the world. I AM YOUR FRIEND.

To think that all the work you've been doing, working so so so so hard to get better ...

AND for those abuser....... OH, I AM ANGER WITH THEM

If I did not say anything I wouldn't be able to call myself your FRIEND.

I AM YOUR FRIEND.
SUSAN

[googley]

Thank you Starlite. I didn't mean to trigger you. But must admit that I don't really remember writing that comment. I remember the first part but not the second. .

I have had to work hard at being able to say 'no' to people. While I am better at saying 'no' to other people, I still feel caught up with my parents. Sometimes I feel like I want to totally cut them off, but I don't know that I want to do it for the rest of my life, and I don't want to be someone who doesn't have parents. They are supposed to be there for your special days. But usually they just make it more stressful, but then they don't understand what days are really important and miss those. Ok, now I'm ranting. But sometimes I just have to get out all those feelings.

The trigger was not of you - But what 'so-called' loved ones, one's of blood, one's who are suppose to be...

As I child, I said throughout other threads, I used to pray for friends.

As an Adult I used to say "I want my Mommie" - I didn't have one.
I had one only as I exited the channel.
No father - Until I turned 40 the contact we had he wanted Me to Be His MATE!!!
The step fathers were my abusers all forms.
As well as Judy the 'mom'. She allowed.

I never could understand why I couldn't Please her, though so much I wanted her love.

Even to this day - she continues her way - But I gave her up years ago....
BUT still she triggers me
There are four of we sisters ALL have been abused. All of us she kept alienated from one another growing up in the same house. We were never able to bond.
Abuse was different, our memories are different, - and if she did show any 'type' of caring she would do it for only one, one at a time, if any!

40 years later we have re-united, why because someone ignorant, but a Blessing from God, told her I was dead.
It hit the family telephone line and behold my sisters and I have been brought together -
OH, THAT IS 'NOT' what she EVER EXPECTED ............
Though each of us have our individual childhood issues and are leary of each ofter, because what is safe being brought up by her to be against each other.....

We are now BONDED.... THE BOND SHALL NEVER BREAK.....!

I'm sorry but BLOOD in her cause is thinner than water - she is a lost soul, a demon, a devils pawn, who continues to TRY and stir the pot, create drama.... BUT IT NO LONGER WORKS.
PRAISE THE LORD.

Love to you.... Good Luck with your family - My strength and prayers are with you