Most of you know that I've been keeping my brother (who is 22 or 23? geez i forget). Anyways.... Latley ive been going through a hard time. My brother doesnt have a job. sleeps all day and stays up at night. He trashes the house and refuses to clean up which is his one daily chore. He yells at me allot and I've been to weak emotionally to help him or enforce the rules. I want to send him to visit my parents for a week. The problem? I don't want to hurt his feeling. He has been trying and looking for a job, so i don't want to discourage him. The other drawback is that he may be with my parents during fathers day. I don't want to trigger the past abuse. I feel like im being so selfish by sending him away for a week. I'm so tired and I don't get the sleep i need as sometimes he wakes me up b/c he is awake. Again, emotionally im too weak to set any kind of rules. I HATE THIS. suggestions, encouragement, comments, plz

[CedarS]

Please tell him to go visit your folks. Please, please. (((hugs)))

The best thing to do for him is to take good care of yourself.

Remember your boundaries. -He- is responsible for his feelings and behavior.

Remind yourself that you are strong. You are strong, even amidst pain and trauma. You deserve a home that is a sanctuary, for you.

Be a role model for him by taking good care of yourself. This is a gift to him, whether he accepts this gift is his choice.

Sarah

[MacD]

How about expressing something along the lines of, "You know I want to be a supportive sister to you, but lately, I've found myself needing some alone time to regroup and recharge. Do YOU have any temporary options available that might allow me to have this time I need?"

[CedarS]

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((ev))))))))))))))))))) you've been so giving. now, the giving is becoming a drain. your resources are low and they need built back up. i don't know that you can do that in a week's time, but i think it's mandatory that you try.

gl dear. ps-there's nothing mean about what you've described. my 25 yr old brother came to live with me after his hosp stay due to suicide attempt. he stayed with me three months. at that point, i told him that he needs to get busy at life again, no matter how scary. ( said alot more than that) i was kind and concerned. it's what he needed to get back on track (for a while). he attended the community mental health center and they helped him to find a place, furniture, the works. it was a good thing i did. i didn't expect him to do as well as he did, but like you, i needed a break!

gl hon.

kd

Thank you all for your comments!! They made me feel so much better about doing this. I really appreciate the support.

[tracylee]

What you need to remember is that your brother is an adult and needs to be given the responsibility of being an adult, not easy I know, but he cant live his life through you. I have a similar situation with my second cousin, he is not very good at paying off his bills or keeping himself and his belongings in check. I have tried to talk to him and advise him, but now, I am letting him get the 'blunt end of the stick'.