i hate life..

(((((((Blue))))))))))

I Hate life tooo, however I care Deeply about YOU! ThaCrew

The future, you have to look to the future.

The past is a haunting nightmare, it must laid to rest. You will have a family of your own one day. Kids, a loving companion who will hold your hand and just show you that life is worth living.

The past is nothing but pain, the future is nothing but gain. Its the perspective you carry when you go through pain that shapes your mentality for AFTER the pain is gone.

Think of the wonderful future you can have. Right now, it seems the future will be like the past, but now - YOU ARE IN CONTROL! You have to power to shape and mold your own life. Take the lessons of the past and learn from them. You know life is precious.

Blue you cannot change the past, only the future. The further away you are from what happened the more time you will have to heal from what has happened.

i wish i had the words... to help. if you ever want to talk i'm here.
sending you love, and peace.

I'm sorry you're suffering, Blue. I can't offer advice, but I can offer support, and I can hope and pray peace for you. Safe hugs, if you want them.

(((((((((((((( Blue )))))))))))))))

Blue, you are so young. I know that you've experienced a tremendous amount of pain in your short life, but you have much to look forward to. Idk if you're still in foster care, but when you're out, you don't have to be with your abusers, anymore. You can make your own life now- it will be hard, but you will reap the benefits in the future. You mentioned that you were in therapy for 6 months- that's nothing. It's going to take many years for you to get over this & it's going to be painful. I know that isn't fair, but you owe it to yourself to make the struggle. You say you want to die; you don't want to die & that's why you're reaching out. You can & will get through this. We are here to support you. There are some bad people in this world, but there are a lot of good people who will care about you, too.

You wrote about nightmares- they mean your soul has unfinished business. They will go away in time. Years ago, I had them every night. I'd always dream that I'd open my mouth to scream but I had no voice, or that I'd try to hit someone but couldn't. I'd wake myself by screaming or punching the wall by my bed. The nightmares will go away. Try to direct your energy into doing something that will make you feel like you have some kind of power over yourself. Try art- I can't even draw a straight line, but I've done some pretty powerful collages, & they've really helped me. No one sees them but me. Try going to a recreation center & get your energy out by exercising or punching.
Everyone has a life & a story. How is yours going to turn out?

im not suicidal...
cant say ive never thought about it though
and most nights i still wouldnt mind if i wouldnt wake up the next day or walk under a truck or something..
But i wouldnt actively risk my life or anything...

date of bro's death is coming up soon... difficult times