[nightdream]

Hi,

I talked with someone about abuse relationship, I didn't talked about myself though, it's just, well, I don't know, I couldn't believe what she was saying. Eveything she said fit me like a glove in every way. With every word she said, pictures came to my mind of me and husband. Everything she said was me. Why am I having a hard time accepting this? Why can't I just accept that this man is hurting me so much in so many many ways? I don't love him. I don't want to live with him. I don't want to be part of his life. Why can't I just say it? I am not with him now but he is still around trying to get me back. Still abusing me. Still hurting me. I am scare to tell him. Scare that he will kill himself. I will not be able to forgive myself if he do. If he does this it will affect the children so much. I can't tell him. But then I also see now how much he was abusing me, destroying me, manipulating me. And he will again. I am so confuse.

nightdream

[wi_fighter]

Nightdream, if he's a textbook abuser like it appears that he is, his threats of killing himself if you leave are just another way of manipulating you. They are most likely empty threats. Mine said if I left, his entire life would be meaningless because he gave up all of his dreams because of me, blah blah blah, you know the drill, right? Well, since our divorce four years ago, he's on his second "serious" relationship and on the surface would appear to be doing wonderfully, so don't go letting him guilt trip you into staying if you know that for your own well being you need to leave.

Come in here and vent all you need to. You're perfectly safe with us. (((((((((((((nightdream))))))))))))

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((( nightdream )))))))))))))))))

Abusers often use the threat of suicide as a way of gaining more leverage over the abused person. Please just try to see it as a further form of abuse, and try to ignore it. You can't prevent him from killing himself. He's a grown man and there is a lot of help out there for him if he is truly suicidal. However I don't think he is suicidal and I think that he is just using it to manipulate you into going back to him. I'm glad you recognise it as an abusive relationship. You are the one with the power now. You've moved out and got away from him. Don't give him the power back by listening too hard to him.

[nightdream]

Thank you very much for replying. I really do appreciate it!

I am still struggling with the should I believe him or not? Maybe it is a kind of abuse that he is playing with me but can I take this risk? I don't know what to do. I wish he would simply go away.

I'm sorry
nightdream

[silver_queen]

Maybe you could give him contact addresses and phone numbers that will help him if he suicidal. That way you've done your bit and helped him, and it's his responsibilty to ring the numbers etc if needed.

[nightdream]

Thank you (((((((((SilverSweety)))))))))))

I will manage. I'm just stupid. It's just me.

Again thank you so very much! You are so kind!

love you
nightdream

[wi_fighter]

Nightdream, you are NOT stupid and it's not just you.

Sorry, I'm not trying to yell at you, just emphasizing a point. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) You're going through what every other abuse victim has gone through before you, dealing with mixed emotions. It's natural. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

[silver_queen]

I agree with shirley, nightdream - you are NOT stupid and it isn't just you.

((((((((((((( nightdream ))))))))))))))

[nightdream]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me when you are yourself struggling very badly. You have a very caring heart!

Maybe one day I will not be so mixed up or confuse.

(((((((((((((((((wi_fighter))))))))))))))))))

Much love,
nightdream

[wi_fighter]

Nightdream, if I only replied when I wasn't struggling, I wouldn't be posting very often.

We're all in different stages of healing, and today I just so happen to be in a place where I can help someone who's just now realizing things aren't right.

[Mahali]

((((((( Nightdream ))))))

Your husband is a grown man. He is responsible for his own actions.

He is hurting you and that is wrong. You deserve to be treated kindly and to be safe.

Please take care of our friend.

[nightdream]

Sometime and even often I do no think straight. I know I'm very tired. I don't sleep well and I don't eat well. I think too much. I blame myself a lot and I feel guilty a lot. Mind racing all the time.

But you are all right. He is a grown man.

If only I could get this guiltiness out of me. But it was install in me I guess since I was born. A gift for coming into this world. A world that didn't wanted me in it.

Thank you to all of you! I will keep on reading your replies to me. Maybe it will sink in.

Much love dear friends!
nightdream

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NightDream}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Seems we're all telling you the same thing, Sweetheart.

He'll find someone else to manipulate and abuse when you make it clear you're not taking it anymore.

Love you!

We'll keep it up until it does sink in sweetie.

I hope you continue to keep yourself as safe as is possible.

Sending healing safe warm healthy thoughts your way. Oh and a bundle of rest too!

[wisewoman]

Nightdream, I hope you can find the reserves inside to just pull in and protect yourself and say you are not going to let people hurt you anymore. It is not you, it is not your problem. He has problems, you are learning to care for yourself.