Physically tortured, sexually abused many times and more

Hey ya Bunny...I did try ...well I had a diary where I coded it all but nah nothing helps when it comes to this but thank you,..Hugs

We need to find a way for you to get this out, Sleeps. It's like your wound is infected and unless you let it drain, it won't heal.

Maybe write it like it happened to someone else.

BUT-- just coming here and admitting that something happened that is impossible to deal with is a start.

It's the first baby step.

Oh darn Sleeps, I was hopin' I had it all figured out.......
)))))))Sleeps((((((( just phooey on "it" whatever it was.........
Phoooey Phoooey Phooey I wish for you "it" never happened.
But, since it did, I forgive you again and again and again..... as many times as you need. You are a wonderful person, I get such a kick outa ya, I'm so sorry you've been carrying this thorn in your heart for so long........ I wish we could help you remove it, boy wouldn't that be something ! ? ! ? !

HillBunny I miss you I never see you around.I am so sorry I missed this.....sometimes I find this area of my life...unbearable and just wanna cry on someone shoulder

I have two shoulders and I am not currantly using any of them.

Thank you Brian I may just use one semi soon....I hope you know the street goes both ways

Hugs

((((((((((sleeps))))))))))
Sleeps, while I cannot relate to the sexual abuse or torture that you have suffered, I can relate to the attitude of others who meet you and can't figure out why you need the help you do when you are 'such a strong and together person'. I even have my best freind fooled at the mo (of course, the fact that she is on the other side of the world for a while helps with the mask). If we were to break down in a heap (as I have done regularly in the past few weeks alone) in front of all the ppl involved in our lives and showed them just how much the 'stuff' in our lives has affected us, and this is only a small show of it, they proberbly would never have believed it without seeing it. But I'm going to have to cut this short. My sleeping tabs are finally catching up with me in a great hurry and my head is spinning! I just wish you all the best, and my thoughts are with you

i'm confused- according to the list of forums, i posted this today, but as you can see i did it on the 15th... (sorry, off topic a bit...)

(((IRISHSJ))) Thank you...the date gig I think is NZ time to USA time? youre like almost a day away from us.....like today was Monday ..now tuesday cause its 1 pm for me but to you its ...wed I think....maybe thats it?

more in a minute lol

I agree with you and yes some may not belive and then others would look at me/us with big frog eyes ...and how long can one walk around crying and dwelling ,..I would never get anything done if I just felt what all was ...has gone on..

(((SLEEPS)))

Everything with time..be gentle with yourself..I dont think one ever completely stops mourning or grieving what was lost due to sexual childhood abuse/torture, I think the wells of heaven overflow with that issue..you are in our thoughts and prayers as you continue your journey to healing..gentle hugs..

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Petunia said:
We need to find a way for you to get this out, Sleeps. It's like your wound is infected and unless you let it drain, it won't heal.

Maybe write it like it happened to someone else.

BUT-- just coming here and admitting that something happened that is impossible to deal with is a start.

It's the first baby step.

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From the courage to heal book:
(note that ive removed some particulary triggering passages for safety of reading)

One hundred and fifty seven ways to tell my story
by emily levy

Tell it in spanish.
In sign language.
Tell it as a poem.
As a play.
As a letter to President Reagan.
Tell it as if your life depended on it.

I was not molested as a child.

I feared, when I was three years old, that a man would come into my room in the middle of the night and Get me. Where did that idea come from?

I wonder why I hate my father so much. The explanations Ive developed dont add up to the amount of anger and hatred I feel.

There is a vaugue possibility that i was molested as a child.

Tell it as a court case.
As a congressional debate.
As if the power of children were respected.
Tell it as domestic terrorist.
As a national Sport.
Tell it as a jump rope game:

A my name is annie
he stuck it up my %#@&#!
Now I am angry
And I want Action.

B my name is Betty
The penis was my brothers
I wrote a book
Cause I want to get him back

C my name is Carla
He said hed give me Candy
I told my cousin
And her dad got caught.

D my name is Doris
I was still in diapers

Tell it as graffiti
As a religeous service.
Tell it as a classified ad.

Why is it that when I see dad i make sure to wear a long scarf that covers my chest?

There is no way he could have molested me.
Id remember it. I have a great memory.

Everybody in my family says so.
Why did I suddenly start hating him when I was eleven years old?

I think my father might have molested me as a child

Tell it as a Tv commercial
as a science experiment
as a country western song
tell it as ancient history
as science fiction
tell it in your sleep
Tell it as a bedtime story
As a bumper sticker
tell it as if we liked it

When I was young, I used to say "dont touch me, im alive!" Why did I make up that expression?

Tell it as justification for nuclear war
As justification for never having another war
tell it as a greeting card.

Tell it as a gossip column
as a last will and testament
as an exhibit at ripleys beleive it or not!
Tell it as a soap opera
As a telephone answering machine message
Tell it as a board game

Tell it as a how to book
as a newscast
as instructions on the box it came in

Tell it as a fairy tale
as a magic trick
tell it as of this moment.
tell it as a healing ritual
as an epitaph
as discovered and interpreted seven generations from now

Tell it as a map of the world
as if I were still forbidden to speak the words
tell it so it will never happen again.

((Evangelista ))
Thank you and yes you are correct time...much time is needed..I have pretty well pushed it all way WAY far back but then I get slammed for being too together and then it gets very frustrating...BUT I dont know if I can ever say the one thing to anyone and I know thats growth stunt but I cant.....yet and maybe ? never
safe hugs

((( Rainbowzz))) awesome material...ya know..I do have that book I havent looked at it in years..I guess now I need to cause I dont remember that at all and its very good

HUGS AND THANK YOU

no worries, I wasnt sure if it would be too triggering for you but I KNOW that this has helped me speak.

Especially if yu are doing it in a way that doesnt SEEM directly like telling
like making a skipping ryme out of it or something.

((RAINBOWZZ)) Oddly i do not trigger much or for a long time ...I trigger in odd ways and not ever on a board...I have in my T's office...kind of left the room but it was more on what I said not him and somehow bang I was not in the room....it was odd.....I will have to dig that book out next week..I will say last time I was triggered it was at the show the movie THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT I dont remember much of it....I lost it and got like a caged animal HUGS AND THANKS I am having slow site issues

me as well, happens every night for some reason.

WoW, I hear so often how we survivors try to be better or the best. I was self destructive for many years. Even when I just trying to be the very best at my job, which was my life, my passion. I have been able to talk about my abuse from appearing distant and being so present that I would feel triggered while I spoke. I always feel bad or worse when one's abuse was so much more excessive than mine. Like there is a reasonable amount of abuse. I try to deal with how my history is impeding me from being present in my life right now to minimize the self sabotaging which tends to show up when I don't feel deserving, mostly, I think. Or so it feels anyway. I want to say something to you directly but it feels trite and might be more about me than u so I will end.

I used to not talk about what happened to me. I do with my T's and it has helped. It kinda calms dowm the storm. I use to feel so alone. I feel better now.