Uuuuuuuuuuuuu g!!!!

Last night had another flashback that I did not know about - my dad saying "I gave you like and I can take it from you" while choaking me !!! OMG!! I have sent T 10 emails since then. I finally said "I NEED TO KNOW YOU ARE THERE!" and he wrote back and said he was there. That was comfort.

I have realized so much from my past that I did not know -- how is it that this one little thing has me so mad when he did so much to me? It doesn't make sense!

I just dont get it. How does another human do that to someone else??? HOW is it that people can be so cruel !!!! I don't get it !!!!

WePow

I don't think it's "one little thing", dear one.
That is a big thing. (IMO)

Seems your dad had some issues with "power trips". doing things to others made him feel powerful-- guess he didn't feel that way on his own. It was cruel and I don't understand either how some can be that way..... lack of empathy mixed with extremely low self-esteem, maybe

You are a treasure, I hope you realize that.
(and you don't mind me sayin so)

fins

Oh I forgot to say--
I'm also real glad for you that your T. gave you comfort, that's
very nice.

fins

(((((( fins !! Thanks so much! )))))

My friend here at work just helped me see into this whole thing and I wanted to share incase it could help anyone else...

1) I was shocked as an adult and did not understand why it shocked me. Realized that the Silent One child part of me felt that the guilt over the sex abuse was the worst part of the event. She was "mentioning" the physical threat from my dad as a "side item" to her point of view. As an adult, I reacted the same way any parent would if someone threatened their child - ANGRY AS HELL !! And rightfully so!

The analogy is the same as a child who wrecks a bike. They tell the parent about the bike being smashed and the parent deals with that part. A day later the kid complains of a headache and the parent only at that time finds out the kid hit his head. To the kid, that was not the big issue but to the parent they don't understand why the kid didn't tell them about hitting their head when they told about the bike.

2) My friend said kids think that way - they do not realize the impact of death and so for me at that age - it would have been a side item rather than the main item. But as an adult who knows that my father is/was capable of murder, I indeed do see and feel the severity of that threat.

Possible explanation - People who grow up to be perpetrators think that you are either a perpetrator or a victim. It doesn't occur to them that there are other paradigms. Your dad most likely was abused but instead of healing or doing what most victims do (never harming anyone like they were harmed), he chose to be a perpetrator so that he wouldn't have to feel like a victim anymore.

(((((((WePow)))))

I'm glad you were able to hear back from your T and connect to him. I'm also glad that you were able to get support from your friends at work.

That experience sounds really scary. I'm sorry that you were caught off guard by it because of the difference in how events are viewed.

Stay safe.

wepow i remember my mom choking me a lot .i dont have any answers to why people are who they are and what they do but im so sorry for this memory you have it must be painfull.a question i have is why when asked what happened did no one do anything

(((((((WePow)))))))