[granite1]

i cant pretend it isnt going to happen.i am leaving tomorrow morning at 6 am to get on a plaine and go and care for this horrid person who calls horself my mother.she will never be any kind of mother to me and someday i hope i will come to that realization in my heart and let go of that wish.so i wake up thismorning with the usural freight train full of angry thoughts about it and i still need to get up and pack.i havnt done this yet do to the fact that i really dont want to go.i wont go into the details of the **** this woman is going to try to pull on me but im sure that im going to be sickened by it.in all my conversations i have had with her after her knee replacement all she has done is complaine and say how she isnt going to do this because it hurts or she isnt going to do that because it is going to hurt.so help he god if she pulls this **** on me when i am there ill go off on her and that is one of my biggest fears.im not there to be her best buddy or whipping post i want to help her be able to walk and to get out of thare.if she starts to pull this im not doing this **** i hope i am able to say to her then i dont need to be here and pack up all my stuff and come home to my safe life

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

she will never be any kind of mother to me and someday i hope i will come to that realization in my heart and let go of that wish.

angry thoughts about it

so help he god if she pulls this **** on me when i am there ill go off on her

and that is one of my biggest fears.

if she starts to pull this im not doing this **** i hope i am able to say to her then i dont need to be here and pack up all my stuff and come home to my safe life

So you are afraid to go off on her?

[SUNNY2009]

This is a familiar feeling Granite1 .... I am sorry to hear that you are the one going to her rescue....I wish you all the strength you may need to get through the visit ... remember ... maybe you dont have to be there (like you said) ...Is there anyone else that could help her? sparing you from the turmoil you will feel inside?? While Im sure this option may have been explored, isnt there a friend who could help her? I only ask because I have been there sooo many times myself (40 yrs old) and up until the past year I would put myself through such Hell going to my own mothers home to help her....always putting my own self worth and love and needs on the back burner.... it is as painful an experience as any ... having to listen to someones angry insensitvie words and hurtful abusive ways .... You have got to get away from it..... for your own health for your own sake ....
I hope this doesnt sound pushy I just know how it feels and can relate.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best and I wish you the inner strength you need to make it through. Remember to love yourself

[granite1]

Originally Posted by SUNNY2009

This is a familiar feeling Granite1 .... I am sorry to hear that you are the one going to her rescue....I wish you all the strength you may need to get through the visit ... remember ... maybe you dont have to be there (like you said) ...Is there anyone else that could help her? sparing you from the turmoil you will feel inside?? While Im sure this option may have been explored, isnt there a friend who could help her? I only ask because I have been there sooo many times myself (40 yrs old) and up until the past year I would put myself through such Hell going to my own mothers home to help her....always putting my own self worth and love and needs on the back burner.... it is as painful an experience as any ... having to listen to someones angry insensitvie words and hurtful abusive ways .... You have got to get away from it..... for your own health for your own sake ....
I hope this doesnt sound pushy I just know how it feels and can relate.
Whatever you decide to do I wish you the best and I wish you the inner strength you need to make it through. Remember to love yourself

when my mother asked me to come and take care of her it was just a knee jerk reaction and i automatically said yes.not thinking but that has been what i always did.but never for this long the longest i have ever been alone with her sence i was 14 was 8 days.and it was hell.now it is for three weeks.but i do have to say my eyes are so more open to all this then they ever have been thanks to my T.boy she sa this dynamic a mile away but her answer to it was just please dont go it isnt good for you etc .but next time she asks im going to step back before i say anything and talk to people who are awayfrom the situation first .unfortunately it is a bit late for this time.as far as dealing with the mother is concerned.yes i can always get a flight home if i get to upset and i know that is an option.strange as it is i had to be told that .and no you arnt being to pushy.i really do need to deal with all of this and being pushey is a way to do it.i can tend to be a bit resistant if you know what i mean.im just thankful i seem to have a lot of people here who care.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

So you are afraid to go off on her?

you know sannah i would probibly be more inclined to go off on myself then her and that is truely what i am affraid of.i have nobody out thare for me but her and she isnt.but no i would never really go off on her.i would never want to become who she is.she will be just fine.but i do harbor a bunch of fanticys of what i would love to do to her

[granite1]

im going now i will miss ya all ans stay safe

[Sannah]

Good bye Granite. Good luck and take good care of yourself! Can't wait to hear how you are doing............

[granite1]

hi its me.i found a connection .i so hate it here but im doing ok a lot better then i thought i would and believe me that is a relief.the mother is being herself but i am able to just dissapear into my own world and it is ok untill i do somethting stupid like forget to feed the cats and then she starts slamming things around and all tryiing to get my attention and yelling at me to feed the cats because they are driving her crazy.or not getting her breakfast opening the door fast enough.things like that but so far she dont seem to hate me too much and is for the most part tolerant of my spacyness at times.but it is only beenbeen 5 days with her well see if she dont hate me by the end of the week.im so scared she will and then things will get worse.im just trying to be as quiet as i can not say anything and just try to keep on top of everything she wants me to do.i am writing in my journal when i am able to get away for an hour in the early afternoons and that helps but i so miss everyone at home i am real homesick.i just want this all to be over with.thanks for letting me gripe again.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

well see if she dont hate me by the end of the week.im so scared she will and then things will get worse.

im just trying to be as quiet as i can not say anything and just try to keep on top of everything she wants me to do.

[granite1]

thanks sannah Im so stressed out about everything that i am covered in hives.looks real healthy when you are hanging out at the pool.lol.going to the pool is the only place the mother wont go and i found out today that i can use the connection from the office.yay.so i havent dissapeared totally.thank god.exsept for my stress things arnt so bad as long as i keep my mouth shut and we all know im good at that.thanks for the hugs

[Sannah]

I'm so sorry that you are in this position. You are staying for a month? Maybe you can eventually visualize yourself responding in a different manner to your mom in a few days or weeks (as opposed to hiding and doing what you are told)? You can still do what she needs done but from a position of that it is what you need to do to help your mom and not from the position that if you don't do it that she will get mad at you and hate you.

Takes courage to do what you are doing, granite1.

[geez]

Granite I feel bad for you right now. My parents are getting older and I'm dreading the day when health issues come into the picture and they need my help (I know that sounds terrible but that's how I feel). I'm hoping they pass quickly when there time is up. - can't believe i just said that.

I deal with my mom in the very same way. Say very little to prevent any further conflict flare ups (something I have to change - I am very passive when it comes to my parents). My mom gets mouthy after having a drink so it makes going out to dinner real fun!! - NOT!! - I do the dreaded birthday dinner every year and we visit her at her home so she can get some time with her grandsons.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing! (and be sure to spend lots of time at the pool )

[granite1]

so today the evil mother took away the only mee time i enjoyed.i go to the pool every day from 12 to 2 to just get away get on here and so on so i take her to psycal therapy at 730 thismorning and i wasnt able to go in with her so i waited. she came out and announced that she had schedualed her appointments for the rest of my stay here and it is at 1.00pm.i got angry and said so i guess no more pool for me.she got mad at me and threw a little temper tantrum with tears and all saying if you want to go in and change all of them go ahead i just dont care etc... i just said never mind and took her home.i hate her soo much i know she did that on purpose.this is some of the **** she does.i have been going to the pool every day at this time to get some time away so she knew it was my schedual.i hate her

[geez]

Perhaps you can take her up on her offer and change the appts?? Not sure what power you have to be able to do that? Perhaps you can call the PT place and tell them that it would work better transportation wise? What about the pool in the morning? Sending you many hugs Granite.

[Sannah]

Any other time to go to the pool?

[granite1]

morning everyone i am at the pool earlier today im not going to give up my time alone at all.not the best sun but it will do for now.so thismorning the witch mother decided she needed to do laundry at 6:45 thismorning.it makes a huge amount of noisethe machine along with her walker that she needed to slam into the machine a million times as she is doing this.and slamming all kinds of stuff.clearly she wanted me up for god knows what reason.i was so angry with her.she didnt need to be doing laundry at this time she had all day exsept for her PT apt.so i get up but dont say a word to her i just cant .then she starts slamming around more.she even moved the kitchen table across the floormaking a huge racket.i went off at this asking her what was she doing and what was her problem?she stated she was moving the table so she could get bye.i said you have been getting gye it so didnt realize you were having an issue and she said in a hugely snotty tone .IT WAS DIFFICULT!so be it i just dont give a crap.the sound of that god forsaken walker scraping accross the floor is going to haunt my life forever.and her banging it into things.i can see this is her working up to a major tempertantrum or something i see the sighns.all i need to do is keep calm and just come to terms with how much i truely do hate her and that this will be over soon and never again.i am feeling like such a wimp and a child,because if she can do laundry and drag tables around the kitchen and slam stuff around to get my attention clearly i dont need to be here.i hate that i am such a whimp that i wont leave early.i just stay here to be her whiping post.sorry such a long post i really am ok just need to vent

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

i went off at this asking her what was she doing and what was her problem?

Hey, very good!!!! ^ Was it hard to ask her this?

Granite, it seems that your hate for your mother is dripping off of you. I would think that this would cause your mother to react to it and look the same? I don't blame you for being angry with your mother. The things that she did to you when you were a child were very, very bad. The only reason that I am mentioning this I guess is to point out to you that you have power. You have power to affect your mother. What do you think?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hey, very good!!!! ^ Was it hard to ask her this?

Granite, it seems that your hate for your mother is dripping off of you. I would think that this would cause your mother to react to it and look the same? I don't blame you for being angry with your mother. The things that she did to you when you were a child were very, very bad. The only reason that I am mentioning this I guess is to point out to you that you have power. You have power to affect your mother. What do you think?

i guess i do.she has commented that she knows something is bothering me because im not the happy person i usually am.im telling you this time i am differnt i just cant hide my dislike of he at all.i do think she feels that.i dont want her to but i just cant help it i just cant pretend all this is ok.it isnt ok that she has no reguard for my life or what she is asking me to do.that she truely feels i owe this to her.i dont!i havnt been in her care sence i was about 14 or so she has done nothing for me.she may not be physically abusing me at this point in my life because she is unable to.exsept for maby throwing things,but that hasnt happened yet.she parades me around introducing me to everyone as her wonderfull doughter who has come to care for her.at one point my T called me a martyr for doing this as i watch the way this woman acts i wonder who is the real martyr.god its all poor me and see how well im doing.in therapy she is so well doing above and beyond what they ask.home unless she is trying to get my attention by dragging a table accross the room and slamming her walker around she cant even carry a glass to another room.all the time crying about how is she ever going to do thiswhen i go home and all how this time is going bye so fast.and how she is so worried about being ready for me to go home.and she is also begging her doc to fit in this other minor procedure (a biopsy)for before i go home so i will be able to care for her after that and listen to her moan and groan about that.i so wish i could have some sympothy for her i am really trying but it just isnt thare.im sure most of this stuff she is going through and feeling is real but i just cant care.i dont ever want to take care of her again i have no idea how to tell her this.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

im telling you this time i am differnt i just cant hide my dislike of he at all.

And you shouldn't hide your feelings. If she is commenting that she is noticing that something is bothering you why don't you tell her?

i do think she feels that.i dont want her to but i just cant help it i just cant pretend all this is ok.

And you shouldn't pretend that everything is okay.

it isnt ok that she has no reguard for my life or what she is asking me to do.that she truely feels i owe this to her.i dont!i havnt been in her care sence i was about 14 or so she has done nothing for me.

I so understand that! "You didn't take care of me and you want me to take care of you!!!????"

she parades me around introducing me to everyone as her wonderfull doughter who has come to care for her.

Can you explain to me why this bothers you? (I can understand why but I know of a few reasons why and I just want to understand you better).

i so wish i could have some sympothy for her i am really trying but it just isnt thare.

And I so understand why your sympathy would be buried beneath all the crap that she did to you.

[granite1]

hi sannah the mother paraiding me around like she does is a joke i sure dont feel like a wonderfull daughter.I'm not.i dont want to be. and i dont want others to think i want to be thare including the mother.but i just smile at these people and politely say hello.it is so fake all of it.im also real shy and hate talking to people and i feel the mother is forcing me to talk to these people when i dont want to.they are not my friends.
on a better note today i got up and was in a pritty ok mood.i even enjoyed being in florida a little.i was even trying to think of the good things in life.it is really great weather.today im getting to watch the shuttle go off.my mother is making great progress.even if she is complaining about it her PT tells me she is at 95 %mobility and i am able to be here instead of work and get payed vacation,things arnt so bad today so as long as i keep my mouth shut and dont rock the boat i think all will be ok i have only 13 more days untill i come home.that will be so awsome.ill be so happy to see my husband who was annoying me before i left.i love him.i call him every day and he is so patient with my ranting i realize i must be the most luckiest person in the world

Originally Posted by granite1

i cant pretend it isnt going to happen.i am leaving tomorrow morning at 6 am to get on a plaine and go and care for this horrid person who calls horself my mother.she will never be any kind of mother to me and someday i hope i will come to that realization in my heart and let go of that wish.so i wake up thismorning with the usural freight train full of angry thoughts about it and i still need to get up and pack.i havnt done this yet do to the fact that i really dont want to go.i wont go into the details of the **** this woman is going to try to pull on me but im sure that im going to be sickened by it.in all my conversations i have had with her after her knee replacement all she has done is complaine and say how she isnt going to do this because it hurts or she isnt going to do that because it is going to hurt.so help he god if she pulls this **** on me when i am there ill go off on her and that is one of my biggest fears.im not there to be her best buddy or whipping post i want to help her be able to walk and to get out of thare.if she starts to pull this im not doing this **** i hope i am able to say to her then i dont need to be here and pack up all my stuff and come home to my safe life

Just two words says it all : 'the mother'
I call mine FACE.
But, my connections have long been severed.

I commend you for having the strength to do this. What a giant heart you must have. What an wonderful person.

HOLD STRONG TO YOURSELF - I pray & wish Protection All Around - Angels & Fairies to Surround You

Isn't it amazing How it happened that such wonderful people like you and thousands of others on here the Forum -

Are Born out from the one's called "the mother"

YET, WE ARE BORN WITH WARM HEARTS.

[Alexandria04]

Granite, I hope you get through the rest of your trip okay and without any emotional damage. I admire you for doing this, I am worried about my mother coming to visit and it's only for four days. Hang in there.

[Sannah]

Granite, your last post sounded really good. I get the feeling that you are changing inside and this is why your post sounded more hopeful??

[geez]

Originally Posted by granite1

hi sannah the mother paraiding me around like she does is a joke i sure dont feel like a wonderfull daughter.I'm not.i dont want to be. and i dont want others to think i want to be thare including the mother.but i just smile at these people and politely say hello.it is so fake all of it.im also real shy and hate talking to people and i feel the mother is forcing me to talk to these people when i dont want to.they are not my friends.
on a better note today i got up and was in a pritty ok mood.i even enjoyed being in florida a little.i was even trying to think of the good things in life.it is really great weather.today im getting to watch the shuttle go off.my mother is making great progress.even if she is complaining about it her PT tells me she is at 95 %mobility and i am able to be here instead of work and get payed vacation,things arnt so bad today so as long as i keep my mouth shut and dont rock the boat i think all will be ok i have only 13 more days untill i come home.that will be so awsome.ill be so happy to see my husband who was annoying me before i left.i love him.i call him every day and he is so patient with my ranting i realize i must be the most luckiest person in the world

Yay granite1 for looking past this moment and trying to look at the good in this situation. It can be hard to do that sometimes. I find I'm 'paralized' when I'm around my mom but I try to get past it and think forward. Wishing you a speedy visit.