[toniahoward]

My sex life was stolen from me....I have no sex life...What would it have been like without the abuse??? I feel so bad for taking it away from my fiance... We have been together for 7 years and I can count on 2 hands how many times we have had sex....It is sad...Also I now have panic attacks when I have sex... I just want it to go away...I want to be able to like sex and not have to put my fiance in an awkward place...Its not fair to him....I hate being this way...How can someone just take that away from you? What did I do to deserve that???

[avoice]

Hi I know what you mean. Wanted to say something I am a survivor of incest by my father among other relatives. My father is now in prison now. He went there 2 years ago this happen when I was 5 and ended when I was twelve. I'm now 46 yes it took a long time to get him put there. I've been married for 25 years. Yes I do have issues still. I look at it this way. I was never loved as a kid. So I yearn for someone to love me the right way. into my adult hood. He's a very gentle person loves me very much. So I figured I would learn to love him they way he loves me. I had a hard time getting past all the abuse especially when my Father was walking free and was still abusing children. my father only got 6 years he took a plea bargain. He's gets out in 4 years. I'll be waiting to finish him off It will be legal don't worry.

[toniahoward]

well i wish you the best in that. The ones that did that to me are still running around but they have not hurt anyone else so I guess I was just their toy.

[shezbut]

(((toniahoward)))

You have every right to be angry with your abusers. Their impulsive actions have caused you (and your fiance) a lot of pain and torment. Let that anger out! It's great if you can let it out appropriately, rather than holding it inside & re-aiming the anger and blame towards yourself.

I'd greatly recommend working with a professional T, to help you get through this process. It can be very long and drawn out, which can cause internal chaos (especially with important relationships). Working through the pain is a necessity.

Gentle hugs to you!

[Sannah]

You did nothing to deserve that abuse. It happened to you because an abuser had access to you. You can recover. Have you considered therapy?

[toniahoward]

I have considered therapy but right now I can not afford it but will soon I hope...

[goldgirl]

I too suffered incest. I am still a virgin and have no desire for a sexual relastionship right now. One day i will do it. take your time and don't rush it.

[h1e9i6d3i]

I completely understand. I'm in the process of trying to face the fact that I was rapped multiple times at age 13-15. I'm 46 now and repressed it until 2005. Total denial for the past 5 years, therapy, meds., mental hosp., PTSD, anxiety and depression. No sex life either. I have a wonderful husband who was "there" for me, night terrors, isolation, fear, crying, ANGER, all the effects that we all have. I know I'll get beck to a bettter life envetually, now that I'm on the right track, but it's going to take time and patience for both of us. You're not alone. Keep talking and facing your fear. How are you after sex and the anxiety attack. Are you proud that you worked through it or do you stop? I face my fear, cry, cuddle, them when I calm down and feel safe, I able to continue. Sorry for the TMI. I know you understand. It's a day-by-day, baby steps. Be kind and gentle to your self. Your fiance understands and knows that you both will get through this. That's my hope.

Best of luck.

[toniahoward]

I just quit because it scares my fiance and he doesn't want me upset....

[Sannah]

You quit therapy for these reasons? This sounds like you are meeting his needs over your needs?