I wish my father would die!!!!

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be in this forum as I am surely not a 'survivor of abuse', I'm still a victim and will always be one.

I can't be free of this hurt not until my father is dead and buried how I wish he was dead, now understand he is dead to me already but when you are living in the same house as your abuser it's kinda hard to get a release on the pain that has been harbouring inside.

I started to wish that both of my parents were dead, but even though my mother has let me down counless of times, I can't see myself without her, if only she has the common sense to throw him out, he don't contribute in anyway; he doesn't own anything, he's a loser, If only I had the nerve I would kill him myself but then I have a 7 year old daughter to be there for.

I wish he would die!

I dont think of you as a victim. you see a therapist once told me you may feel like a victim but victims are still in the siutation still being abused. A survivor is someone who lives through the abuse and is now out of the siutation. So in my way of thinknig you are a survivor and will continue to survive. and someday maybe you wont feel like a victim any more.

Oh man did I ever wish my stepfather dead. Not only dead but I wanted him to die before my mom and a very painful death.

one day I got a call from my mom. he was in the hospital - heart failure. and the rest of his organs were slowly and painfully shutting down, he was in so much pain that pain killers would not touch it and he was no longer lucid and the options were a long term facility where he could slowly die and be in pain or she she could pull the plug. she pulled the plug. My first thought when I recieved the call saying he was gone was WOW I'm finally free. that lasted about a week then depression and guilt and anger set in. I had lost the only person I knew as a father figure, I felt guilty because maybe my going public against him and that stress added to his health problems, I didn't even try to go see him before they pulled the plug even though I was told they will hold on until I get there if I wanted to see him and say I forgive you (not for him but for me), I had wished him dead and go through a painful death and it happened.. so many things to feel guilty about. and the rage that he never once told me he was sorry and so on was also there.

his death was one of the reasons became suicidal and my son went into foster care the first time.

Not saying you shouldn't wish him dead because that is all apart of the healing process - expressing anger even if it is saying you want the person dead. Just letting you know you are not alone

Just curious why you are living there with a 7 year old, if that is the case.

(((((((myself))))))) when I first read your reply I couldn't help but smile and envy you for your 'problem' has gone but now re- reading it I see the seriousness in it, I appreciate your openess and honesty but I'm at at stage where I just want him gone forever!!!!!

'Cause I have no place else to live, CJR520

I feel the same way, soonforgotten, except about my mother. It seems like maybe the memories wouldn't haunt as badly if the person who caused them were gone forever. (((Hugs))) to you if you want them

Take care,
Kimberly.

((((((((Kimberly))))))))

Yes I want them, thank you.

Hugs
Lisa