[hopefully21]

New here and im just trying to cope with my childhood s/a everyone sweeps it under the rug especially my mother. this led me down a path if destruction and unhealthy coping mechanism sighs i just want to wake up and forget to be able to breathe again to not fake a smile and play little miss perfect im 21 im youthful i shld b so having the time of my life. Im a successful college student likeable but deep down inside i hate myself and im not happy. I still feel like im that teenager all over again reliving every event day after day and for my mom to speak of it as a incident which needs to add a s at the end of that. Hopefully being here will make me feel better i hope.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I hope you don't do what I did, and carry around a bunch of resentment for YEARS AND YEARS. All that did was make ME sick - it didn't hurt the people that I was resenting!! I like the saying: "Resentment is the poison that I take to kill YOU." It is so true!! My home life sucked - It was awful. And I got married to get out of the house - and that was a huge mistake! I spent 26 years with an abuser (mental, verbal) who depleted every bit of self-esteem I ever had. I should say I ALLOWED him to do that.

Don't waste your time on reliving your past. Just think of it like this. Your parents gave YOU what THEY had to give. They can't give you something that they haven't got. They brought you up the same way THEY were brought up. That's all they know. It was probably wrong. But you can't change that now. So accept that it happened, and it's OVER. You're stronger for it - but you don't have to continue the cycle. Stop the cycle of abuse with YOU. I did.
God bless you and you're in my prayers. Hugs, Lee

[skeksi]

I sympathize. When I finally faced my abuse and realized how much it was affecting me in my everyday life, I was SO MAD. Mad that it happened, mad at how it was wrecking my life in the present. And boy, was I mad at my mom for what she allowed to happen. I tried to bring it up once but she reacted so badly that I decided that what I wanted from her, I would not get. I've been working on things in therapy for a long time and they are getting better.

You are still young, and perhaps there might be a way to resolve things with your mom so that you don't feel so angry and isolated. Therapy is a good place to discuss your feelings, and if you decide to confront your mom, the support of a therapist is very helpful.

I'm sorry you are struggling. Abuse can haunt us, and it's hard to go to college and realize that because of what happened, you feel damaged and different from everyone else. But you're okay, and you're not different, and you CAN feel better. You are not alone in your struggles.

[hopefully21]

Thx you guys are absolutely right i can only take one day at a time and i shall.