Aftermath of revealing child sexual abuse PART 2

Background:
I have 2 sisters. Sister A's husband molested me for 7 years of my childhood. Sister B hosts the pedophile in her house.

I confronted my BIL (brother in law), and he denied it. But now he won't stop sending abusive texts. Till yesterday, I was trying not to be bugged by it. But today it REALLY bothered me because:

Sister B is hosting the pedophile in her house, her reasons to host him kept changing from:

1. she has to be nice to him so she can visit their house,
2. she said she can't be mean to him because then Sister A woud not like it.
3. Now, she said she has to host him because she wants him to confess what he did.

I felt she's making too many excuses. IMO, why would you keep someone who is a pedophile in your house? And secondly, HOW IS THIS YOUR PLACE TO "make" HIM CONFESS? its not your personal issue, ask MY permission for it first! (not sure I'f i'm demanding too much???, please answer??)

She gave him a chance to speak, and he's said so many things about me. Saying that I'm lying and I had an affair with him, etc. He also told all the sexual details which I didn't reveal to anyone because I don't want to relive it.

SisterB came over and would smilingly ask what he did, is it true? (I had already told her he molested me), she wanted to know how we did it,etc. then she'd laugh. then she'd say "well he's gonna take you to court so you must be prepared what to say why you didn't say it earlier?". I told her i didn't want to talk about all this and don't ask me questions. She kept pressuring me saying, WELL THE LAWYERS WILL ASK YOU!

What LAWYER? if theres any lawyer it should be when I put a case on him. He can't put any case on me.

She also told me he can do anything coz he has power, etc.. (I'm not living in US right now)

His abusive texts to me overall and my sisters acts and attitudes towards this whole situation has really messed with my head today. i'm very furious and hurt and there's lots of pain in me. Bodily sensations from the trauma are back too.

What do I do? How do I deal with this???

I'm also mad at my sister that she gave him a chance to talk and he was abusing me and everything, she came and told me all that. I would expect her to be a little more sensitive about the issue and not laughingly say things.

PLEASE HELP! :'(

PS: A few years back, SisterB was also the only person I had revealed this to at that time, when I had the courage. And she shut me down by saing dont ever tell anyone this, no one will believe you.

have you asked her why she told you to not speak of it years ago when you told her? why she said no one would believe you and yet now is siding with him?

Invisigirl, My mom told her the same thing you said minus the why are you siding with him. She doesn't say she's siding with him but I know her actions show that. The issue is, my family reads words, not people's actions. I on the other hand, focus on actions.

my sister AGAIN asked why i didnt say it earlier. She has asked me this question about 9 times now, and I am TIRED of explaining to EACH person individually WHY.

Not only do i have to explain my own feelings to everyone around me, FIRST i have to explain what molestation is, what a child goes through, what other people go through, etc etc.. I'm absolutely mentally exhausted from all these explanations.

On one side I am explaining to my family, on the other, this sick person keeps sending me abusive texts.

On the topic of THIS sister, she's a pathalogical liar. She'll never admit her fault. I've NEVER seen her say "yeah, what i did was wrong there.." Never in my life I've seen her do that UNLESS she needs something from me. She has always also sided with my other sister (the wife of the pedophile).

She also keeps calilng me a user don't know why, I barely ever require anything from her, barely talk to her.. don't ask her any favors, but somehow i'm a user in her eyes.

If i ask her why did you say this, SHe'll just make something up. I have just given up on her. It still hurts though.

Today was VERY rough. MORE rough than confronting the molester. Confronting actually felt good, TODAY did not.

If I even say, what's the point of asking me why i didnt say it earlier? why are you attacking me, rather than the pedophile?

Her response to this is:

Well, he's threatening to take you to court, now lawyers and OTHER people will ask you these questions, then what will you say? he will tell EVERYONE around you and ruin your reputation, when people ask you, waht will you say? i'm just helping you by preparing you.

PREPARING ME FOR WHAT??? HE CAN"T DO A CASE ON ME, WHY? HOW? coz i confronted him???? HOW IS THAT ILLEGAL??

and IF HE SAYS STUFF TO RELATIVES, i CANT CONTROL THAT. Neither do i want to answer anyone, and the possibility of others asking me questions is zilch. They will think it in their head, but they won't ask me anything.

Even today, she kicked out the pedophile because I told my uncle and he called her. I texted her saying she hurt me today, her response "what do you want? i already did what you want me to do, what now?". NO! i dont WANT you to do it, I expect you to do it. I don't expect you to keep him in your house! I shouldnt have to work so hard for this to happen! you should know this, you're my sister!

I really don't know what to do with the anger surrounding this.. I'm getting bodily sensations and I just don't know what to do with this anger??? Its so much anger, I don't think I've felt it before!

are you living with your family? is there a way for you to get out of there if you are? maybe stay with friends or other, more supportive impartial, family for a while?

it does sound VERY rough having to deal with so much and feeling attacked from all sides like that.

for dealing with your anger, there are a few things you can try.. write down all your feelings then take the paper and destroy it - rip it burn it scribble on it with heavy markers.. you can use art to draw your feelings or paint. you can find some old junk or something and take it somewhere (like a dump? or just out to your trash can?) and break it. beat the heck out of it, smash it, destroy it, and toss it. if you want to simply find a way to calm down, again art is good. or anything that occupies your hands and mind just enough to distract you but not so much it's challenging you. something like coloring or knitting. coloring is one of the most calming activities people can do. sounds silly, but it's true.

anyhow, i hope you find some way to relieve these intense feelings.

I would ignore her questions and not respond.

Hi Invisigirl,

I am staying with my parents right now and I'm stuck in translation. I'm supposed to move to a new city but I'm waiting on my uncle to come help me (whos' in another city). I can't move there myself because its not like US. To even get an apartment, I have to have a job or my family there pretending liek they'll stay with me. Thats how tough it is to get an apt here, so I need his help.

And thankyou for the writing suggestion, I did take it up last night and wrote that letter that I talked about in the other post. But I feel like that's not working for me

It never has. The only time that works for me is when i actually send it. Which in this case I'm trying very hard not to, i think about sending it a lot but I'm not gonna.

So i'm still stuck with the anger.. I'll try coloring or something along those lines and see.

Thankyou!

Sannah, if i ignore her questions. She says, "OH! why are you ignoring? That must mean that you're hiding something? If you're not at fault, why do you need to ignore?"

This is the same sister Mona. Anything and everything you say or don't say to her will be taken against you.

if she asks why you are ignoring, ignore some more. she deserves no explanation from you.

Stare her down then with all your anger in your face maybe.

if you were to do a little research, you would find that you are in a far too common situation,, this is one reason people never come forward, the covering up and the denial and the blaming the victim never stop... what he is treatening to take you to court for is Defamation,, which you have no proof that he did those things to you, and your own family will turn against you,, because of their own guilt and shame, and you will be the one burned for it ...

seriously, stop what you are doing until you find out what your supports are, what your options are, and who your friends are ~!

please be careful ~! you know pedophiles never stop with just one,, if only another would come forward,, you might have a case. best wishes,, Gus

She sounds like a really nasty manipulative person. I can't believe she'd laugh at you (well, of course I do believe it, there are some really crooked people out there.) She just seems so poisonous, so toxic... She's making you relive the abuse as though she was getting something out of it. And quizzing the bloody rapist about all the salient details is just vile. I'm sorry to have to say it, but your sister is filthy. I really hope you're able to get out of this situation some time. It's just awful reading about it, I can't imagine living it.
Stay strong, and remember, you're not accountable to her. She has no right to persecute you in this way.

LOL sannah and invisigirl! I will try those! as of now, I'm not on talking terms with her because i am pissed off at EVERYTHING with her...

Thanks Gus,

I looked it up on wiki, it says that if its in a published format, not clear if its spoken. On the other hand, my mom believes me so does my dad.

my sisters are the odd ones, they believe me now, might not tomorrow.

Can he really do defamation for me telling my "family"? I have saved his abusive texts and recorded a conversation where he says to my sister he did it to get revenge from me. But now he's turned it around and said he didn't molest me, we had an affair when I was 20 years old so its not molestation. Which is untrue. This happened when i was a teen.

I'm glad that your parents believe you.

My suggestion would be to stay away from these people as much as you possibly can. Therapy and support for yourself, building a good life is the best possible revenge against those who have harmed you.

I'd suggest staying clear of it all now. Block anyone who is abusive from text, phone, and email. Don't be available to the manipulation and further abuse.

Set firm boundaries. They don't don't get to use you as their toy anymore.