Why?!!!!!!!

hopefully21 · Feb 21, 2011, 01:08 AM

Why cant I just move on from all of this my past cant sleep cant eat barely making it thru college ugh why is it he still has control I dnt want this anymore I try so hard to forget to move on and be happy and everytime it results bck to my csa and other shyt i hate being me............

I must been an jerk in my past life to deserve this ugh or maybe not!!!!!!!! I dnt kno

mistyeyed · Feb 21, 2011, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefully21

Why cant I just move on from all of this my past cant sleep cant eat barely making it thru college ugh why is it he still has control I dnt want this anymore I try so hard to forget to move on and be happy and everytime it results bck to my csa and other shyt i hate being me............

I must been an jerk in my past life to deserve this ugh or maybe not!!!!!!!! I dnt kno

'i must of been a jerk in my past life to desrve this'... jeez i thought i was the only one who ever said that about my own life/abuse. It gets better it absolutely has to.. I went through the same thing with college last year i found myself focusing less and less, missing class not handing anything in as easy as the assignment was. ****** boyfriend, ****** work, ****** friends. When you talk, you try to so hard not to let the depression show that you just avoid socializing altogether. This just happens to be your story y'know?

It all passes everything is temporary...good or bad..your abuse has passed.. hang in there

Sannah · Feb 21, 2011, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefully21

Why cant I just move on from all of this my past

why is it he still has control

I try so hard to forget to move on and be happy and everytime it results bck to my csa

You have to work through this stuff. There isn't any forgetting or simply moving past it. Shift your energy to what will work - working through it, instead of fighting it.

You didn't do anything to deserve any of this. People with severe problems had access to you.

Tatyana2009 · Feb 21, 2011, 01:40 PM

When we cant sleep and cant eat it is usually our body's way of telling us there is something we need to work on. To change.

It usualy indicates a state of alert and of anxiety. We simply cant relax.

The truth is that he does not have control anymore. But the body remembers.

Various things can help - counselling, going for walks in nature, acupuncture, music, books etc.

I hope in time you will feel better and maybe keeping a log of your feelings will help too.

You are doing well x

jazzy123456 · Feb 22, 2011, 12:53 AM

be GENTLE with yourself. you we're hurt. you are in pain. beating yourself up about it will intensify the negative feelings you already feel.

have you tried treating/self-talk with yourself that involves treating yourself how you would treat a close friend or a family member?
would you say these same things to someone you care deeply about?

be GENTLE with yourself, it takes time to let go, and not being GENTLE with yourself will only make this situation harder to deal with,.....

granted, it will still be hard but, positive self talk makes a huge difference.

PTSDlovemycats · Feb 22, 2011, 01:17 AM

Oh Hopeful,

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time right now!

Remember I am always here to listen if you want, whether it be in chat, posts, or PM's. Reach out when you need to Sweetie OK? -Oh and Hopeful? BE NICE TO YOURSELF! I hate to hear you talk bad about yourself. Your are a wonderful, kind, beautiful human being inside and out. Also know that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle, -As tough as it seems you WILL get through this Hun. Take Care. Thinking about you tons and wishing you the best as always. Keep your chin held high and you WILL succeed Sweetie.

Cats.

hopefully21 · Feb 22, 2011, 06:48 PM

Thx Cats just too thru with all of this I dnt think I can do it and yes I heard the saying "God doesnt give us anything we cant handle" well if that were true I be handling and coping with everything better im just mentally physically n emotionally tired im so close to being done with school n I can see it all slipping away Ive lost interest n everything sighs

PTSDlovemycats · Feb 23, 2011, 04:17 AM

((((hugs!!)))) PM me Sweetie!

Sannah · Feb 23, 2011, 10:04 AM

Are you still seeing a therapist?

hopefully21 · Feb 24, 2011, 12:44 AM

Yes just everything seems to be crashing dwn and spinning out of control and I have no control Im just I dnt kno.......

PTSDlovemycats · Feb 24, 2011, 04:03 AM

Yes you do Hopeful, BE STRONG, you are strong. You CAN and you WILL get through this!

Cats

Sannah · Feb 24, 2011, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefully21

Yes just everything seems to be crashing dwn and spinning out of control and I have no control Im just I dnt kno.......

Your therapist is aware of this?

hopefully21 · Feb 24, 2011, 11:53 PM

She does some what I cant explain fully whats going on I just know something is off that i am off this mental turmoil Im afraid I always have things so put together and I dnt want it to seem like im falling apart and cant manage and shes always praises me for being so brave and strong and ugh everything else i dnt wanna let her dwn or anyone else but all n all im the one who is suffering

PTSDlovemycats · Feb 25, 2011, 01:32 AM

(((HUGS!)))

Hopeful, you need to be honest with your T. I think that trying to protect her from knowing everything is a sweet idea but in doing that you are only hurting yourself. I am wondering if meds could be playing a role in how you are feeling right now? I hope you are doing better Sweetie. Take it easy and take it slow, Day by day, Hour by hour if you have to. Thinking about you tons!!!

Sannah · Feb 25, 2011, 11:37 AM

Hopefully, yes, you need to be honest with your therapist. This is the best way to get better.

hopefully21 · Feb 25, 2011, 04:08 PM

I decided against the pills cats cause like everyone was saying its a waste of money and you know as well as I do that its hard to stop purging all together n obviously nobody had nothing of importance to say towards it I know I have to stop purging I just wanted to know how did others manage with taking pills n purging still didnt get an answer I was looking for but thats fine and as far as my feelings thats just is has nothing to do with meds cause im taking them I know it wld prob help me balance things out......@ Sannah I shld be honest with my therapist but I always had this mask and im afraid to just let my guard down ugh

PTSDlovemycats · Feb 26, 2011, 01:56 AM

Ok, well it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I would encourage you to be as honest as you can with your T so that she can help you through this patch. I hope things improve for you soon! Still thinking about you tons!!