[rebecca8]

When I was in preschool I was touched inappropriately by one of the other little girls. And when I was about 7, the granddaughter of my old babysitter had abused me more than once. I have always been shy, but back then I was so shy that sometimes the only time I spoke in school was to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I'm pretty sure my shyness came from my mother, but it became worse from the abuse. I was like a silent puppet. Anyone could do anything to me, and I'd just take it. As an adult, I've overcome a lot of that shyness, but some of these patterns remain. Not to such an extent however. I know I need therapy, but it's a bit expensive for me right now. It really does help to know that I'm not totally alone though. Thanks for listening.

at ages 4 and 5 is when most children experiment with finding out what pleases them and also games of I'll show you mine if you show me your, house doctor and so on so it could have been a noraml play experience. and is quite common. also most children that are abused are through people they trust- relatives, babysitters, family friends and acquaitences. Though alot are abused through strangers a majority are through people known to the child that is why children are being taught in schools as young as preschool and kindergarten about good touch bad touch and their bathing suit areas are their own. so what you went through is quite common. and you are not alone.

[kimmydawn]

You're not alone, Rebecca. I'm sorry that you suffered any abuses...that any child does.

My therapist and I have actually talked about this...why incidence can be more than the "average" person with an abused child. I was angry and asked if I'd worn a sign or something...angry and wanting to know "how" and "why".

My therapist said that the "sign" that might have been known to those that would abuse was my lack of reaction and shock. It made sense to me. Some children who are seriously abused don't shock easily and can "learn" not to react as it could make things worse for them.

You are not alone in many areas. Are you in therapy, or have you considered it? It's helped me understand things for myself so much better.

I wish you the best and hope to read more from you soon. It was very brave of you to post.

Kd

Hi Rebecca,
Welcome to the forum. You are right that it is common. I hope you got support and help over the years.

[hillbunnyb]

Lordy Lordy Lordy Rebecca, did you hit a button with me this morning!!!! The non-reactive thing, oh m goodness..... after 8 years with the same Dr., she still can't read me around pain. I stuff it all. Mom
(mother who can't mother) informed me that everybody has pain, so shut up and get over it. I was a little kid with migaines and an ulcur, plus back injuries. Go figure. I can dead pan through just about anything (I'm not talking flat affect here). Of course, inside I am just devestated and in agony.... I am currently trying to ammend this behavior to at least be able to get the words "ow, that hurt" out my mouth at the time of injury. I can break a toe without a peep or change of expression. When I was 28, a friend informed me that she WAS NOT IN PAIN, that once in a while she got a headache. I was dumbfounded. (Mom had lied.) I had no concept of life without bad pain. I still look at people living their lives, moving around doing things,with big eyes: they are not in pain?! What a concept. I've had to try to change my seat to try to review my basic concepts of myself in the world and integrate this amazing information. That led to having to learn how to ask for help. That led to learning how to ask for help from people who had help to give... I still suck at it, but I'm learning. Finding a neutral feedback source anywhere in my world, to triangulate myself agaist, figure out my actual place in the whole, has been tricky. My MSN TV2 has turned out to be a great source -- my keyboard doesn't crap on me if I do something over and over, hit the wrong button, go to the wrong site, etc etc etc. It's been so good for me to get this new perspective. Free to be me, a place to learn safely and at my own pace. Of course, then I have to extropolate my brains out and suck each morsel of info I figure out dry, but, that's just part of who I am. I'm having the time of my life. And this site, oh, I am in love. Welcome aboard, I just got here myself! I can't hardly wait til I can make more than 3 posts a day!!! We are not alone. Imagine that!!!

[LILITH]

Rebecca sorry for your pain. There are some therapist that will have a sliding fee scale. Where visits are based on your ability to pay. Therapy is a good thing for the most part.

[rebecca8]

thank you to everyone. i feel better. i'm not so ashamed anymore. to kimmydawn: you shed a light on why i probably don't react to things as i should. in my head i'm thinking, "don't upset the other person, you don't want them to be mad at you!" i always knew that i needed to speak up, but it didn't really click as to why i couldn't until now. thank you.
for hillbunny: my mom seems to be similar to yours with the whole "get over it" thing. i've learned that my mom has so many problems that she's never gotten over, so I've finally learned to not take what she says to me personally. that was hard. "the unhealed wounds of our parents are carried down to us." (i just heard that on tv, coincidence?) people like us need a lot of compassion. probably mostly from ourselves.