[Twilight]

God, are you there?
Do you exist?
Can you hear me?
Were you there twenty years ago?
Could you hear me calling then?
Did you know that I believed in you then?
Do you know that I don't believe in you now?
Didn't you realize that a child was hurting?
Couldn't you have stopped it?
Why would you allow it?
Aren't you supposed to love us?
Did you watch it all happen?
Did you know that things would turn out this way?
Was this your plan?
Are you a sadist?
Did you enjoy this?
How could you not hear a little girl crying?
Do you exist?
Why do I have to go on like this?
If you exist, why won't you make this stop?
Why won't you take me away from here?
Why can't I die?
Why do I have to go on living?
If you never give us more than we can handle, why am I not able to handle this?
Do you exist?
Are you watching now?
Was this my punishment?
What did I do that was this horrible?
Why won't you give me courage now?

I don't believe in you.
I don't believe in me.
I don't believe in love.
I don't believe in life.
I don't believe I want to do this anymore.
I don't believe that I CAN do this anymore.
I don't believe in you.

[Overcastbutclearing]

You have been reading my mind haven't you Twilight.
I understand...boy oh boy.

(((((((((Twilight))))))))

[Lexicon78]

(((((Twilight)))))

You know I have wondered that very thing. I remember screaming for him when I needed him the most. Ya know what, he never answered. I don't believe in him anymore either. It's funny, but they say he is kind and loving and all that crap. That's all I think it is, really...crap. If he was all of that, we would be able to move on in life and be ok. He would've saved us, and so many other people that were made to suffer for the rest of our lives and save those little children that get beaten to death every single day. How kind is that? Not very if you ask me. Well, I just wanted to say I'm right there with you. Hang in there...we can do this together. I'm sure you never had that before. You have a friend in me.

I bounce between believing and not believing in God but the one thing I do know is if there is a god and he made men and women and he gave them the brain to make their own choice to eat that apple. He told them not to eat that apple and they chose to do so anyway. That right there tells me that I can believe that if there is a God that its not God's will when people choose to abuse others. He gave people the brain to learn what is good and bad. what they do with that knowledge they gain in learning is peoples choice and fault not God's. take care

just an added thought not related to the poster -
I also think of God kind of like a therapist. He's there to talk to but the solutions to my problems I have to locate those. Talking to him just clears away the emotionm level so that I can see the problem clearer.

[EJ711]

Myself,

That is exactly right.

Jane

Thank you Jane.

[Gracey]

Twilight

What an incredible post. I have wondered a LOT where He was when I needed Him the most. I still don't have answers, and I'm one of those "Jesus people" everybody thinks walks around with their head in the heavenlies. I feel your pain. . .I ask the same questions over and over. . .even now.

An answer to the last question in your first "paragraph" if I could be so bold though. . .
"Why won't You give me courage now?"
"For You have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind" 2Tim 1:7

I think you are showing tremendous courage now, and for the first time in your life, you probably have some POWER over what is happening to you. As far as love goes. . .only YOU can decide about love, whether you give it, or whether you receive love given to you. The sound mind part. . .girl, we all still searching for that one.

[dottie]

Hello. I believe that God is everywhere. So is his adversary, Satan. Wherever you see stife and suffering...a huge invisible battle is taking place. If you don't have faith...then you will not have Grace. Grace is what makes us triumph over the enemy.

How do we arm ourselves...ask for the grace to overcome.

There is no way that I can condense this answer to you. Not enough room here. We have a choice to embrace GOOD or EVIL. When people choose evil then that is where, the why, and the who, of all else that is innocent suffers.

The earth is the devils' playground. Christ said himself..that this was not his world. I hope I have not explained too abruptly, for the answer is quite lengthy.

I understand your questions. I have asked them too in days gone by.Wish it was easier to explain to you. I" get it". But to explain it to someone who is in pain and suffering so many doubts...I doubt I would be able to fully explain how God works. He loves us. That I believe with all my heart. I am sorry if you feel that he has let you down. But he has set the rules & boundries...that we ALL must obey or the innocent suffer. I will try to find some links for you that would and could explain it much better than I.

But it all starts with Faith. That is the beginning.

[hillbunnyb]

So many ways to view the "bigger picture".... aren't we amazing? For me "God" ie: creation is in each of us. But, our physicalness pads us, distracts us, prevents us from remembering and connecting with that essentioal/core/soul part of our being, which is part of the whole of everything, that is the truth of it all. We, and everything that is, are part of one whole....... some call that whole heaven.......

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Twilight}}}}}}}}}}} I remember having the very same feelings. There was a time I was Very Angry at God! I still get almost offended at the mention of "guardian angels." But having dealt with my own abuse that has been present throughout my life, I KNOW that God allowed it when I was three for a reason. If I hadn't gone through what I did, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I am NOT perfect
not always strong
not always wise
not always loving
not always caring
not always empathetic
not always patient, etc.

BUT when I AM all these things, it's because I understand all too well and I understand because I went through the abuse, pain, misunderstanding, abandonment from both my mother and what I though, God. He didn't abandon me and he hasn't abandoned you, either.

Hang tight. It will get better. We're all here to help you through. That's why I'm here.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I do know is if there is a god and he made men and women and he gave them the brain to make their own choice

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's it exactly! Our abusers made the choise to go against God's law. It's called Free Will.

As for us, the abused, He watched and He HURT right along with us just like parents hurt when they see their young children learning to walk. If we reach out and catch them every time they stumble, they don't learn to balance for themselves in order to keep from falling. We ALLOW them stumble and fall so they can learn. The same with God.

An example out of my childhood. I used to pray daily, several times a day that my dad would come back home after he divorced my mom. A few years ago, I asked a very wise "man of the cloth" why God never answered my prayers. This wise man told me "Maybe God knew something you didn't know. God may have known it wasn't in "the little girl's best interest" for her daddy to come back." I later found out that my dad had sexually abused me. Did God answer my prayer... or not? I say "Yes!" He protected me from further abuse!

Thanks septembermorn. I really like the learning to walk analogy really cool. Never thought of that. so cool.

[dottie]

http://www.everystudent.com/wires/stacyjames2.html

Hi. Hope this can help you to understand the machinations of the Supreme Being.

[Hopefull]

I remember sometime wondering where God is. However, I like the fact that Jesus actually experienced pain in his life. He knows what it is like for us. I just wish he had given us all realy great families to raise us.
My family was pretty good except for the insults. I think I learned most of my negative thinking from my parents. But, I do believe in free will as the main reason why evil happens to good people.

[jammerlich]

I don't really have anything to add to the actual subject matter of this thread, but did want to send kudos out to all of you who have responded.

It seems to me that everyone has done a really great job of expressing their differing opinions in a respectful way, without resorting to insulting each other. I'm impressed and it makes me feel proud to be here!

[Mystry]

It wasn't that God didn't hear your cries, it was that satan silenced them...but you're going to believe what you want to believe... Sometimes when I'm at my worst and I feel like I just don't want to go on with the maddness a voice somewhere deep inside tells me that I can go on, that I do have the strength to live...but satan is a constant threat just waiting...would it take a miracle for you to believe that He does care...just look in a mirror and you'll see one of God's greatest miracles. I sound very preachy and I don't mean to. He is there. You just have to believe and stop blaming Him for satan's handy work.For along time after my ordeal God was not a contender for my love. What changed that was looking into the eyes of my children and seeing his light shinning there...He's where I got the strength to leave them...so that they would have a normal life, but that's another story. Maybe I have blind faith but it's better than believing that there is no one, absolutely no one for me to turn to. I don't think I could have lasted this long if it weren't for Him.

Mystry

[(JD)]

Romans 8:28 And we KNOW that all things work together for good...
evil takes "everything" good from God and turns it to ...evil. God is stronger, and will use everything to accomplish His purposes...eventually.

It's quite common to lose faith due to PTSD. I can't spout the technicalities of it all right now...but it's part of the chemical changes in the brain. We have to believe He is still there...

No, He does not make us do only right... people have free will... and some use that free will to injure others.

I'm sorry that anyone is hurting. If others here, strangers, can care for each other, how much more must we believe that God cares? He knows everything, who, what when where and why.