Hurts

It hurts to see all that the child went through. It hurts to feel and know her pain. It hurts to know that no one will ever answer for, or acknowledge their roles.

It hurts the most to know that it's all been for naught.

Only I can change that. Only I can make all that abuse worthwhile someway...

I don't know how, but I will.

Thanks,

KD

Kimmy I am sorry you are sad and hurting..I think in your thread you hit it right on the head when you said only you can make it better..I bet the best way is to move on and be as happy as you can be and good..a good person who only shows kindness to kids. The abusers will and cannot EVER have that OR BE THAT

SAFE HUGS

Yes, sleeps, you're right. In a way I've moved on alot just by surviving. There's more to do though, and I know it. I just haven't figured it out.

I've always been a refuge for children...taking them into my home, counseling and hearing them, protecting them. I will continue this until the day that I die.

There's more I need to be doing, though. It's eating at me. I don't know what it is, but I need to help more somehow. All of that was FOR a reason. I have to make it so in order to move on. That's how I will...

thank you again,

KD

You are welcome by being a safe haven and an advocate you have ...nothing will justify what was done nothing . YOU have transended it with the kindness you have shown kids.

thank you so much, sleeps. i didn't know how much that i needed to read that. i am not like them. i've broken those cycles with my children and live to help others.

i HAD to be the giver in a family full of takers. i CHOOSE to give now. isn't it odd that BECAUSE of them, i actually have alot to give?

thank you for being kind to me tonight.

KD

Gosh I hope I am always kind to you and everyone I post to...though I do not always see all the threads...so never think I am ignoring a plea..then we have areas I will not go ...like caregivers and grief and loss..I don't go there

I was making a sandwich and thinking more on what you first said and it hit me..just like the victims at the Concentration camps..abuse happens and its not FOR a reason ..its because someone..aka the abuser is flawed very flawed,,I can think of a few x-rated words..and one cannot ever fix it,..what they did, but one can move past it and make sure it never happens again at least near them and help all they can...I guess its less of a reason FOR it and more of a good *in spite of it* ...Thats my butterfly brain fluttering around over a ham sandwich

hehe. ham sandwich? hmm, I have some ham in there...

Yes, I understand the "in spite of it" feeling and thinking. There have been sooooooooo many times that I wouldn't give up or in because I would NOT give them the satisfaction. I'm very familiar with that one and thanks for bringing that thought back.

I feel more energy in my muscles as I'm typing this.

Have a good nite and thank you, sleeps.

BTW, yes, you're always kind. Tonight, when I really needed it, though, it's stands out for me. hehe. a bit selfish there.

rest well.

KD

Good I am glad you feel some better....Yes hahah ham at 1 a.m a double oink......I should be resting now that I think of it...and you kinda mention it...Have a good sleep..I may do another post or two then I am outta here.....I think

Youre way on the right track...
HUGS

I know the feeling Kimmydawn. Years ago I had so much anger and so on just a boiling aabout it all until a friend asked me if I was ready to make the abuse count for something good and told me about the states task force on rape and sexual assault. From that day on I was on the lookout for ways to make what happened to me count.

The ways I found to make the past count for good instead of the bad it was--

When my past therapist and I were done with a 2 and a half by 2 feet cardboard house (the house that I grew up in) we gave it to one of her clients a little girl who wanted it to play with her barbies. For however long that house lasted it gave her joy.

Testified in a state task force on rape and sexual assault. my statements about the abuse went into forming new laws for proposal in legistature and went on to become new laws with other survivors testimonies.

Volunteered at various crisis centers and hot lines.

Helped to facilitate a support group with other survivors.

Started a support group in my area for women survivors of sexual abuse

Wrote two books for publishing so that other survivors will see they are not alone and can survive.

opened my home from time to time for survivors in need of an emergency place to stay while getting hooked up with community agencies.

Hang in there. It does get better.

Hey Kimmy, I know the feeling, I was ranting to shrinky recently, "I need to kick some ***." Meaning: do something to positivelly impact my world. Finding a way to plug in, utilize all we have learned....... you are a transformer. It'll find a way to express itself..... anyhow, that's what I tell myself.....

KD, you are one of the kindest people I know, and perhaps THAT'S what came out of your abuse. Abusers are mean and evil and flawed, as Sleeps said. You have devoted your life to being and doing the exact opposite of what your abusers did. I think it's a testament to your strength and ability to carry on and do good in the world in spite of what happened to you.

Hugs and love,

Candy

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Thank you so much. It's been a hard time seeing so much.

kd

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