Part of our story TRIGGERING

The mother was Canvassing the fact that the stepfather had orally copulated us, it started around the age of 2 years old, the man we called Cal often he came to the home while the mother was in local taverns . She never even reported it to the police! There was vaginal sores we tried to talk about the abuse initially but the mother told us not to speak a word of it ever again so the abuse continued, and worsened . Around that time we were taken to a hospital for a broken arm that wasn’t discovered for over 3 months after the arm was initially broken . From then on we kept our mouths shut , and the sisters too never told about the man because he was abusing them as well . After that a group of men raped anni she was 6 she was cut vaginally and her stomach the scars remain . There was many incidents of sexual and many of physical abuse , the mother claims she was aware 2X of the abuse and failed to notify anyone or obtain medical attention , or provide mental support ! this makes the mother Guilty ! The mental abuse , and spiritual abuse was the worst we were constantly told how evil we were that we would burn in hell , mom called us a slut ***** ***** bastard and so much more.. One thing I could rely on is the beatings there we were 6 of us oldest to youngest , all of us forced to be nude , I watched as my mother beat each of us until there was blood or welts ,once I watched the mother kick the sister so hard her upper leg was cut wide open , it needed stiches but the mother wasn't about to get it taken care of . I wished I was first in line that way we wouldn’t have had to watch . usually it was for something as trivial as borrowing her spoon . We decided from then on she would never see us cry no matter how bad the beating was. The Twin overpowered us and the mother allowed it , he chased us through the house kicking hitting we would wake up with the brother opening the mouth and spitting in it .Once the brother and his friend held us down tearing off the clothes I don’t remember what happened after that . For long periods of time we lacked basic essentials such as water electricity gas or food . The grandmother would get food behind the grocery stores for her pigs and that’s what often we would eat .Many times we were locked in a closet . And the basement too, once the mother came home drunk and put the twin brothers head in a sink full of water he nearly drowned but I grabbed the mothers leg she kicked me and then released the brother . There is a scar on our for head where there has been stitches we believe we were stabbed there but still we are not sure ?? The home was very unsanitary cockroaches so many of them everywhere and big black bugs that came up from the sewage . At a very young age the mother was drinking with a group of men she bent our fingers back until they made a cracking sound I cried out in pain and I watched as the adults broke out in laughter not understanding why ! The grandfather was a polygamist he was another one of the perpetrators , as a young child we had such a fear of vampires this I do not understand maybe one day ? when we were not locked in a closet or the basement we took every chance we could to get out of that house , we looked around on the ground for pennies so we could buy and ice cream cone ,there was an old man that lived next store and he said " If you kiss me I will give you a quarter" , it became sort of a ritual and then one day he picked me up carried me to the back of the house he was so strong and he stuck his tongue down my throat , then everything went blank .This is a small amount of our story , the abuse happened daily .:rolleyes we havn't ever told anyone this much about ourselves because the embarassment and shame and lack of full memories .we have DID because of such traumatic events throughout childhood . AllOfUs

(((((((((allof you)))))))) So sorry for your pain. Thisis not your embarrassment it is theirs you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Sorry to hear about this, but have you seen a therapist about this at all? If not, it would probably be in your best interest, and don't feel ashamed or embarressed, you were violated, it is these people that should be ashamed of themselves.
Please seek professional help, I am sure you would benefit greatly, I am also sure in time with help you may be able to become "one" and lose the multiple identities. I wish you lots of luck with this journey.
Please take care now.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Thanks serenity (((((((((hugs serenity))))))))))))ALLOFUS

hiya DE yeah we have been going to T. need to lose them <----- I get tired of them thanks
Silver

Why "tired"of
them?

Hugs for ((((Silver and 'All of You'))))...

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

I have never read anything more disturbing. You've made my problems seem trivial in comparison.

Darling Lauren, I hope you can get through all your pain. I'm so sorry you've been hurt like this. God forgive those that did this to you.

Gez

hiya peanut hugs back atchya that has got to be the cutest doggy and the little dude behind the couch is kewl thanks Silver and all

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Please feel free to continue to share when you feel it may be helpful, and don't be afraid to state ways you'd like people to help you.

Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted....

yes if there is a way for us to help please say,

when my ship ran out of fuel i burned the things that made it pretty when i ran out of that i burned the things i loved when i ran out of that i burned willpower to keep me moving. its not a pretty ship but it still moves.

.....for they shall inhereit the earth. And as for the righteous, they shall inhereit the kingdom of God!

I believe Conklinca's quote is just what the dr. ordered.
Tom S.

((((((((Lauren, Silver, and the others)))))))

I'm so sorry that your mother hurt and neglected you so terribly and allowed other people to hurt you. I admire your strength and determination to survive such horrors. I'm glad that you have a therapist to help you. How old is Lauren now? How old is Silver? Do you keep in touch with your brothers and sisters?

I hope that you'll continue to post in the forums, and that you'll keep us up to date on your progress in therapy. Please also let us know any time that you need help from us.

Hi Lauren - I'm new to this site. Was recommended to me by someone on another board that is pretty quiet.

My father is a pedophile - & a perverted one. He did stuff to me starting when I was a baby. My mother knew about it & tried to kill me when I was about 2 years old. There were other incidents too. I have a sister about a year younger. She was part of the problem. Since we lived overseas most of my childhood & moved every 2-3 years, I had no one. The many therapists I've see (I'm 55) have mostly been skeptical because they don't see how I could have survived.

I think what I have figured out is: I read a lot of books all the time about healthy families & imagined myself growing up inside the families inside those books; I split - I have DID, not as bad as MPD; some kind of faith that has been growing in me for about 20 years.

I also have PTSD & RAD. I hate labels & was always wary of them, but eventually found a few that "clicked".

I think the worst thing for me was that what my father did got people's attention when I told them, but my mother's reaction was actually what damaged me the most - not necessarily even the trying to kill me, but the not-protecting me. Sometimes the sins of omission are worse than the sins of commission - & a lot more insidious because they are subtle.

I confronted my mother before she died. I think it helped relieve her of a lot of the guilt she had carried with her. She acknowledged, but said it was too painful to talk about (for her - just like her to "forget" I had feelings too).

I have given up on relationships with men - my choices are too damaging & I think I'm too damaged to have a healthy relationship. I have been celibate for over 20 years. I have to wonder sometimes - what's the point? But I keep muddling along. I hope someday I figure out how to get beyond just surviving to feeling alive - JJ

Lauren,
I am sorry for your horrible abuse. What a tragic story of sheer malicious deeds. What can I say. I can offer you some hope, because without hope we fall into the pits of hell. I can tell you that healing takes time and the journey can be long, but you can have peace during this difficult time by shifting your thoughts every now and then to a positive mode. This assures that you will find solutions to the inner turmoil and some peace. When we keep a positive attitude our life moves in a positive direction. I hope you have someone in your life outside of cyberspace that is helping you with the healing process.

4hope

You are of God little children and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

I'm so sorry that all of that has happened to you. The good news is that your alright now. (You are physically alright now aren't you?) There is still a lot in life to enjoy. I suggest finding a good therapist. I would like to help as well if i can, although i don't think i can fully comprehend what you went through. I wish you luck in comming to peace with everything.