[hopefully21]

I'm just so tired, tired of it all. I'm tired of the flashbacks, therapy, medications, oh let's not forget not being able to sleep.

Has anyone else been too done?! I feel like I have this ever lasting virus that won't go away. When does it all end? When will peace be restored back in my life? I'm freaking 22 years old and I don't feel young and vibrant and full of life. I've seen too much in my young life, like my mentality doesn't fit nothing fits. I want to be able to relax have some fun from time to time and the only thing that's keeping me afloat is college, but I'll be done in 2 weeks so back home for break. Its embarrassing to have to explain to my roommate why I randomly wake up screaming.I'm not say "oh Jen (named changed) my step dad s.a. from 12-16, so I tend to have nightmares, but everythings ok go back to bed" I think NOT! Or have her wake up and I startle her because who's up at 4-5 am practically sitting in the dark not doing much of anything.

Somethings gotta give because if the next 30-40 years is like this I don't wanna be here. Things have to get better.........right?! :/

[Sannah]

Hi Hopefully, haven't heard from you in awhile. Things can get better with therapy. Are you still in therapy?

[hopefully21]

Yes I am, but it seems pointless I can acknowledge/recognize that I've made progress in therapy and thus far has been helpful even self saving when I was in pretty dark places. I don't know I'm just tried of "trying and trying" like I don't know what I'm looking for like maybe an overall "I'm over it" kind of thing. No matter how hard I try "its" always there and I'm just done. When does it all stop?! And I know everyone is different blah blah blah I know and it takes time, but seriously sighs I want a relationship I want to be able to sleep peacefully at least 90% of the time I want a family of my own someday and I can't do any of it if I'm stuck. And yes I voice all of this to my T. Her reply wasn't nothing that I didn't already know and that was it takes time, be patience. Now I'm just irritated!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I can get pretty sick, myself, of it taking so long to get better.

I, too, feel like it never ends.

I am continually triggered.

I still get mad at the drop of a hat.

I still get upset when I make love or think about love or s*x.

I still hate myself sometimes.

I know.

Seems like it never ends.

But it does get better.

I am 44 and lately have been afraid of running out of time.

I too want to have a better life before I die.

Billi

[needfixing]

(((hugs)))
the nightmares and flashbacks do stop, i am living proof.
healing is a journey, and it can not be rushed.
i lean on and trust in my faith, and i read books that deal with my abuses.
the books that i read are my bible on a daily basis, beauty for ashes, and battlefield of the mind by joyce meyers.
may your new chapter in life be filled of healing, strength, positive poeple, and courage. (((hugs)))

[Sannah]

How about making a list of everything that you have improved with therapy and then a list of what you still want improved? With the list of what you want improved, rank them in order of importance and then write out a plan for the top few. I can help you if you want.