[autumnleaves]

So, I thought I was doing better, but on Saturday night I ended up calling the national suicide prevention hotline. I feel like I am constantly on a roller coaster from feeling much better to feeling worse than ever. Should I still be in individual counseling? I feel like I should've been over the abuse by now. Wouldn't I be if I were really that strong or brave? Please help.

[Astridetal]

There is nothing weak abou tnot getting over abuse quickly. Each individual has their own rate at which they recover. You are strong for taking responsibility for your recovery by going ot counseling and calling a hotline when you're feeling suicidal. I am sorry you keep swinging from better to worse, but it's probably part of the recovery process. I can relate. Saf ehugs if wanted.

Abuse has a tendency to resonate in the core of our beings,and very much seems to surface again and again,depending on our circumstance..(ie,current level of stress,and sometimes in response to triggers)..at the time.I honestly don't know that anyone 'gets over it' I think different people cope using different tactics.Some,repress....assuming if they 'don't think of it,it can't impact them'.(Kinda like hiding under the covers when we feared there was something scary "out there" as children).Some,attend counseling ...perhaps like dbt....in a process of gathering feedback on the turmoil/pain which is 'harshing their peace' for lack of a better expression,and to gain 'coping skills' for the turbulent times.Life is complicated,and has waves of stressful periods,and then can have serene periods,where we are 'fine'.If you have some type of core trauma,or things which you need to 'work through' with a trained individual who can guide/assist your process,so that you can locate a peace within that allows you to be freer in the present moments......I would push for counseling to bring resolution to your suffering.The difficulty is that while others would love to heal you and can support you in this process,it is a series of new skills that need some structure that ultimately help you feel better consistently.You CAN learn DBT at home via computer or book....the truth is,when we are feeling sooo low...who the heck 'feels like' getting out the door to a therapy/counseling appt.,but you may need to support yourself via a therapist or counselor during your process of healing.But it is essential that we fight through the crowd of feelings/thoughts which all stand in the way of us getting 'help'.It's like going to work,eating,showering....all essential to our well-being.The process is slow,and results certainly seem slow,and at times non-existent,but never the less....require a commitment.You deserve to find a peace,a method of coping,life IS difficult,DOES hold reasons that we are in pain,and must be attended to,as one would bandage a wound.I wish it were as simple as 'get over it'....even when we think we have 'won' over our baggage....it seeps back in under the door and pervades our peace...at the most inopportune times.Can you google DBT ?There is soooo much available for you to dive into and find new coping skills.Please don't fall to the deceptive thoughts of....I'm weak....I need to 'get over it'.Your mind has considered a most final action and that screams for you to show yourself some compassion in this very painful time of your life.Healing will be ongoing...in that it will require a lifetime commitment of you paying attention to 'where you're at', and what you can do to make 'whatever you are going through 'at this moment' more bearable.In a sense...maintenance of your peace....whatever that entails.You aren't weak for not "getting over it"........"Weak" is not facing that something inside is hurting you.And the reason it is weak....is because it keeps you stuck.Like stagnant water.Huggs....Please go easy on you in this painful time.~W~

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by autumnleaves

Should I still be in individual counseling?

Absolutely.

Originally Posted by autumnleaves

I feel like I should've been over the abuse by now. Wouldn't I be if I were really that strong or brave?

No...... Getting over abuse requires working through it. Being strong and brave and applying that to working through the abuse will get you over it but just being strong and brave without working through the abuse won't ever get you over the abuse - ever.

Being in individual counseling will help you to work through the abuse.

There are no shortcuts here and denial will get you nowhere.

[shezbut]

((((autumnleaves))))

Getting through your past is going to take time and work. Those core emotions (guilt, shame, self-hate) have followed you through life, and will continue to do so until you work through their causes and accept the past.

That is almost impossible to do on your own (imo). I really do believe that you need professional counseling, with someone who is experienced with your issues, to help you re-examine your beliefs about yourself and challenge them.

Gentle hugs to you

[lastChance2change]

Originally Posted by autumnleaves

So, I thought I was doing better, but on Saturday night I ended up calling the national suicide prevention hotline. I feel like I am constantly on a roller coaster from feeling much better to feeling worse than ever. Should I still be in individual counseling? I feel like I should've been over the abuse by now. Wouldn't I be if I were really that strong or brave? Please help.

The fact that you posted on here is a sign of bravery and strength in and of itself The fact that you were in counseling still yet another sign of bravery and strength. Reaching out to anyone for any type of help or advice is terrifying...or at least for me it was. I'm a borderline so "roller coaster" is my middle name It has taken me 7 years of individual psychotherapy to trust my therapist, begin to trust myself, begin to feel somewhat happy, begin to understand how self harm and suicide is futile (for me-I can't speak for anyone else) and I have been suicidal in the past, so I have complete respect for those who go through or have been through suicidal attempts. I respect the immense pain, and hopelessness that is felt, or sometimes just anger.
I'm sorry I got off track.
I just wanted to say that 1 month ago, I "chatted" online with a Suicide prevention hotline counselor because I felt horribly depressed, and had suicidal thoughts. I myself thought I had made progress and I felt ashamed that I was reaching out in a time of desperation when I thought that I no longer would have any more times of desperation and loneliness. All I know for a fact, is that reaching out to a Suicide prevention hotline whether you are indeed suicidal, or suicidal thoughts, or lonely...is NOT a weakness. I know it feels like it's a weakness, but reaching out for advice or help is just you growing stronger in better understanding your own needs for feeling better at that moment.
I saw a "counselor" 6 years ago, and she did not have the expertise to help me with my specific issues/fears. It was then that I realized that I really needed a therapist that was a Clinical Psychologist with a Ph.d . I had to go through many Ph.D therapists to find the perfect match. And it was nothing but desperation and hopelessness when I felt like I would never find a therapist that would take AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE to fully understand ME, my issues, and my fears. If you had an invalidating child hood, then at least 3 yrs of intense therapy is needed IF you want to actually change deep seated internal beliefs (or unconscious motivations).
Anyone that you find a connection with, who acts NO LESS than a professional therapist should, then I think the prognosis for treatment is good. They are very hard to find, at least where I live.
I personally would only stick with Ph.D clinical psychologists. I know Psy.D is basically the same, but in my experience it has been different. (just from my own experience)
I'm not sure if we ever get "over" the abuse. For me, it was more helpful LONG TERM to give myself a break...to TRY and look at it from the point of view, that I am a human being...I am not "magical"...I'm not psychologically set up to "get over" things that have caused me extreme stress, emotional pain, depression, etc. ...I'm only human, and as long as I'm doing my best for MYSELF to at least TRY to LEARN more about ME...not to "get better"....because eventually I will get better...but for now..to simply recognize that it's a journey in and of itself to see myself as a worthwhile human that is CAPABLE of seeing some potential in myself to enhance my OWN well being...and perhaps someday...some happiness will rise up in me. It's the hope of being able to ONE DAY be able to say "GOODBYE MR. ANXIETY"..."HELLO PEACE OF MIND".
So until that happens for you, keep working on finding "support" whether it's in college classes, group therapy (DBT), individual therapy (which is sort of a "must"), help self books, online, or community activities..although the anti-social behavior can get in the way a lot (or it did for my at least). No matter how much time it takes, YOU are worth the time it takes...to feel okay...and at times...great!