[conklinca]

I think of every man in sexual terms, and it is a huge barrier to forming normal working relationships with people. Any man I meet for the first time is a threatening penis. Any male family member who tries to hug me is also a threatening penis, because that feels incestuous. Any man I like who gets physically near me is one I must avoid, because he is a penis who wants me, and as a married woman, I cannot afford to respond to this. I know this is all crazy, yet I cannot get past thinking about men's penises when I am in any sort of interpersonal contact with them What can I do?

[soscared]

Hello
I am wondering if you have seen a therapist, for this?
It sound like you have been through a lot of abuse in your past, and working through this can help.
i am not sure what else to say right now, but keep posting o-kay.

[conklinca]

I've seen therapists over sex issues for years. Most focused on keeping me from putting myself in positions to be revictimized; when I interact with guys, things HAPPEN to me. If I'm alone with any guy long enough, he WILL come on to me, I WILL shut down, and he WILL have sex with me. For example, I have an ex who was really upset after a sex incident where I cried the whole way through, and he was shook up about how he never thought he was capable of something like that.... and he's not the only one. These are guys who's never thought of doing stuff like this to anyone--and then they met me. So in a sense, I guess I have a right to think about all guys in terms of sexuality, because they are all thinking about getting with me. I know that must make me the most conceited person ever, but that's the thought process....

[Sam]

Hi conklinca,

Perhaps it would have been best if I had not replied to your post, but, I think, you come across to me as someone that is a nice caring person in pain and that makes me want to help you in whatever way I can.

I really don't knpw if anything I say will be helpful, but it does come from the heart. I know, men can be such jerks, but not all men. Some of us are really good people. Good and bad, well, they come in both sexes.

I guess it is normal in a way, for one to look at the other, it doesn't take long for one sex to know how the other looks and all that. Especially when one has been taken advantage of.

I went thru a time I couldn't help but think what a girl looked like without clothing (ok, this was when I first learned their was a difference) but I moved on. I still, notice them, but I think that is normal (or so I hope). But, I don't want to have sex with them just because I am attracted to them. She would have to mean something special to me and it would also have to be a feeling she shared.

I hope you find some answers, or better still, a way of resolving this.

Sam

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."

[conklinca]

Thank you for responding, Sam. Male perspectives are something I know I need in order to help reduce the stereotypes I struggle with.

[lost_as_always]

maybe you could carry some mace with you. like in your purse, now i dont say this so you can mace this guy and make him cry evertime you see him. but i get the impression that you are scared by men cuz you feel helpless , well some guys are big and scarey, maybe something like mace might help you just to know if he gets out of line he'll cry about it. i dont know if this will help, but it might give you some little comfort while around males. other than that good luck.

when my ship ran out of fuel i burned the things that made it pretty when i ran out of that i burned the things i loved when i ran out of that i burned willpower to keep me moving. its not a pretty ship but it still moves.