[idontknow]

I was involved in a relationship for almost 2 years. It just ended and I am not dealing with it well at all. She was a menipulative, violent and controlling woman when she became angry but when she wasn't she was the sweetest woman alive. When we met she was a lay-minister at her church. I had been dealing with issues and she was a great support. She lead me in the right direction and it was great. After a dating off and on for almost year we moved in together and moved an hour away. Sex was the biggest thing she wanted. But she began to scare me. She would assume that I was messing around and there were arguements. I drank alot and began cutting it down. Funny thing is that when I drank she would get violent and angry. She knew I drank when we met and I was drinking much more then. Everyday. Towards the end of our relationship I was only drinking a beer a week. But nothing was ever good enough for her. When no one else helped her I was always there for her. In the end I look back and all of my most important material things have been destroyed. Computer, digital camera, cloths, coffee table, etc. She once drove my car 85 mph down the street screaming "I'm gonna tear this MF up!" She has done some very painful things to me and always assumes something is wrong. She looks for wrong and then entertains assumptions. I know your asking why did I stay. When she was not angry, she was the most Loving woman alive. She's a giver. When she would break things she would replace them. or at least she did most of them. She was all I had and we were trying to get married. But then she would demand attention and when I didn't give it because I was scared to move closer she would become more angerfilled. In the last few weeks of the relationship she was screaming at the top of her lungs, "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!!" Over and over, I laughed it off and teased her about it until she started laughing. Then she began cheating on me. The first guy she met online and went to meet him 2 1/2 hours away. She said he forced her into having sex. Not exactly rape but she said she just gave in. Then the second guy she started going to see him on the weekends and ended up coming home with hickies on her neck and telling me how good it was. I was helpless and couldn't do much. I have always been a hard worker and during the year that we lived together I had 5 jobs. She would demand attention while I was working and threaten arguements when I got home if I didn't give it to her. I would tell her, I don't want to loose my job so I can't respond to your email right now. And she would go through the roof!! I would loose jobs just trying to keep home together. And when I would tell her about her anger, she would say, "well don't piss me off then!" Something is wrong with me. I stayed with her through thick and thin. Now that she is gone I miss her so much. I know I have some issues even some anger issues, but she is beyond understandable. Then a month after throwing me out she sends me an email and tells me she knows that I am her husband and that I am all she thinks about etc. I know that I am mentally unstable right now and in need of help. I've started going back t church, and that helps but I need more and its difficult not to talk to her. The scary thing is that I still believe that we are supposed to be together. My whole life is upside down now.... Please help.....

[heidu]

Idon'tknow,
Well I don't know really what to say here. It sounds like your relationship was really destructive and unhealthy. Even if she was the most kind loving woman when she wanted to be she was abusive to you. There is no reason to have to live in fear of someone elses anger or under someone elses control.

Do you think maybe it wasn't so much her but the idea of her that keeps you hanging on? It may be true that should could be good to you but she also chose to be really mean and hurtful. Unless she sees she has a problem and wants to get help things will not change.

It sounds like you are having your own issues too. It's a good idea to come here and talk to us and try to find some help and support. It also would be a really good idea to see a counselor or someone that could give you some guidance and support. Maybe you could talk to your pastor or someone you trust at church.
Wish you the best. Please take care of yourself.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[ltlredvett]

idontknow...

Reading your story reminded me a LOT of my second marriage. I was married to a woman eight years younger than I that I was so smitten with. She was feminine, very loving, funny and sensual...I was head over heels for her.

After we married things began unraveling very, very quickly. Like the woman you were in a relationship with she became manipulative, controlling and had sudden outburst of extreme irrational anger. She loved to create "major drama" when there was no need for it. She left me twice without saying a word (came home to find all her things moved out), she issued an order of protection against me for no reason, sent the police to my ex wife's home regarding an innocent letter my son had sent to her, etc., etc., etc. It was a living hell. After much research I had decided that she had borderline personality disorder. Admittedly I am not a mental health professional, but she fit the description of a borderline to a tee. And, the therapist I saw after the nightmare agreed with this given everything I told her. The weirdest thing is that her casual friends and acquaintances thought she was the sweetest woman going. Yet, she was also the meanest most vile person you would ever want to meet. She would constantly talk about "respect" and "honorability" both never demonstrate either. She constantly had to talk about how "nice" she was (my therapist told me that people that have to go out of their way to say how nice they are probably are not).

It sounds like the woman you were in a relationship with could be borderline as well. Behaviors that fit with borderlines include: 1) always looking for something that is wrong rather than focusing on was is right, 2) sudden aggressive and violent behavior, 3) excessive interest in sex, 4) risky behavior - like the sexual excursions she went on, or driving at 85 mph....

Again, she may very well not be borderline that diagnosis can only be confirmed by having her evaluated by a mental health professional. But there are enough symptoms there that she should seek out treatment immediately. And, my suggestion to you is to keep your distance from her until she gets some help. If she is borderline, a borderline can entrap you in their web of deception and drama and ruin your life. That is what happened to me.

It is time for you to take a step back and focus on yourself right now!! Get help immediately if you have not already done so. The fallout from being with a borderline can devastate you.

[jac]

idontknow,

I think that your ex may have some emotional issues if not also personality disorder. I am bipolar and have sometimes acted in a manner that is not at all myself. The bipolar part of me thinks one day that I am the best thing that has ever happened to my husband(2nd husband) and the next day I worry that I am not good enough for him and that he wants to find someone else. That may also be a confidence thing or even an insecurity. My ex husband was very emotionally destructive too. He would tell me that no man would ever want me because of the four children I have(3 happen to be his!).
Because of the other forms of torment he had put me through I also have flashbacks. I sometimes live past events over and react the way I would've reacted when with him. I normally don't remember anything that I said and act like nothing has happened. If she knows what she is doing and can't stop then I think there may be a different issue.
If you truly believe that you two are meant to be together then I suggest you let her go. If she truly loves you she will come back. You deserve to be loved with heart and soul and if she cannot provide this for you then it is not meant to be.

Would she be open to some couples counseling? You both may find out things that will open your eyes to each other (that was a positive thing so don't take that the wrong way!).

I wish you well and I hope you get everything that each and everyone of us deserves--someone who will love and respect you till death do you two part!

jac

[idontknow]

First I wouldlike to thank all of you for responding. And please continue to do so. And I think that most of you have a good understanding as to what was going on. heidu -- you said something powerful. Am I in t Love with the idea of being with her? that is a good question. My biggest problems with her were
1. Bursts of anger - throwing fits like a child when ever or where ever we were. Then she would say that it is not her, meaning like her in order to blame me for her actions.
2. Blaming --- I blamed her a bit much also but everything was my fault in the end.
3. feeling bad for no reason -- I noticed in reading some of her old journal before I left that she has had similar situations where she would get angry or disappointed about certain things because she didn't recieve the attention that another man was giving his wife at a gathering.
4. Sex - I adored making Love to her but because fearful of getting too close and our sex life slowed greatly. She scared me a couple times with sudden bursts of anger again screaming and crying "I need it I need it" for sex. I don't beleive she is a nympho but she scared me. Also the fact that she has anger outbursts made me not want to make love.

I talk to her again today. She has been feeling very guilty about what she's done and keeps saying she wants to get her life right with God. As you know she was a lay-minister at her church when we met. She explained to me again that she is fearful of me because of what she did and how wrong she was. She even stated that she wished that she could make things right again. She even admitted to blaming me for too many things. She says she wants me but she has to get her life right with God again first. In some ways she says she just wants to say good bye but I don't think she really can. She says I really miss you. And all these things. But then again she says she is still upset with me. My life went straight down hill with her because of the controlling ways. But I am trying to peice things together. She has finally seen the guys true colors that she met online and is realizing more and more what she has done. I beleive he has moved on and she began calling him things like a womanizer and even told me she trusts me more than she does his. But she won't explain. I think its out of embarassment. Movin back to Detroit was a bad move for her. She comes from an anger filled family and is now staying with her sister and her sisters boyfriend. One of her brothers was shot and killed at age 19 for trying to rob a Taxi cab driver with a fake gun. She has several family members who are dead due to drug use. Her mother died when she was 4 years old over drugs. She has a 16 year old cousin who hasn't been to school in 3 years. And another cousin who broke the windows on their grand mothers house. It was crazy. But she is the kind of woman you can work with, go to school with, etc for years and think she is the most peaceful and sweetest woman alive. No one in her family is that sweet. But she is very Naive and she knows it so she is affraid of people especially men that take advantage of her. At this point it is still very difficult for me to let go because of that sweet woman that I know and Loved so dearly. Thats the woman I fell in Love with. She says she is not going to get help because she does not have the money. But when she was going she would go for help in our relationship. She would tell the counselor she was unhappy with me because I did everything wrong and it made her miserable. The counsellors would say then leave the relationship. But yes that makes sense. So now that there is no one else in her life she wants to go back to God. And beleives God will take care of everything. I beleive in God also but if I know I am ill I will go see a doctor, thats why God put them here. I guess I really do Love her but I cannot accept all of her.

[heidu]

Idontknow,
I understand what you are saying more than you know. It isn't surprising if she comes from a backround of drug abuse and addiction that she wasn't given what she needed to get thru life. She may react out in anger because that is the only way she knows. It's amazing how much of what we grow up with stays with us and can be engrained into our very being.

I believe that no matter our childhoods or how we are now, we have the ability to make a change and become a better person. We can't always forget everything that happens to us and we can't always break every cycle but we can try. We can gain some control over those instant responses and learn ways to deal with things better.

I have done alot of work on my childhood issues myself but I also have been to counseling. It was the combination of getting and accepting the help along with my own desire to change and putting hard work into it.

If you see good, wonderful things in her I understand why you want to be with her. She has problems and she can work thru them. The only real problem would then be her willingness to get help and make it work. If she realizes that something is wrong and is willing to work on it then you could be a wonderful support for her and together as she grows your relationship can grow.

However, and it's a big however, if she isn't willing to get that help then things will never change and ...well you know what it is like already.

If she wants to get closer to God again than that is a good thing. Faith can give people a foundation and peace. IT also gives them something to be accountable to. You are right though. When people have serious problems than a good doctor can be a great help. Again the combination of God and a Doctor can make a big difference for someone.

I am going thru a simular situation that is not because of the anger but because I know that things with my husband will not get better until he is willing to seek guidance on how to do things differently. He isn't using anger like your GF but there was a time. We have worked thru alot of that but some of the resentment still lingers.

If you love her and want to be with her than I suggest that you talk to her and see if she wouldn't go to counseling. If not, then you may just have to move on. It will only hurt you in the end and tear you apart. She has to be willing to put your relationship and you, your feelings, needs, wants, etc, as a priority in the relationship. She obviously needs help doing that.

Ahh...long post....
Wish you the best,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[idontknow]

This is exactly what I was telling her but she will not listen. She has had a brand new attitude ever since I helped her with a down payment on a new truck she wanted back in May. Thats when she began seeking out other men. Well she did once before but she didn't go see the guy but she did give him the number to our house. He never called but still. Today she told me that the guy she dumped me over she found out he already has a woman and they are not talking anymore. She said she trusts me more than she does him. But I am beginning to believe that she doesn't want help and she is going to continue to want what she wants. Now she hates all men again because she can't trust "us". I wrote her an email today about her anger and told her that if she wanted to get counselling for it I would be willing to help her. She thinks she is just the greatest "Black Queen" on this earth now! She sent me 2 very wild emails. Here is one below. She is using the email to manipulate herself into believing that her anger is OK.

--------------------------------------------------------

I have been getting e-mail to this club for sometime now. I thought I
would send it to you.

angertoolbox] The A.N.G.E.R. S.M.A.R.T. Club can help you STOP
10/18/2003 11:24 PM ANGER from
destroying your life
Please respond to
angertoolbox-owner
FACT: Anger is a normal, healthy emotion.

FACT: Anger is designed to help us solve problems.

FACT: Anger is the leading cause of problems in relationships and
careers.

How can all three of these things be true at the same time. Because
how we manage anger or choose to express it is the problem, not anger
itself.

Here's another FACT: You can't stop anger!

It's true. Anger is programmed into our biological hardwiring and
serves a useful purpose in our lives. To stop being angry would be
counter to our existence and our ability to survive the challenges of
everyday life.

Everyone gets angry! Stopping anger, in our lives, isn't even
possible or the healthiest choice for you and me. So what's the
answer? Learning to use anger in the way it was intended to be used
and making it our servant rather than being controlled by it.

Most people use anger in a destructive versus a constructive manner.
They CHOOSE to retaliate and defend themselves instead of using it's
energy to find a resolution to life's problems.

Take the cycle of grief and loss as an example. When we lose
something or someone important to us we go through predictable stages
of shock, sadness, fear, and anger. Anger allows us to re-energize
our life, make important life changes, and go against some pretty
tough life situations.

Imagine driving up a steep hill in neutral. It wouldn't happen. You
might even go backwards To get up the hill, you need POWER! Anger
is a powerful energy and can be used to overcome some big hills in
your life.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

[heidu]

Her email response shows you exactly where she is at. She doesn't see anger as destructive she sees it as a tool to get what you want. Not a very healthy way to look at it.
She is right, anger is a part of us all and it does serve a purpose but she also said "Because how we manage anger or choose to express it is the problem, not anger itself."

I believe that is correct but she isn't seeing the real meaning behind the statement. She doesn't see a problem with how she uses or expresses her anger. Again, it's a tool for her to get what she wants and IT WORKS!!! Why should she change. She won't until she sees that the way she is using and expressing anger is destructive and hurts people.

I feel bad for you because I know that you want to help her and you care about her. The thing is she has to see some of it in herself first to even begin a change. I don't see that she is anywhere near that.

I hope you will think about what is best for you right now. She needs help but I don't know that you are the one to give it. She will only take your spirit and destroy your life. You don't deserve that.
Hugs,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[idontknow]

Yesterday she and I had a long talk. I asked her to com see me. She said she wouldn't promise anything but we set up a time. i live an hour away. she said she would call to confirm by morning. Well after that my best friend I went out later on last night. he pretty much cursed me out about her. He said that I am definately not the same person as I was. And I am not. I have gone way down and feel drained. I ended up drinking alot the day after Sweetest day (a michigan holiday like Valentines day) and I got caught driving while drunk. This is my 2nd offense. So now i'm in trouble for allowing myself to think about her drinking because of my depressed state and getting behind the wheel of a car. Well, my friend told me that I gave her my soul. Well almost. I should've never done that but she fought for it. I should've never gave in. Now i'm in trouble. And guess what, she isn't going to be there when I have to go to court and suffer through this. Well needless to say she called this morning crying. She told me she spoke with her sister and her sister told her that she didn't see anything wrong with her coming to visit but to be careful. Finally she told me that she was not coming. She asked if I was mad and I told her no and not to expect me to beg her to come either. She said she's not expecting that. After that I told her about my long talk with my friend she said well he tried to hit on me! I said it really doesn't matter because i gave you my everything and I shouldn't have. She said your not supposed to. then she started trying to argue i told her that I wasn't going to. So she ended up hanging up. She called back and I told her not to call again. She started cryingand we hung up. I am really hurt about it right now but I'm not going to drink again over her. I've had enough. But i don't know how to let go. Today we were supposed to pick up my son and spend a few hours together talking. So I ended up doing it myself. She always told him to call her Nanni. And after all this started he started talking. She's never heard him even say Daddy. I took some photo's with my digital camera like I always do and I took some short video shots of him saying "Hi Nanni". When I told him to say it, he kissed the camera after saying it. Whew! I thought that was strange. But i emailed it to her. In the email I wrote I told her that I know she isn't scared of me. she just wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And that i could not understand how she could say I am the Love of her life but she doesn't want me to call her at home. and the other guy is still calling and she is still calling him. They are not seeing eachother any longer as far as i know because he has a girlfriend. But still. I am going to miss the woman I fell in Love with but she is nolonger that woman. It is so hard to let go. I don't know how to but I cannot drink over this.

[heidu]

"I am going to miss the woman I fell in Love with but she is nolonger that woman."

I have a brother like that. He is my brother and I love him but he isn't my brother anymore, not the one I loved so I had to let him go. It isn't always easy but sometimes certain people cause us harm and we don't need or deserve that.

I won't lecture you about drinking and driving becuase you already know the effects of that. It has had a profound affect on my life so I feel very strongly. My ex had two Offenses. My father got in an accident and almost killed himself when I was 17 and my young cousin (21) was killed cause he and his buddy thought it was ok to take an afternoon drive when they were drunk. His friend, the driver liived but I know he wished he had died.

It's not good to drink to cover up, hide, forget or bury emotions and pain. All you are left with is a hangover which just makes your feelings worse. Oh, and more trouble like a DUI. If you find that you have a hard time not drinking then it might be a good idea to call your local AA (alcoholics anonymus, listed in the phone book) and get some help and support. They are good people who are struggling with life just like the rest of us. You learn alot about yourself, you find ways to cope instead of drinking and you have a support system of people who care and understand.

Maybe you don't need this info, I don't know you well enough but I wanted to give you the info just in case it could be helpful.

I hope you hang out with your friends and try to get back to the guy you were before. She will move on too.
Best,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[Gez]

Hi,

I dont post much but your post really touched me.

I'm really sorry you're going through so much pain. When you love as deeply as you do, you will do everything in your power to try and make things right and to hold on to that person. I have to say that she doesn't deserve your love, but that wont make you feel any better will it? Keep posting here to release all your pain, we will try and be here for you and help you all we can.

I hope you're feeling better today.

Gez

[idontknow]

Thank you Gez. I really appreciate your support. This week was really wierd. She keeps saying that she doesn't want this guy and she really wants to be with me. She wants me but she doesn't her actions don't. She told me she knows she has a problem and she wants to get help. But she won't be able until January. She also says that she cannot let him go right now. She won't tell me why but promises that they have no intrest in eachother other than friendship. They are supposed to be like brother and sister now. Her excuse. "Well my brother and I are not as close as we used to be." HUH?? Is she crazy! I don't believe they are still having sex. And the relationship is a friendship. I just believe that oshe wants him, knows she can't have him, and is holding onto me now. Because she doesn't want to end up alone. Her greatest fear. She has told me she wants us to get married June 25th 2005. But for now she won't let him go. When I ask why not she says I can't tell you. I asked "are you living with him?" she said I can't tell you, "do you work with him?" She said I can't tell you. She just won't tell me anything. Another ploit to have her cake and eat it too. Then called me selfish because I wanted to see her. She promised to come see me today. Ofcourse she didn't make it. And came up with an excuse. My grandmother said I shouldn't go. It's not time yet. Then says maybe tomorrow. I have to go to court over the DUI on monday. I have not been drinking since I was charged. Thats good. Then she says that t.his time away is for her to get closer to her family. It But looks like shes just ing closer to him. When I asked her "If you really want to be with me why would you spend your time with him?" She says, "I can't tell you, you might get mad and come up to Detroit. But I will tell you. One day." Menipulation. I am still hurting....

[Gez]

Hi again,

Do you mind if I am completely honest?

Your girlfriend is going to drive you crazy with this situation and you're going to go around and around in circles. She seems to be very much in control of the situation, but, you have to be strong and take control yourself now. I know you want to hang on to the relationship and trust me, I know how that feels, I've been through something similiar myself and its the most painful thing. You're in a kind of "limbo" and the not knowing where you stand with the relationship is clearly agonising for you. I would end the relationship and start the grieving process (easier said than done, and I know how painful this is) but we will be here for you if you need us. Write every day if you need to but please break this destructive pattern, you dont deserve it. Love and happiness is what you should be aiming for and you're not finding it with this person are you?

We will be here ok?

Gez

Gez

[idontknow]

Thanks Gez. I believe you are right. I have decided to leave her alone. No it won't be easy. But here is what happened over the past week and a half. First I created an account of a fake woman and got in contact with the guy she cheated on me with. Ofcourse I used a photo of a female friend of mine who is very attractive in order to get his attention. Well it worked. He told me that he has a female friend who he met and they are like brother and siser. He also said she lives in his city and he was not attracted to her in terms of a relationship. I found out some good info and then discontinued the conversation. She finally came to visit me on Sunday. She had been promising over and over that she would come. When she came she pushed sex on me starting with oral sex and telling me, "I want to make this up to you." Then told me later, "I know for sure now that you are my husband". Well I put hickies on her neck, not on purpose but I did. Later I created an account with a guy using a fake picture and contacted her. Well, She responded. She was caught. She stated that she did live in his city. Then she called me. Apologizing and telling me how wrong I was for doing that. I told her I had found out what I needed t o. Then she gave me all the info assuming that I already knew. She moved in with him. They signed a lease together. He is seeing other women also. So the way I see it is they have some kind of open relationship. She wants him. But she is still in Love with me. They are gonna fight and fuss and it will end much worse than she and I. I know it. They have already had some. I am letting her go. I don't want to share her. And I am giving too much of myself and my life away to this. It hurts. Yes. But she is a very needy woman for attention. I have given too much. I am going to work on me. But I will continue to stay on the board for support. Thanks to all of you.

[Willow]

idontknow... I am astounded at the amount of health you are showing in being able to move on and let this woman go. It takes a lot of strength to be able to do that. She may play mind games with you. Don't lose your resolve. You are doing the right thing!

[idontknow]

I am still hurting badly. She emailed me 2 days ago stating, "Just focus on you right now. I think it's best if you just let me go. I am not who you want or need right now. Please let me go." Then my sons mother lost her unborn child which was not mine. I sent her an email telling her the baby died. I also stated that she did not have to email me back. She emailed me back with remorse for the situation. And at the end of the email she asked if I was home. She wants to call me obviously. I did not respond. Then she forwarded information to me about DUI's today. I still have not made the effort to email her back. I don't know whats next for me in life. I still miss being in our apt. Someone else lives there now I am sure. But still. I miss her. I just imagine everytime I think about her, the fact that she comes home to him everyday now. I know she wants him or she wouldn't be there. But he has her mind. I am sure that she hates it when she sees him with other women. Then again she feels guilty so she is probably going to just give him what ever he wants and allow him to destroy her. Then again she is well on her way by herself. I'm scared of going to court now. My DUI may cause me to do that. And then I know I will loose my car. Through it all I feel like I have lost everything. But she wanted to destroy me. If I didn't give her what she wanted she would try to destroy what ever I cared about. She demanded attention. I wonder if she is just going to get worse? She says she's gonna go get help in January. I wander if this guy can actually handle dealing with her that long. In someways I still do want her. I know I was in Love and still am. But I can't accept being with a woman like that. And allowing the pain to control my life. Actually I don't think he can handle dealing with her that long.

[Gez]

Hang in there. Its a very painful and confusing time for you, but we're here to listen and give you support if we can.

Gez

Gez

[conklinca]

I see a lot of myself in your description of your wife, and so admit I am somewhat subjective, but I hope an alternate perspective may be of value nonetheless:

From your initial post, I gather that your partner is naturally very caring but has a personality disorder that does not allow her to handle frustration. She regrets all she does to hurt you, is turning to God for help, and yet is incapable of changing NOW, which is what any loving partner obviously wishes could happen. But it can't. If you can't live with this reality, then for both your sakes, you need to let her go.

HOWEVER...

Just because your partner has issues that are tough for you doesn't mean you should abandon her until she becomes the "perfect" mate. There is no perfect partner; every person has issues you won't want to live with.

If you do want to continue a relationship with her, perhaps you could get help to learn not to take what she says and does personally, because while you seem upset at how negative she is, you are focusing mostly on her negative aspects, too, which is only feeding her problem and helps neither of you.

If it is any encouragement--through the support of my husband, I have gotten through a lot of my issues. I am still working on many, and I know I still hurt him sometimes, but overall, I think we have a stronger relationship than most people. Not all guys can handle these kind of stresses, but if you and your love are strong enough and if she's willing to work on them, then I wouldn't say you'd have to necessarily leave her.

Good luck as you figure it all out!

[Sam]

Hello idontknow and welcome.

I have some strong things to say concerning the situation you are in so I hope I don't offend you or anyone else.

First, I am above all, one of the first people that would tell a person to try and resolve all issues with their mate, but not this time.

I am sure she has some pretty tough issues she needs to work out and I'm just as sure she needs professional help. I sure hope she gets it for her sake.

But the advice I'm going to give you is simple .... GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

You need to look after yourself and there is no winning here. You deserve happiness, honesty and love and much, much more - and you're not getting anything.

It's one thing for a mate to be sick, to be ill, but it's another for one to abuse another and cheat and lie and so on and on ... Lots of people take that sort of thing everyday, but not this old boy.

I went throgh a lot of stuff like that with my exwife so I know where you're at. We never spoke of divorce, no not once, in our marraige until that last day. I had simply woke up and said enough. I took a shower, dressed and waited for her to get up. When she did, I simply told her she needed to take a shower and to get dressed because we WERE going to town.

She asked what for, and I simply stated to see an attorney, and afterward she could go her way and I would go mine. If that makes me sound harsh - I'm sorry, but this old boy only takes so much.

Love is about bonding together, about sharing one's soul, about building something together. What you've spoken of is abuse anyway you look at it.

If it were me, I'd never call her anything - BUT GONE!

I hope you nothing but the best. Let us know how you're doing.

Sam

"You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try."