when trauma and memories start to surface

for those of you that had few memories of trauma or abuse.....when things started to surface how did it feel? i always expected a "light bulb" moment where a picture/flashback would happen and id see everything and it would be concrete and proof. that hasnt happened. everything is so vague.

right now it feels like all these bottled up feelings are starting to surface and i dont know if thats the "trauma" starting to seep out my pores? at any given time for no apparent reason and at no one in particular im angry, sad, rebellious, overwhelmed, agitated, frustrated, i could cry, i could puke. etc etc....it feels very much like im trying to fight but im being held down...like i have all this "stuff" and i cant get it out. i could just start swinging and throwing punches but im sitting completely still at work.

what could this mean?

I'm sorry, struggling, that you're having to go through this right now. I guess for me when it happened the biggest thing I felt was that I was angry with myself for remembering again. And unfortunately, for me, everything was too vivid. I went through a period of questioning whether it happened. I hope you can talk to someone about it or write how you feel, it's so hard to be stuck with such emotions.

I don't know. I know that I have some memories that are clear but most are either gone or buried. It could be past abuse issues popping up, but it could also be something more recent going on in your life. I know I have to sit and try to figure out why I'm feeling what I am.

((struggling2))

My tendency has been to repress. Whenever a little memory popped into my head, I'd immediately go into a panic state of mind. I would also become furious with myself for not being able to control my fear. Up until this past year or so, I would not allow myself to think about why I was so scared. I just wanted to stop the emotions!

Things are now coming back to me, bit by bit. It hasn't been a wave of horrible memories engulfing me, thank goodness! Instead, I have short memories. Images and feelings (physical and emotional), some words that were said, some noises and smells during ~ but not all at once. I hope that what I'm saying is making sense to you. Some instances of SA, EA, and PA are easier to deal with than others. Those memories are more complete than the others.

When I read Dave pelzer books I felt this way. I prayed and meditated and felt better........I realised I had these feelings bottled up so thats why.We need to release it...tell oyrselves we are now safe! very safe! we are, you do know that right?

my memories have popped up in bits and pieces. it's frustrating, because i'd just like to be done already, but i am also glad that i didn't get flooded with everything at once.
maybe your mind is slowly giving you what it thinks you can handle?

I get an eerie feeling of dread that I can't describe. It comes in pieces but their is still a lot I can't remember. Maybe I don't wanna remember,I don't know.

It sounds like your memories are starting to reveal themselves in incomplete "pictures" so to speak and the results, or lack of a bigger "picture", is causing you to feel negatively..
You spoke about feelings of anger, frustration and agigtation at unexplained random moments but what feelings are you experiencing when you directly recall any memories?

Hypnotism is often a good tool for recalling past events that our subconcious has hidden due to trauma. If you are prepared to find out about your past it may be worth investigating- but please ensure you are prepared and have a good network of support to help aftewards.

(((hugs)))