[Han1]

I'm just wondering if the way I am is a product of experience or if I'm supposed to mess up so much in life. I doubt now that I'll ever amount to much. I desperately wanted to make something of my life.
I had so much promise, but I keep ruining things for myself.

My mum is an utter washout now and I'm so scared that I'm turning into her.
Hopeless, a 'victim'...

I just want to scream.

None of this can be blamed on my past. I can't link the way I'm feeling now to that. It's been too long. I've grown up. Ive dealt with it.

I'm struggling.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Han1

I'm just wondering if the way I am is a product of experience or if I'm supposed to mess up so much in life.

Of course we are a product of our experiences! When we are born we know nothing and only have some reflexes and our innate personality.

Have you ever noticed how a baby looks at things. They are trying to figure things out.

If we are put into warm and nurturing environments, where our needs are met, we develop very nicely.

If we are put in dysfunctional families, this is what we learn - dysfunction.

We can learn to be healthy, however, at any time. We also have to unlearn the dysfunction.

Originally Posted by Han1

None of this can be blamed on my past. I can't link the way I'm feeling now to that. It's been too long. I've grown up. Ive dealt with it.

But have you worked through your past? I healed by taking a behavior today that I didn't like and traced it back to figure out how I developed it. Knowing the source unlinks the behavior. Then you have to learn a healthier way.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Wd are a product of our environment whether we learned the behavior by someone or learned what behavior we did not want. If there is a behavior you do not like you can always change it, you just have to find the root of the problem and change it, if you have a t they can really helpo you get through this and teach you better ways to cope. Dont lose hope, we can always change, thats what we do

[Leed]

Children definitely learn what they live. And if they live that way for a long time, they'll continue that way into adulthood. Once we learn that it's not acceptable, we can change it. It might be hard, but it can be done with help. That's what therapy is for, obviously .

We can change at ANY time. Some people unfortunately wait until they're in their 40's or 50's to change, but it can be done ANYTIME. That's the miracle of the human being. We're not made of stone

[Purple Heart]

Hi

It's not good to say to yourself that you will ever amount to much. That is very self-defeating and will get you more depressed. Do you see a therapist? Often if we were abused as children we are afffected today by those experiences by turning to drugs, alcohol, gambling, violence and crime. Unless we find the reasons for how we are as adults we're destined to repeat that behaviour that was done to us as children. Awareness and courage are the keys to overcoming problems of the past.

[athena.agathon]

Have you dealt with it though? I say this all the time to my therapist---"I should be fine, I should be over this by now!" Blah blah blah. He seems to think it's kind of cute/funny, because I'm 25 and he has clients in their 50s/60s going through the same kind of thing.

Nobody is "supposed" to mess up in life. And the way you are is definitely a product of experience. Nobody is born broken. You get that way through experience. Hopelessness is normal reaction to bad things happening repeatedly, but you don't have to feel that way forever. You aren't destined to be like your mom.

[Han1]

Thanks - this all means a lot.
I know I'm never going I be what she was.
I'm just scared that I've become what she is now. Broken, weak, a 'victim', attention seeking...

I've definitely connected the way I feel to things that have happened before, but that's not the case now. Maybe I've not 'dealt' with it, but I'm no longer hanging onto it.
Does that make sense???

I'm going to the doctors to start the whole referral process again. It's been about a year since any contact with doctors/a mhs.

I've always only ever been offered cbt, which has been great, but it's never touched on my past. Just the here and now.

How do I go about something a bit more in depth? Is that available on the nhs???

Xx

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Han1

How do I go about something a bit more in depth? Is that available on the nhs???

You will have to ask the nhs.

[Han1]

I went to my new doctors - I didn't even have to ask this time around. I wrote out two lists - one of how I'm feeling at the moment and one with my past contributing history.

I'm being referred for something more substantial, am back on the fluxotine and I'm going back to see her in two weeks to see how things are.

I'm a mix of relief and worry at the moment. Relief that she automatically said that a short program of cbt won't cut it and worry that i'm not 'sick' enough for the people who will contact me for my referral.

We'll see i guess.

I'm in a strange place at the moment. I feel like a deer in headlights....

Hope you're all ok xx

[Sannah]

Good work! It will be okay. I know how this stuff can make you anxious. Keep coming here so we can support you, okay.

[Han1]

cheers
a friend passed away yesterday. definitely puts life into perspective.
feeling for his family...