What to do when you see your abuser?

So...I was walking through the town I live in, the other day...and a car stopped in the middle of the street I was walking on. I looked at the driver and it was the person who was sexually abusing me when I was little.. I automatically froze, and he was just staring at me. I couldn't move or say anything. Then he started laughing and drove off. It stood there for a few more minutes, then I walked home. I haven't even set foot outside of my house since then... Ever since I saw him my depression has worsened, and i've just been falling apart. What am I supposed to do? :/

This must have been horrible for you. I don't know what to tell you to do. My case is different from yours. I saw the man who repeatedly raped me, up close and personal. As much as I hated what he did to me ill words to him would not have helped change what happened then. I was going to be in the same vicinity as him for some time. We both had kids and were in a parent association. I could not avoid him and let that avoidance affect the care my children got from there school. I stayed my distance, freaked out emotionally inside, but I saw how he played with his wife's special needs children and he was capable of love. He was human. I will never forget what he did to me, but just maybe he never mint for things to get so out of control way back then. This is just how I see my situation. I don't know if that is a correct analysis or what I need to tell myself to keep myself emotionally safe. Reguardless it works for me.

Again I am so sorry this is happening to you. Do you want to press charges. Could you contact this person via mail and tell them what they did to you and how it affected you all this time. Definitely talk to a T. You need help with these series of events and the emotional events that are to follow.

Sorry this happened to you. I faced my abuser last week too I felt nothing but anger it was the first time I had seen him in 10 years (my brother) It was at mums funeral

TT are you going to go to that mental health center?

Yeah. I'm going to talk to my parents this week, and work it out so that I can go get help.

((((Ticli)))))) I'm so sorry you went through that. How awful. If I were there I would kick his a55 for you I guess you could say I have a little bit of anger right now.

I saw my abuser 2x outside of the window of the abuse period. I was CSA from the age of 5 -7 by a neighbor. We then moved and I saw him when I was 13 and another time when I was 17 (My mom was friends with his mom so when I was 13 the moms were in the room and the second time it was at a friend of a friends house and he asked me if I remembered how we used to 'play together' . Both times I thought I was going to throw up.
I hadn't seen him since.

Two days ago I found out where he lived, what his prison record looked like and that he died last year. I decided to take action and actually find him this past week. I have a lot of emotions swirling around....

Not that your asking for advice but in my situation I wish I found him sooner so I could confront him.

I wish that I could actually confront the person who did those things to me, but the way he just laughed and smiled at me, after not seeing me for a long time....it just sickened me. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing that, again. And it doesn't help much being that he has NO reason to be in the same town as I am. He had no reason to be here. And ever since the day I saw him, there has been someone outside of my house every night since then...

How can you know this?

Did you tell your parents?

((((Ticli)))) Have you ever told anyone about what he did to you? Has he ever been arrested for the crime he committed against you? Have you thought about reporting him? Also if you think he's outside your home every night I would seriously consider reporting him to the police. Also write down the vehicle description that you saw during the day. - does it match up with the car that's parked outside your house at night?

Sorry for all the questions. I certainly don't wan't you to take action if you aren't comfortable. My blood is boiling for your situation right now.

((((Ticli))))xx

tic, i know how triggering this can be. if you're willing you can request a protection order-he will be served with it- so that he must stay X number yards from you and cannot approach you at all. (you will need his address for the server however. google him.) this includes stalking. if he's on the sexual predator list in your state you've got loads of validity. i don't know your age but you do have options. glad u're goin' to talk with your parents. you need their emotional support.
one time this happened to me when it didn't justify my reporting it to authorities. we were both at a four way stop. i just looked straight ahead. i ignored him completely. the abuser gets off on seeing us fearful. not giving him that satisfaction empowers you. he's the coward tho it may not feel so.
i do feel he sounds like he's taunting you. and stalking. you have every right to go on about your life. staying inside gives him the power. try to have someone with you when you go out. a friend perhaps. abusers don't like for others to witness their behavior.
i hope this may help you.

I wrote a long supportive post earlier and my phone timed out and i lost it
I know you are terrified, but please call the police if there is someone outside your home that shouldnt be there. Be sure to get as much info as you can. I know you are scared but try to stay calm. They will take you seriously and care very much about your safety and well-being. If you feel more comfortable, ask for a female officer to be present, as well. It helps if you also give the police as much background as possible, but you are not required to. Just the fact that he is sitting outside of your home is enough.

When this happened to me, I told my parents what happened and then we called the police together. Due to the circumstances, they sent several officers including a female officer. My parents were with me the entire time I was making the report. The bad guy was not around at that time, either, so it helped a lot (i wasnt in total crisis and scared out of my mind from seeing him. Being in the light of day helps, too).

The next day, or even that night, they caught him and he never, ever bothered me again.

I dont know what happened to him. All i know is that i was safe and had support.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

You have lots of support here. Irl you have many resources, as well, that care a lot. You are not alone.

Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Angels to look after you...

Hugs,
Rose

He's homeless, so I don't have an address. That's why he had no reason to be almost 50 miles away from the town he's supposed to be in. But, I dunno. He has a HUGE criminal record. So I don't know if that'll help?

If he has a criminal record and you know his name then you are all set when it comes to identifying him and the police finding him. The police have a 'pulse' on criminals and because you saw him driving you can give them the identification of the car and they can look up to see if in fact he's driving a car registered in his name (or it most likely may be stolen or 'borrowed'). The police can find him where the homeless populations goes: shelters, soup kitchens, local hangouts, drug houses etc......

I am concerned for your safety especially because he's stocking you.

File a report ASAP for your own safety.

Revenge is a dish best served cold
I would suggest telling your parents and reporting him to the police that will wipe the smile right off his face.
And when he is arrested I hope you get some satisfaction from it and feel safe again
Big hugs kiddo we all care about you little one

I echo ((((LouR)))) xx
Hugs to you,
R

I would like to think the smile would have galvanized my anger and I would have made a scene; maybe pointed at him and run at the car screaming, "child molester!" I've heard when a flasher flashes one is supposed to point and laugh; anything that would be not something he would like/expect would be what I'd do.

One does not remain a child forever but one does remain a child molester so I'd feel like I had the upper hand; I could remember I was no longer a child and act on it but he couldn't remember not being a child molester.

I avoided my abuser the next 3-4 years he was "near" me, never saw him as an adult. I did dream about him once a few years ago, in the dream I was taking my stepmother to where he was (large crowded party or group thing of some sort) so they could meet up again (she liked him; did not ever know he abused me).

hello, I'm sorry you went throught that I understand how awfull this is I have faced my abuser 4years ago and he reacted like nothing happened he actually said hello and I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet I avoid I avoid. listen he maybe took a part of your childhood but don't let him take away your whole life you deserve better

Perna's first paragraph sums my feelings up well. If we are being honest, I like to believe that there is a special, awful place in Hell for people like that, but those are my feelings on the matter.

At any rate, if he has a record, particularly if it involves any crimes of a sexual nature, I would think you'd have more than enough to get a restraining order. That, at the very least, should keep him away from you and give you some peace of mind.

But don't give that sick SOB the satisfaction of seeing you afraid. That is where people like him derive their pleasure. You have the law on your side. Please don't hesitate to use that resource. You deserve justice and peace of mind.

I don't think I'll get into what I feel like he deserves....

At any rate, please stay safe Ticli, and know you're in my prayers.

Ticli what has gone on since you started this thread? Have you been able to talk to your parents and police yet? I know it's scary. We are worried about you.

I haven't talked to anyone about it. In a way I just acted like nothing was happening. I went to my grandparents house, and found out that he got admitted to the hospital, and is going to die soon. Bad for the rest of my family that loves him. But, it looks like I won't have to deal with him bothering me anymore.

Couldn't you have reported him to the Police?

I'm still too scared, to.

Ticli, you have nothing to be scared of. HE is wrong here, not you. He deserves to pay for his crimes.

However, you mentioned he was in the hospital and dying? If that's the case, I think it's a rather moot point. Even if you called the authorities and had perfectly documented proof of his crimes, by the time he went to trial, he would likely have passed away. I would, though, tell your family what he did, either now of after he's gone. They should know, and I think telling would help you.

I don't know if you're religious or not, but if you are, take some solace that even if justice isn't served to him now, he'll soon have an eternity to pay for his crimes, and he can't ever bother you again.

You're in my prayers Ticli. Take care.