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#1
Aug 06, 2012, 06:41 PM
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Still planning to leave my BF after our trip to Austria in two weeks... Going to tell him that I can't be in a relationship with him at least until he's had a lot of therapy... But I am not even sure I have the right to say he is an abusive person... His alters have hurt me many times before but he has never hurt me, not even once. Every time his alters have hurt me he has cried and hugged me and apologised profusely, he would never hurt me. He loves me more than anything else in the world. Yet I still find myself scared of him when he gets angry (which often causes him to switch to violent alters). My alters have done horrible things to him before and he hasn't even complained... One of my alters threw a glass at him and repeatedly punched him in the chest but he forgives me... He is so in love with me he says he can't imagine ever being with anyone else... I feel like he is too nice to me for me to complain about the things that he does to me that are out of my control...
What has happened in the past was that his alters have choked me/grabbed hold of my wrists and squeezed so tight that it hurt a lot... I also once locked myself in the bathroom because he was doing these things and he started bashing on the door and almost broke the lock off. This behaviour has stopped since I threatened to leave him if he hurt me one more time but I suspect his alters may be abusing my pets still. I'm not sure of this though. I feel like I do need to get away from him until he's had help because an alter switched today and he seemed angry and one of the things he said to me was "I wouldn't do that, I'm not a very nice person," and then he was laughing at my rats and I asked if he wanted to hold one and he said "Yes, I like animals, I don't like people. I kill people." Obviously he doesn't actually kill people, he just has false memories of doing so. But still some of the alters can be pretty scary... But all of the things above make me feel like... He (excluding his alters) is so nice that I should be willing to put up with a little bit of bad... Am I in denial? Is it normal to feel this confused? :s Kaz x |
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#2
Aug 06, 2012, 08:06 PM
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I don't have any experience with 'alters' but this sounds like a very unsafe relationship to be in. What I'm confused by is when you told him to stop it he seemed to be able to curb his behavior/violent behavior? So is he in control of his behavior?
__________________
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara Don't ever mistake MY SILENCE for ignorance, MY CALMNESS for acceptance, MY KINDNESS for weakness. - unknown |
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#3
Aug 06, 2012, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Kaz x |
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#4
Aug 06, 2012, 08:20 PM
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Remember you cannot "fix" him. He must get help and you must be safe.The animals also need to be safe. Thats YOUR priority...his is to get help!
__________________
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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#5
Aug 06, 2012, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#6
Aug 09, 2012, 03:22 AM
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Even if he cried, even if he apologized, even if he loves you, this is unsafe. I had to end a friendship with a woman a long time ago because I could no longer go to her house because of her abusive bf, who beat her and threatened to beat me, too, when I tried to help her. They both apologized to me and said it would never happen again. But I was scared of them both after that incident.
this is not safe. I am concerned about you both. I hope you can both get some help and/or separate. You guys don't deserve to go on this way. Billi
__________________
The idea of a soul mate is an ILLUSION. In reality, we must learn to be our own best friend/partner. Then if love comes to us, we will already be whole. All that love can do, at that point, is enhance our wholeness!  |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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