What to do about rape?

I hope it's OK that I post in this forum without responding to others. I've been feeling bad about that, I like supporting people. I'm getting triggered really easily right now and eh . . .

There is this guy at work that I *really* don't like. He's crude, he's arrogant, he comes in looking like he slept under a bench, and he puts his feet up on the desk and eats ice cream while he does his job. During the Olympics, he kept making comments about which women were "f*cukable" and "not f*ckable".

So um . . . yesterday he started talking about rape. First it was just that Republican in the US who said those idiotic things about rape and pregnancy, which was fair enough as we work in the media. But then he went on to talk about this woman he knows who was raped (including describing it in graphic detail and saying she got "Julian Assange'd") and then making jokes about how it's not rape if you yell "SURPIRSE!" first. Anywhere, he kept going on like that for well over an hour, kind of flipping back and forth between talking about rape and sex.

Yeah. At that point I couldn't take it any more, so I left. I don't want to go back but my job starts in an hour. I'm only in this miserable job because I got raped anyway (the trauma stopped me from arranging any other employment or doing particularly well on my last degree) and ergh. We don't have HR and most of the staff in this company come from a culture where rape "doesn't happen" and sexual harassment in the workplace is just "being friendly" so . . . not sure if I can stop it.

Anyway, sorry, that was my rant.

whether you realize it or not, it does affect you mentally--being "disturbed by your body" IS mental.
besides, counseling doesn't "fix rapes"---rapes arent going to stop because you're in counseling--but it can help you work thru the affex; and you never compeletly get over it anyway

English isn't my first language -- sometimes I get words mixed up or miss meanings. I'm embarrassed of it. I know what you mean; it's what I ineloquently tried to say.

...I don't like to cuss here. I honestly don't. But what an *********!!!! You'll forgive me if I would rather like to punch him on your behalf?

How old is this guy? I remember those sorts of "jokes" when I was...oh, maybe 16? And back then, the maturity to really process what you're actually talking about isn't quite there. That's...pathetic of him, to say the least. I really can't type out what all I want to say to this guy.

Are you sure there's no way you can bring this up with someone? Maybe your boss? It's just cruel that you have to sit there and listen to him make these beyond infantile "jokes" while you know the reality of things.

I wish I could help you more with your question. I usually advise therapy in cases like this, but if you said it wasn't working for you...I don't know what else I can tell you.

I do think though that you have every right to think of yourself as a virgin. It's not at all a lie to say you are. You had the opportunity to be a "technical" virgin taken from you, and you couldn't help that. But since then, you've lived a life in accordance with those morals and the value of celibacy, no? THAT is your choice, and that is what you have done. You, I firmly believe, are truthful in calling yourself innocent, and I believe you deserve that peace of mind.

Don't worry, half the office wants to punch him: he's altogether an unpleasant person to be around AND his work is awful. He thinks he's big business because he's written a book. (The book is horrific too--poorly written and often condescending and racist.) AND he's in his thirties.
Buuut his contract ends in October and he got in lots and lots of trouble with the boss, so I don't think he's coming back. Just one more month of him!!

Thanks for that I'm just in the stage of thinking it intellectually now: I hope one day I'll really feel it's true.

Hugs to you ((((Fish)))). That guy in your office...@#$%&*--+!!!! And a ***** *****!

Rose

A while back I decided I want all new clothes. I rarely buy new garments and I've always had the same style (that is no longer suitable since I became a lawyer) -- plus the vast majority of the clothes I own right now are stuff I wore when the last rapes were happening, so it's often distressing to put them on thinking "that make took these off me before he . . . you know".

So right. I figured out what style I want and saved up all the money. This weekend is the shopping weekend . . . I'm not looking forward to it. I hate shopping and I hate the way I look right now. I have a list of 21 things to get and 0_0 . . . can I do that in a weekend?

Sorry if this seems frivolous. I think it's more important to me than is strictly necessary.

This:
http://corecatharsis.com/Blog/blog.html
is an introduction to a type of somatic therapy that might help you.

The techniques don't just make you more aware of your body (such as yoga), they
also transform disturbing or unwanted feelings into comfortable and wanted feelings.
The techniques show you how any feeling is good and useful, and how to turn
any disturbing feeling into something you want, something that is you.

I don't really have much input to add, but:

1 - I like the idea of the aforementioned somatic therapy which could potentially be of great benefit to you, since your primary complaint is body issues... There would also probably be a lot less fighting since you will be trying a "physical to heal the mental" approach rather than the other way around. That might be a source of your resistance.

2 - If you are still interested in yoga & want a type that doesn't feel like a contest, where the process is slow & soothing? Have a look at these pages about Shadow Yoga. The first one explains in-depth what it's about, how it makes you feel, & how it's different from other types. The last 3 are just supplemental information.

http://svasti.wordpress.com/2010/04/...w-yoga-part-1/

http://www.islingtonyoga.com/shadowyoga/index.html

http://www.yogamoves.org/shadow.html

http://www.shadowyoga.com/