[CathySF]

emotionally and somewhat physically neglected as a child. Abused.

Realized that as long as I can remember had a very hard time organizing, cleaning, making decisions, etc

In addition, very stunted socially all growing up, especially since I didn't have many social opportunities when I was younger. But my parents barely talked to me anyways.

So, tonight I am writing this, and I am acknowledging my mess, disorder, etc
But for the first time I am really accepting it, not getting angry at myself, and trying to take babysteps.

In addition, from when I started college, I always had a hard time making decisions. and things got worse, which instrument to play, which language to study, which friends to hang out with

Would love to hear from others who might deal with all of this or some

Thx!!

[Sannah]

Hi Cathy, welcome to PC. Do you think that you have trouble making decisions because you had to second guess a lot to make the "correct" decision while growing up?

Is your disorganization due to not being able to focus?

[Focus62]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you think that you have trouble making decisions because you had to second guess a lot to make the "correct" decision while growing up?

This is where my inability to make decisions stems from I believe. You're not alone, I have a lot of trouble making decisions, though I am on the opposite end when it comes to disorganization. I can't stand mess...that was one of the few things in my life I could control I think, so I did. It keeps me peaceful, when I have no routine or a lot of random crap strewn about, it makes it harder for me to think almost. Like clutter in the room converts to clutter in my head.

Perhaps there is a lingering comfort when your'e surrounded by mess? Was it all you knew when you grew up? I mean, perhaps your house wasn't a mess physically, but your relationships with your parents were chaotic and probably unpredictable. I would think that would have an impact on how you organize.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by CathySF

emotionally and somewhat physically neglected as a child. Abused.

Realized that as long as I can remember had a very hard time organizing, cleaning, making decisions, etc

In addition, very stunted socially all growing up, especially since I didn't have many social opportunities when I was younger. But my parents barely talked to me anyways.

So, tonight I am writing this, and I am acknowledging my mess, disorder, etc
But for the first time I am really accepting it, not getting angry at myself, and trying to take babysteps.

In addition, from when I started college, I always had a hard time making decisions. and things got worse, which instrument to play, which language to study, which friends to hang out with

Would love to hear from others who might deal with all of this or some

Thx!!

I hate cleaning. My aunt *bullied* me to clean my room. I think that's why I don't do it. Also, "why bother?" says my head. "Why clean? You're a mess anyway...and you're gonna mess it up again anyway..." sick.

My mess usually reflects how I am doing inside. I noticed this week my room was messy again as I started processing more issues around the traumas.

I am getting better at forgiving myself.

thanks.

I read a book long ago about a survivor who hated cleaning because it somehow made her feel like she "had to do something for someone". So she rebelled. Also she had a terrible fear of even moving (paralysis).

Just my own thoughts.

Carol

[CathySF]

Hi all! Thx for your replies! So helpful! Computer on the fritz. Will reply later. Don't like to reply by phone