[xrainstormx]

I was sexual abused which is hard to admit. How do you get over the feel that you are doing something wrong. I mean like, I am doing something sexual with someone I feel guilty. I want to do it though, you know with my boyfriend. I don't know if that is right. I would appreciate any advice, if this made any sense.
don't want to feel that way but how do you stop it?

[Monty_girl]

I think it does take a lot of time. Just don't rush things. I understand that sometimes it's like I want to be close to my partner and then the really bad feelings will come up out of no where. Then you feel guilt for the feelings ruining the moment so to speak. Some things will trigger more then others will.

Does your boyfriend know that you have been abused in the past?? If not you might want to say something to him. If you have a good relationship with him then I would say that this is something you need to share with him. Be honest with him. He might be wondering what is going on.

Remember you did nothing wrong and it isn't your fault that you were abused. You have nothing to hide in shame about. Go at your own pace. He doesn't have to know any details. Just say, " I was abused and this is hard for me right now. I can't talk about it right now. But when I feel more comfortable I would like to talk."

This actually help me having my husband know what was going on. I became more comfortable with him and the flashbacks and bad feelings seemed to be less as time went on when we are together. With your boyfriend knowing that you're been abused in the past you can say, " Hey I'm having a hard time can we stop" Then you can get things calmed down and then continue later if you're able.

Good Luck, this is a hard situation to be in.
Lisa

sometime it takes talking through the feelings of shame. are you in therapy? Maybe that would help you. Best wishes.

It makes alot of sense. It took me 5+ years to get to the point where I was able to make it to intercourse. What did it was that at the time I was seeing a planned parenthood therapist for therapy. I was in a survivors support group and from time to time we would invite area therapists in to the group as guest speakers. It was a way for those in the group to get to know therapists and what to expect from therapy on comfortable no stress ground. Anyway it was decided that my therapist be the guest speaker. I had never talked with her about this issue but that topic came up regularly in that group so someone asked that question. She said that when that issue comes up in therapy it is usually with sexual assault - abuse survivors and what she advises is that the person should start exploring in non sexual ways - taking a calm bath together, back massages, foot massages, brushing each others hair ("above the forhead folks but if you are comfortable going down there by all means" she said when some of us giggled). Slowly work your way around to the front of the body starting with hands and feet (the farthest away from the sexual areas) and work your way to total enjoyment.

I took her up on this two days later. My boyfreind of that time was over and we were watching tv. I decided to start things for once. I stretched and asked him to rub my back. needless to say I enjoyed that backrub to the point where he thought it was time to go before things went beyond the point of no return. For once he was calling stop. I looked at him and told him flat out it probably wont get that much further and it has taken me this long to get to this point I wanted to go with it and see how long it lasts. I was that sure that "total enjoyment" would not happen....For the next month we were discussing pregnancy options just in case I was pregnant. I wasn't but in that month we made the decision to continue exploring without protection because I wanted to have a child before one of my two terminal deseases took me.

We had times where I still had to put the stop sign out but for the most part exploring and baby plans were in the green and right on my childs planned due date he was born.

[xrainstormx]

I am but I don't see her enough. My parents won't take me as much as I need to go. The doctor said she wanted to see me 2 times a week. I only go once every three weeks. I am pretty much on my own.

[xrainstormx]

That is horrible that it happened to you. I really admire your strenght in the situtation. Thank you for the advice I will try it. Congradulations on the baby!

Thank you.

That baby is no longer a baby he's a teenager now.

And that situation happened years and years ago but I will never forget what PS (therapist) told me for each time I have a significant other that advice of heres helps ALOT.