[Valis]

About two months ago, I finally decicded to seriously seek therapy for emotional instabilities I have been having, which I can safely say, resulted from an extended period of abuse.

I want to recieve help more than anything, especially since I seem more emotionally unstable everyday, but in visiting my therapist, and sitting in that chair I cannot seem to voice what has happened to me in the past.

Everytime I try to explain what happened to me during those long years at home, I choke...I can barely formulate a sentence...I can barely bring up the matter without extreme waves of emotions just crushing all my spirit to do so.

Its like someone has cast a spell on me to never speak of what happened "back there" ever again.

I can't even stand to call what happened to me "abuse" because of the memories I have associated with such a word.

So I usually sit there in front of my therapist studdering, and trying to explain myself to her (to myself) what happened over about a ten year period.

It just seems hopeless. An impossible task.

How can I ever get help if I cannot even talk about what has happened to me?

How can I be a "survivor," when it seems like I'm so handicapped by what I went through, that I can't even utter a word to the person who can probably help me the most?

Its enough to make me want to quit it all and forget it all. But I've tried "forgetting" my abuse period before, and look where its got me.

I'm just speechless.

[CompGeek]

It must be very hard to deal with all of those emotions though it is really important to do so. Trying to forget about what happened to you is never a beneficial thing. Before you can fix something you must first acknowledge that it exists. It seems to me that you have already accomplished the most important thing and that is acknowledging what happened to you. Now it is important to realize that the abuse is not your fault. Trust me, eventually you will be able to discuss these emotions and feelings. Just give it some time... Your thearpist will help you....

This happens to me. But I fall back on the idea that a therapist bases what they talk about and do in sessions on each client. If I want to have a good to great therapy experience its up to me. The best way to do that is to know why you are in therapy and what you want to accomplish and then go into the sessions with a goal.

So the night before I attend my sessions I read my journal entries and sometimes choose a few to take with me, I also draw so I look through my drawings and see if there is any drawings I want to take with me. I also do workbooks on my own so I look through that content to see if there is anything I had a problem with doing or still is hanging in the air that my therapist may be able to help me with. If I find a new book I take that also so that my therapist can see that. I also do craft projects on my own around my problems and have from time to time taken in a diarama, a collage, and so on.

Anyway I always have "something" in my back pack that I can pull out for those times when I can't seem to talk.

And if all else fails my therapist and I do relaxation visualizations during sessions so I can always say to her - I don't feel like talking right now lets do the relaxation stuff.

Hang in there. As you have more sessions talking with your therapist will get easier. You will probably always have times when you can't find the right words but at least there won't be so many of those times.

It will probably take time to open up afer the ordeal you went through. These sessions when you find yourself unable to speak are not a waste, they will gradually lead you to establish a rapport with both your inner feelings/emotions and your therapist. It is always hardest to put words to such strong emotions. Your therapist will draw you out as well, all in good time. So don't be too hard on youself. Give it time.

[hillbunnyb]

Trouble finding the right words words and them getting them out your mouth??..... I don't know how to tell you this, but, you 're normal. !!!!

[jennie]

bring to therapy some artwork or poems or journal entries about how you feel about the painful secrets.

i did that any it really opened the door and helped me connect to my therapists.

[Rhapsody]

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jennie said:
bring to therapy some artwork or poems or journal entries about how you feel about the painful secrets.

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YES.... I agree with what Jennie says here:
When you cannot talk about it up front, writing it out or drawing a picture might help break the ice.... I drew a picture to help explain an unspeakable sexual abuse act (done to me) that I found hard to say with words.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -