Update on: Need to tell my H something

Hey yall. First I want to thank yall for all your support and hugs as well. It took a lot of encouragement from others to go where I went emotionally.

I showed my H what was in the previous post and let him read it. It contained words I just can't say. I can write them though. Strange how that is. But he read it and was sure to keep his distance and give me lots of personal space. He was distant in conversation which I'm pretty sure had to do more taking my feelings into consideration. But I knew he didn't mean to remind me of a more scary time in my life. But now he realizes he did.

We had T last night. In T we talked about how things have changed. Considering where we have been in our relationship it says enormous amounts about the since of safety that I feel now compared to 2 months ago even and that can be seen by my ability to tell him all of this. 2 mo ago there'd be no way I could tell him this. I didn't feel safe. I do not know what impact this will have on our relationship except that I think it will now hurt it.

I have a few visits coming up w/ just me and the T. I am a little nervous about that. It is the first time she has requested me come separately. I do trust my T completely. I'm afraid of the truth, I'm afraid of what the future may hold. I'm afraid of what is being withheld inside of me that will potentially come out. But I opened the door and walked threw it. I fully trust my T to help me keep moving forward threw the door and to what ever path it leads.

For now I am so very sleepy. I'm taking a nap w/ my little one. Hopefully no dreams but if there is maybe it will just add to the healing.

Thank you all again for all your support

Hi ya Congratulations on having the courage to communicate your feelings with your H. Irregardless of how you did it, you did it and that's such a positive step. Hopefully it will be the key that unlocks the door to your future happiness. As far as the impact on your relationship I suppose only time will tell. Your H has a lot to digest at the moment and it will take him time to process things. Likewise you also have so much happening emotionally you need to take it easy. Take care

Big Mama, you've been struggling so hard for so long!!! It's no WONDER that you've had what amounts to "flashbacks" of the rape!!! Bless your heart, I can't imagine what you've been going thru. It seems like your husband would have THOUGHT about it at SOMETIME or another!! I mean, jeez -- you were raped, and don't you think he'd at least question you about things? Good grief!! Wouldn't you think he'd ask you if you ever have a problem with sex? I just don't understand.

I'm so sorry my friend. You're a better person than I. I don't think I would have taken it this long. I think I would have bolted and run before now. God bless you for being such a strong, faithful wife and mother. You're the best. BIG gentle hugs, Lee

Leed thank you for your kind responce. I think my H is weird for not wanting to know more. On the other hand I think he was and still is trying to spare my feelings. He still know only a tiny, and I mean tiny part of what happened. I appriciate him not asking a million questions and making me feel like I am/was reliving all this mess. I don't know that I could have told him anyway. I had to write and let him read the words 20 years later.

I like your quote it is SO true.
The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable....Garfield

The only thing I can think of that Garfield said is: Bring on the lassonia. (sp) the itallian food, the really long wide noodles made like a casserole.

Good work BMama! Please continue to keep us posted?