[mtd]

MAY BE TRIGGERING, please take care of yourself

Today -- five days now -- I have no energy. The memories, especialy the emotions from when I was raped as a child are just so incredibly sad right now. I can't work and I can hardly speak, even to those I know care for me. I tried calling a friend tonight, but I was speaking so quietly she could hardly hear me. I'm just so tired of fighting. I want to curl up and wimper and go to sleep, but I feel like I'll just wake up and still feel like this. It's been that way for five days. I just keep seeing myself tied to those stairs helpless as they took what they wanted from my body.

I'm also worried. I've never had a big problem with depression -- a day or two usually. Anxiety and fear I've had lots of, pretty much nonstop, but the depression I've been spared until now. I want to snap out of this, it just isn't happening this time. I guess some days I'm not feeling so strong. This weekend I could have smashed the rapists to bits, but they could be standing here right now and I don't feel like I could even push them.

I really want my life back. It's been so long. I'm praying for strength. Not sure where its gone. I'm not giving up, but I not functioning right now.

mtd

[EJ711]

MTD,

It sounds like maybe this is the first time you could really deal with what happened to you when you were a child. I can't imagine what you went through.

Can you see a doctor who can prescribe some anti-depressant medication to help you get through this tough time?

Hugs,

EJ

[Sabrina]

I am sorry for all that you have suffered and endured. Perhaps you should see a doctor before your depression spirals. Do you have a therapist as well, that you could talk to?

Sending you much strength.

[bipolar_bear]

You have a lot to contend with. Do you have a pdoc and/or t who can help you espeially when you are feeling so bad? Please take care.

mtd.. know we care about you and you are in my thoughts

I'm sorry for your pain! We are here for you!

[mtd]

Thank you all for the support. It is very important to me not to feel alone, and you have made sure that I can believe that.

I realize also today that my sadness really shows progress. I have had so much fear and it has had such an impact on my life for so many years. To be sad today, and to be really grieving, feels different. It feels safe. The fear never has -- it has always paralyzed me. Today, perhaps for the first time, I'm able to make a choice. Today, undefeated, I choose to rejoice in my tears.

be well,

mtd

[EJ711]

MTD,

I feel grateful that God has given you the strength and touched you with healing so you could move past the fear to sadness.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Hugs,

EJ

[walkswithspiritbear]

((((mtd)))))) many many gentle bear hugs to help strengthen you through this trying time. I have been exactly where you are at and know the unpleasantness of it all. I am sending as many strengthening vibes your way as I can... Please take care and if and when you need to whimper I think alot of us here at PC are willing to lend a helping hand and heart... Linda, anytime you need a shoulder I can listen.

[desirae]

Sorry you feel this way right now. It's so uncomfortable having the past come up and bring you down. You just have to fight and resist those times when this happens and reach out for support. We are here for you at P.C. I hope you feel better soon.