Child-on-child sexual abuse

It's something that doesn't get talked about much and that's why I don't really tell people. When I was six and seven I was abused by another child, who hit me and threatened me if I didn't take my clothes off and engage in sexual behaviours with him. I feel as if I'm the only one scarred by something like this - as if everyone I tell just brushes it off as 'playing doctors and nurses'. It bothered me so much, I thought about it obsessively every day until my early teens. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had anything similar happen

Yeah, the kid was younger than me. I wasnt threatened but it made him happy and hed beg me to "play" with him... and I felt guilty so I would.
Then it happened again with my boyfriend, except this time I was really scared of him. I dont talk about it... to anyone. No one knows what happened but it dosnt make it hurt less just because the person was your size and age. Im so sorry... and I hope you find support here.

You're not the only one.

This is definitely something that would have affects on you. Resolving it in therapy would be a good idea.

I'm glad you're able to talk about these things here, BlueWhisky. It's so important to know that what happened to you was wrong, and it was not your fault.
It's important to know you're not alone, too. A lot of trusting and innocent children have been scarred by selfish, bad people--and all too often people, including relatives, have looked the other way.
If you know that, I hope you can start to heal.

this is a trauma that last a life time... you are not alone...

You are not alone, though I wasn't threatened, I knew it didn't feel right.

You guys have had it too?

Yes, It happened to me when I was eight, I was molested by friend she was 12? I don't know exactly how much older than me she was but I find it hard to talk about because people find it hard to understand child on child abuse, especially when it's girl on girl. I do want to mentioned that I hold no resentment nor do I blame her she was child herself and I am about 90% sure that her brother was molesting her.

Happened to me twice, when i was 5, by a 6 year old cousin. And later when i was 10 by an older cousin.

The effects of child on child abuse are just as devastating as other abuses. You are not alone. Your trauma is real and valid.

do anyone of youfeel like it was your fault that you brought it on? that you could have somehow prevented it somehow?

and did it cause you to feel like you were created for that purpose? like that i what would be axpected of you always?

Do you feel like some how it is wha casued you to feel like you are not worthy of love beause you are so dirty inside... that it made you do things you never wanted to but you felt so out of control that you did or that if you didnt that you would never be worthy of being loved at all?

Thank you guys, so appreciated. xxx

This. This is one of the most difficult things. Intellectually i understand that i was abused, that i was incapable of consent and didnt truly understand.

But deep down there is that awful shame. The self hate and disgust with myself. The FEELING that i should have known or that it was my fault.

Its so horrible. I just want to scream.

They were both my fault. The first time I was older and stronger. I did it and its my fault. The second time I was a bit younger but I wanted to feel loved and accepted the bad parts because I wanted the love. I paid the price I was willing to to get what I wanted. I could have prevented it but I chose not to.

I havnt dated since and I cant think about dating without getting disgusted. I may never date again... im terrified of even thinking about it.

Hi BlueWhiskey,
Thanks for bringing this discussion to the forefront. As I child I was abused for years by a sibling who was only 2 years older than myself. The abuse then led to anytime we were left at a family friends house he would tell them to make me perform oral sex on them. For years I lived in shame about this. I was always afraid when my mother left the house. I was afraid to tell her since the brother doing this is her "favorite"/ model child. Unfortunately, many people never discuss this. I can not believe the trauma & turmoil burying the secret caused me until I realized the freedom I gained by talking about it. The first person I told about the abuse was my husband the day after he asked me to marry him. I felt he should know what kind of messed up person he was asking to marry. I went through phases and stages dealing with coming to terms with the abuse. I still have some things I'm very sensitive about. I now have a daughter of my own and 2 sons. There are times I can not stress to her enough she has to tell me everything, no matter what. I do hover over them more than most. I don't particularly trust boys around her.
It was sometime last year the brother who did this called. He decided to do his best to apologize. He then disclosed to me that a family member (male) had raped & molest him when he was approximately 6 years old. The earliest I remember him beginning the abuse with me was when I was 5 years old. Him apologizing and telling me this didn't do much to help me get over it. I guess this will be my life long day at a time.

Sorry for writing so much. Thankful there was somewhere for me to share. Thank you for the courage to even discuss this.

yes thank you BlueWhiskey and all who have shared these deep things... I have felt so alone in this for 45 years,,, it was not until last fall that i actually said something in T but only in passing and no details... my new T is asking about abuse now and it is causeing me much pain and flash backs and trauma like it just happened yesterday... I have been all through the gamit of issues in my life feeling guilty for it happening to me... feeling guilty for what i have caused others ... feeling guilty for all the abuse sexually, physically and mentally for 45 years.... i ahve felt like it is all my fault every last thing... that all the trauma and pain and suffering have been my fault, and even as i sit here typing this i am there in my mind feeling the quilt all over...

i have forgiven and begged God for forgiveness over and over and have felt that it has been my destiny in this life to just live with these things hidden behind the doors and walls i have built... I can not even feel any anger just guilt...

i hope that when im 75 that i dont have this pain still...

This is something that actually happens alot and people rarely discuss it.

It is important to recognize that children do not truely understand what sex is or molesting or abuse is. Children are by nature extremely inquisitive and always want to know if other children know things too. Most children at some point find themselves and realize that they can have something "feel good"so they normally want to know if others have this happen as well.

We are all "sexual beings" and often what happens is that parents do not explain this to their children and also tell them "not" to share their bodies with other children. So, most children are left with an open door to running into other children who are curious or may want to explore etc. And it can be used as another way to gain some kind of attention or acceptance. Part of these desires are normal to human nature as well. We all want to be loved and connect with others etc.

Most people who grow older and finally understand what it all means begin to feel bad about what they did as children and they can get extremely confused and repulsed by it. And yes, can even begin to feel guilty or also wonder about having the ability to have this kind of a relationship as an adult.

What my message is here is to "forgive whatever childhood things you did" and understand how much you are just human and even understand that it is normal to find ourselves, all of ourselves from our fingers to our toes to all of our body parts.

Try your best to make peace with your childhood and understand that you really are just human.

I was the youngest child and my siblings wanted to know if I knew how to feel things.
I was frightened and confused about it all and it wasn't fair to me to experience that at such a young age either. I have troubled memories but I have gotten to the point where I know not to blame myself. There was no way I could have understood these things, most children just dont.

Open Eyes

Thank you for this thread! It helps to know I'm not the only one. When I was 5 the abuse started for me and lasted for 1 1/2 years. I was abused by a neighbor who was 8 years older than me and he also had other children closer to my age participate in the abuse by holding me against my will. Wow! I can't believe I just wrote that!

So much love to you all x

Watching this topic blossom from original post to now has been an inspirational display of courage and support. Kudos to all of you.

As a general post, I wanted to leave this. Please, understand that what happened as a child, whatever it was that happened, was NOT your fault. You have to understand that you're looking upon events that happened to you as a child with the foresight and knowledge of an adult. You did NOT have the ability to make decisions on the same level you do now, and you're looking at things with a different set of eyes then you were then. Understand, more than anything, it is NOT your fault, and that each and every one of you is perfectly, utterly deserving of a beautiful relationship as an adult.

That's generally speaking. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and many hugs.

Harley

Difference in age does not make it right or normal or healthy. You were abused as anyone else would be who had gone through that. It doesn't matter the ages, genders, situation, amount of times it happened or anything else. It was still abuse. You still suffered. You deserve to be healthy and whole. I hope you find healing this new year. I hope we all do.

And now I'm obsessed with an abusive man who is playing with my feelings. I know it's connected.

I am in my 3rd marrage... and many other relationships all throught the years.... all of them have been abusive in one way or the other... but one... and that was the one that devistaed me the most!

Thanks for this thread, It has been very sad to read

Yes, It happened to me too, It has my abuse started.

My last boyfriend was 58 and I am a very, VERY young looking 29. The man I am obsessed with us 50. Both domineering and neglectful. I don't think I can ever have a proper healthy relationship